[Mandylicous4]

I'm a 20 year old student and after having a rough childhood, adolescene and being forced into being a grown up so quickly, I constantly find myself making up stories so that people give me attention and make me feel loved. I'm seeking attention and I don't like it. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment but its being so difficult to change a process I have done for so long just to feel loved.

I constantly find myself looking around the pubs or clubs for someone to catch my eye; I then flirt and maybe (always) give them my number. After a few days of texting, I sudenly grow bored, and just stop texting. I feel as if I can't have feelings any more! Its so hard to understand myself... I keep looking for answers but sometimes I think I have some sort of psychological problem. The problem is when I get bored again... I look for those people I've just "thrown" away then after receiving the attention I was seeking for.

[Cyberstar]

Realizing what you are dealing with and seeking help is a good first step. Changing your thought process isn't something that happens overnight, though, so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't see results right away.

Continue seeing your counsellor, and ask them to help you set goals and strategies to achieve those goals.

It's a good sign that you are conscious of your own actions; next time you feel like engaging in attention-seeking activity, try to pause and reassess your situation before you start the cycle again.

[Devorameira]

You won't see the results of counseling immediately. Sometimes it takes years to figure out and make constructive changes.

Keep up with counseling, just be sure to open up to the counselor and tell them your concerns.

[Mandylicous4]

Thanks for the reply... but why do I feel like it won't ever go away? Is it normal to feel like this at 20? So confused and depressed... my mood changes so quickly as if I was suffering from bipolar disorder. I have tried to control it, by accessing the situation before seeking attention. But because I'm only human, lonliness makes me do it!! Its nice to feel loved and wanted, especially when u're in a country all by yourself... I really want to stop this! Its eating me inside and sometimes I think I'm not strong enough... even trying cognitive therapy... just feels like everyone that thinks they know me doesn't.. because everything was built on lies... I will keep the counseling up but myself esteem and confidence are below 0... what can I do? Apart from the counselling!thank you for "hearing" me out... I really appreciate it... (trying to sort this out)

[Cyberstar]

Of course it's normal to want attention and to feel loved. Humans are social creatures.

You say you're in a country all by yourself... do you think you can try developing some long term friendships instead of seeking people out to give you a short burst of attention? With friends, you are likelier to be able to obtain a steady "stream" of attention from the closeness and consistency in interaction, and that's healthy, because it stems from genuine caring.

In terms of helping your self-esteem, focus on yourself by doing activities you like; it could be volunteering, joining a recreational sports team, book club - whatever you're interested in, and it would help you meet new people so you wouldn't be so alone. Maybe it's something you can ask your counsellor to help you with during your next session.