[leebert]

Hey Everyone! A little new to this but here goes... My wife and I have been married for going on 13 years this may. We moved to a new city with our children and my first job out here in 2006 I had an affair with a female co worker one time only. My wife arranged marriage counselling for us both and last week was our first appointment. During this appointment she admitted to also having an affair with a co worker of hers that lasted a couple of months in 08. Even though at the time after mine was done I confessed to her and she still wanted to continue on with me. Now its vice versa and I can't get the vision of her and this dude having sex. We are trying hard and my own private counseller that I am seeing suggested this could be the best thing that happened to both of us as an eye opener. I know I did it to her so I pretty much deserve what I get but I wanted some info on how to make this easier on myself so I can advance forward with the relationship and not keep dwelling on something she says will never happen again even though they still work together. Am I sick in the head for visualizing them having sex and tormenting myself this way?

[88sunflower]

Your at a point your going to need to heal together. You need to understand you treated her as she treated you. How do you know she isn't also having a hard time dealing with the hurt you caused her? You both lost respect for each other at those times. If the marriage is something you want to keep and focus on then do it. Focus on her and the good you can rebuild together.

I was there in the same situations. I am not proud. Its hard and its still hard. But my husband and I have moved on and are still moving on. I have melt downs with him and he does the same with me. We are healing together. I thank god everyday I have been given the chance to rebuild our marriage and I know he feels the same way.

When your having these feelings then talk with her. I can't say it enough talk talk and talk more. Our counselor me so mad. Every time we would go we just ended up riding home in silence and fighting after our son went to bed. But it was a blessing in disguise. She opened the flow of conversation for us. The fighting wasn't because we were actually fighting. We were venting our pain and we always did end up in each other arms. Keep working on it and you will be happy.

[talaniman]

It takes time, and your getting help, so keep doing what you're dong.

Your wife is going through the same thing, don't forget that.

[leebert]

Thank you very much guys, so far so good on the advice I will kleep reading the posts!

[88sunflower]

You need to trust me the talking helps. Then you will come to a point you won't want to talk about it any more because your ready to move forward. I have been in your exact shoes. Its not fun. It down right sucked. Worse choices I ever made in my life. But at the same time I am thankful in a sense for bad choices because we are better today for them.

Remember never to point fingers. You both are guilty. One isn't any more guilty then the other. You both wronged your spouse.

[leebert]

Yes this I know, however I really need to stop visualizing her having sex with this man my stomach gets sicked and I enrage with jealousy I know eventually I will move on however I hope sooner more then later.