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jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 12:49 PM

Threads merged

I'm really worried because I read some of my husbands e-mails to his clients, and some of them are very personal. One he even mentions his ex, and he mentions his children, but never me, his wife. SHould I be worried?

My husband and I work together, and it seems like every time I hear him talking to a female client, I get that burning in my stomach, jealousy. I've red some e-mails I was very uncomfortable. He says he won't get that personal with them anymore, but the fact that he still doesn't see what he did was wrong bothers me. HIs tone changes when he talks to other women, and I can't stand it. I'm very jealous, and I find myself obsessing about who he's talked to or e-mailed that day, and it always leads up to me looking through his computer. What can I do to stop this?

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:06 PM

Why are you reading his emails. Should you be worried, sure. Although it seems to me you do not really like his children. So are you surprised he does not mention you?

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:12 PM

Yeah, pretty sure it's wrong to be sharing personal info about his kids, his ex, and not mention me. This has NOTHING to do with his kids right now, this has to do with my husband being a little too personal with his female clients. I go through his emails because I can, and I won't ever let a man hurt me again, so I'm going to monitor everything he does, so I can catch him before I get hurt.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:14 PM

Well your marriage is already over.
Your trust is not there.

You may as well end it now.

Just saying if you are so determine to find something wrong eventually you will.

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:16 PM

My marriage is not over, I do trust my husband, but I don't know why he feels he has to get so personal with his clients. He says he just tries to be nice to them so he can earn their trust, and eventually more business. But talking about his ex wife, and his kids, and her breastfeeding when they were babies, that to me is sick, and totally shouldn't be shared with anyone. If he hates his ex as much as he says he does, then why is he sharing things like that? And never even mentioning me?

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:30 PM

No you do not. Your actions speak louder then words.

So it is more about jealousy then on your part, because he does not mention you?

Wondergirl · Mar 22, 2010, 01:38 PM

Do you want him to tell his clients personal stuff about you? It seems to me like he respects you very much because he doesn't.

It sounds like he is sharing child-raising subjects and experiences with clients. That's how a good salesman connects with his customers.

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:38 PM

What it's about is... hes mentioning his ex, and his kids. Why? He hates his ex. And why is it any of his clients business how old our kids are, and what their names are? And why hasn't he mentioned he has a WIFE? I e-mailed her today, under an assumed name, and she told me he was doing a wonderful job, that he was so sweet and polite. Yeah, I bet.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:41 PM

You need to stop this... Your going to ruin your marriage. You, and you alone. Not your husband. Stop looking for trouble.

That is what you will get. Your going way too far with this and it is going to blow up in your face and the only person to blame will be yourself.

Not trusting your husband.
And being jealous of nothing.

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:42 PM

What I'm pissed about is simple. We do sales, and we have clients, I have NEVER gotten personal with any of my male clients, they don't know my kids names, if I breastfed, my god, they know nothing of my personal life. So my husband has the same job as me, and I've read some pretty personal e-mails to female clients. It isn't about respecting me, it's about why is he talking about his damn ex wife, and his kids to a client? It has nothing to do with our job. I don't understand what you people aren't getting?

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:44 PM

Who cares.. I honestly think you are blowing things way way out of proportion. Don't you get that? He has a different approach to business. What he is doing works for his business. Simple. Really your approaches are different.

I would be doing the same thing as him.

I think maybe your jealous he is doing better then you?? Hmmm.

J_9 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:45 PM

We don't know what is going through his head. Have you tried asking him why he is getting so personal?

Wondergirl · Mar 22, 2010, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by jrayment831

what it's about is......hes mentioning his ex, and his kids. why? he hates his ex. and why is it any of his clients business how old our kids are, and what their names are? And why hasn't he mentioned he has a WIFE? I e-mailed her today, under an assumed name, and she told me he was doing a wonderful job, that he was so sweet and polite. Yeah, I bet.

You truly do not understand how about sales and how to successfully sell something. A good salesman connects with his clients by sharing generic info about marriage and kids and the kids' ages and how they are doing in school and that two of them had measles -- all of which assures the client who will then buy the product or service.

How long have you been married to him?

***ADDED*** Is this going on with only one client?

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:56 PM

Yes it's only one client, and I have asked him about it. He said it's just his way of doing biz, and he likes to find something he can connect with them. He promises it's nothing to be shady or anything, but it really bothers me. He said he won't be that personal anymore, and I believe him. And no I'm not jealous of him being better than me, because I'm kicking his this month!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 22, 2010, 01:58 PM

Well there is not really any problems here then. Time for you to move on... from this issue.

Wondergirl · Mar 22, 2010, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by jrayment831

yes it's only one client, and I have asked him about it. he said it's just his way of doing biz, and he likes to find something he can connect with them. he promises it's nothing to be shady or anything, but it really bothers me. He said he won't be that personal anymore, and I believe him. And no I'm not jealous of him being better than me, because I'm kicking his this month!

In your original question, you said "I read some of my husbands e-mails to his clients." That's why I answered the way I did. It sounds like talking with him solved the problem.

I've shared stuff about my car and sports and my kids with library patrons, depending on what the person's question was and where we were looking to find out the answer. That's what people do -- they share personal (not intimate) information with each other.

jrayment831 · Mar 22, 2010, 02:12 PM

Well I still think it was wrong. And I really hope he respects the fact that I don't care for him talking to them that way. But your right, time to move on from the issue.

J_9 · Mar 23, 2010, 06:39 AM

Has he ever given you real concrete reason to be jealous? Has he ever cheated on you?

jrayment831 · Mar 23, 2010, 06:57 AM

No, he's never cheated on me before. I'm just a very jealous person. I found that he saved an e-mail from some girl inviting him to face book about a week ago, and he said he was just curious who it was because he doesn't even have a Facebook acct. and when I got pissed about it, he said he was flattered by it, and he would never pursue it, ONLY if things didn't work out between us, so I thought that was a very hurtful thing he did and said. So I'm obsessed with looking through his computer, just in case, and I hate feeling that way.

jrayment831 · Mar 23, 2010, 07:36 AM

Moved to its own thread, and edited

My husband and I work together, and I"m a very jealous person. I'm also Bipolar, so that doesn't help at all. I'll bring things up from his past, little mistakes he's made, and we fight over stupid crap all the time. I can't let things go when I need to, and it causes a lot of problems in our marriage. He assures me everyday that I"m his one true love, and he would never hurt me, but I still always have it in the back of my mind, what if? I'm just very insecure, I mean I know I'm pretty, but I'm a little overweight, and that bothers me a lot. He sends e-mails to clients sometimes, and they talk about our kids, and once he mentioned his ex wife, and never once in all those e-mails did he mention me. So I flipped out on him. And he said he was just trying to build a rapport with her, so she would place more business, should I even believe that? He said it wasn't personal. But I always see the bad in everything, and I hate that. Help me, because sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy!