[accidentalduck]

My ex-husband and I have joint custody of our 7 year old. My son usually lives with his dad and I get weekend visits and him for the summer. My ex-husband is in the military and when he gets deployed overseas my son comes live with me. He has been deployed twice now, his second tour starting last may. My son is in special classes and needs consistency to develop friendships and stay motivated in school. I need to know what I need to do to get the custody agreement changed and how hard will it be. I can't ask my ex for a change because he will not do it and this will end up going to court.

[Fr_Chuck]

You file a motoin in court,

1 do you both live close enough that he can remain in the same school district ?

If so, it may be hard to prove he needs to be only at your home. Why in "joint" has he not been doing a week at each or some other arrangement

[ScottGem]

Yes, you will need to file a motion in court for a change of custody. If what you say is true, the court will probably agree that continuity of schooling is in the best interests of the child. However, the father can simply move near the school and forestall your attempts to change custody. Of course, this shouldn't matter to you since, your concern seems to be the best interests of the child and as long as he can continue in the same school that should satisfy your concerns.

[accidentalduck]

We do not live in the same school district. I live about an hour south of the base, where his dad lives. So, even if I moved, I wouldn't be in the same school district because I cannot live on the military base. He is not going to want to move to where I am. He likes military housing.

[stinawords]

Well, as said before the only way to have the custody order modified is to go to court. So, you may as well start making your case now. Can you afford a lawyer? If so that would be a great benefit. If you can't you will be trudging up hill so you will need to be ready for the judge. If everything you say is true and you can prove it then because of the long deployment the judge may see your side and make an adjustment. However, you have to have a case ready you can't just walk into court without proof of anything you say.

[accidentalduck]

I have the paperwork for my son saying that he's in special classes. He was in those classes when he was with his dad. He's in military, so there is paperwork for his deployment. Im not claiming abuse or anything. My son just needs a stable home where he's not going to have move every year because of his dad's job. I have lived in the same house since our divorce. I have an appointment with a lawyer, and will find the money in anyway I can to fight for this. I'm not doing it to be bitter, because if that was the case then I would have been meaner in my divorce. But circumstances have changed and I have to look at what is in the best interest of my son. He can keep the child support.

[stinawords]

No one said you were being mean or bitter. Most people here have children so we know what it is like raising them. I'm glad you made an appointment and good luck to you. Please come back to let us know how everything went!

[cdad]

There is a possibility that your case is going to be set aside until he gets back. Most courts consider this a sneak attatck when a parent gets deployed and the other tries to change things to their favor. He may not even be able to be served properly.

[accidentalduck]

I don't want to change it at this moment. My son is with me, and his dad is overseas, and to me that is just fine. I am just trying to find out what I am up against and what I need to do when the time comes upon his return. I have a year to get ready for this and I just want to be prepared. I know he is doing his duty overseas, and as much as him and I disagree, he is still the father of my son and I wish him no harm. I just want my ducks lined up, so to speak, so that I am prepared. I thank you all for your advice.