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Kitkat22 · Mar 16, 2010, 12:46 PM

We're here whenever you need to vent! LOL

Showme_urmove · Mar 16, 2010, 12:51 PM

I hope this anger does turns into healing. Yea I still haven't accepted the fact that it is over, I'm still holding in this hope that we may have a chance for some reason, is that what all of the people feel when they loss their big love. As much as I want to believe that it is really over, I can't help looking at my phone every time a text or call is coming. Just that glance of hope a guess I don't know it this is healthy for me at this moment. Its been 4 days doing no contact and I am very proud of myself for going this long. Besides healing what other benefit do I gain for not doing NO CONTACT

Kitkat22 · Mar 16, 2010, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

I hope this anger does turns into healing. yea i still havent accepted the fact that it is over, i'm still holding in this hope that we may have a chance for some reason, is that what all of the people feel when they loss their big love. as much as i want to believe that it is really over, i can't help looking at my phone everytime a txt or call is coming. Just that glance of hope a guess i dont know it this is healthy for me at this moment. its been 4 days doing no contact and i am very proud of myself for going this long. besides healing what other benefit do i gain for not doing NO CONTACT

Good for you sweetie! I'm applauding:p You feel as if your heart will never heal, but it will. I promise. You stay strong and remain NC. Blessings

kp2171 · Mar 16, 2010, 01:14 PM

Its all normal.

I remember losing my first big love and thinking id never find another like that.

Well... you don't. You find OTHER loves... not the same experience. And thank GOD for that.

The problem with trusting NC is that you don't know the crap you aren't going through right this moment. Sure... you are still mucking through some ugly noise, but it isn't anywhere near as bad as when you are keeping in contact.

Even two people who are kind to each other and trying to not mess with each other... usually end up messing with each others heads.

NC centers you around you... lets you feel the things you need to feel (like anger, like frustration) and it makes her feel what its like to be without you... like we've said before.

If you were keeping more in touch, then you are keeping yourself vulnerable for the inevitable crash thatll come.

Sometimes its not the earthquake that kills... it's the aftershocks... so... NC pretty much makes you not have to use your currently skewed judgement to evaluate what she's doing with her currently poor and skewed judgement.

As a guy who has lost more than a couple of Big, Big Loves... all I can say is you're doing the right thing... you are broken up. Act like it. Believe it. Accept it.

We can accept things we don't want to be true.

amicon · Mar 16, 2010, 01:16 PM

No contact is the best tool for ending the confusion and getting back to thinking with your head instead of your heart.

It helps you regain your dignity and selfrespect as you are taking charge of your own life.

And it does kill that bad friend,false hope.

Kitkat22 · Mar 16, 2010, 01:57 PM

Take the advice you have been given!

Showme_urmove · Mar 16, 2010, 06:25 PM

Thanks everyone for the advice its really helpful. Here's a question it might sound stupid but I don't know the answer, how can I accept the fact that this relationship is over. How can I program it on my head that there are no chance of me and her getting back together. I know it sounds weird but if you guys can give me an example that would be helpful. Thank you for helping me. I am trying my best to think that's its over but my emotion keeps thinking about how great we both were, I know its really stupid I don't think about all the bad things she did to me but I just think about the good times we had. Thaks again

Kitkat22 · Mar 16, 2010, 06:43 PM

Get rid of any reminders. Gifts and photos and change your number or at least block hers. Stop thinking you all can work this out you can't. When you start thinking about the good times, think about what the bad times feel like.

talaniman · Mar 16, 2010, 09:08 PM

but my emotion keeps thinking about how great we both were, I know its really stupid I don't think about all the bad things she did to me but I just think about the good times we had. Thanks again

I know its hard when your not sure what to do and only through being dumped several times did I learn,

Stop all contact no matter what tempts you.

Disappear from their lives (forever)

Do my own thing.

No matter what your feeling break ups are seldom about the person dumping you, but the way it makes you feel (lousy, reality really lousy). But what really matters is how you cope with those feelings. That's what NC is really about, coping with your feelings, and accepting reality.

NC is but a tool to accomplish a job, as doing your own thing, allows you to recover, through rebuilding.

Yes we all have those good memories, that make us feel those intense feelings all over again, but play the whole thing (just to be fair about it) and the bad memories have their own intense feelings. That's reality, as the good, and the bad, are taken as a whole experience.

You have to deal with both.

Showme_urmove · Mar 16, 2010, 11:01 PM

Thank you for the explanations, it makes a lot of sense. Ok so here's what happen a few hours ago after my friend and I left our business. We were driving back home we are roomates and a business partner, anyway my friend looked at his phone and he got a text from her saying "Hey is glen there" and we were both were wondering what duh? And my friend said she called Monday and she text you today what the heck does she want? I am wondering what's going on her mind. Ohh and as I was typing this she actually called and then she text him to say "till glen goodbye forever" what is she trying to do, I don't get it, I don't know what she wants, all of a sudden she just starts calling and txting, should I call her and ask what she wants or just leave it alone I am confused? What do you think it is please help!!

amicon · Mar 16, 2010, 11:11 PM

Glen,you ignore her.

Sometimes this is the kind of reaction you get with NC,the ex is insulted that you're no longer there to mess around.

Its mindgames,hoping for a reaction so they can keep the deck stacked in their favour.

Again,ignore-dont break NC,
Ask your friend to block her number and keep moving on.

Showme_urmove · Mar 16, 2010, 11:13 PM

OK so she txted my friend again saying that if I still love her and if I am talking to any girls. Why would she say that what should my friend text back?

amicon · Mar 16, 2010, 11:26 PM

He should IGNORE her.
No replies-let her stew in it,she made her bed,let her sleep in it.

Showme_urmove · Mar 16, 2010, 11:31 PM

I know I am not going to talk to her. But what do you think she is trying to say?

amicon · Mar 16, 2010, 11:41 PM

I can only guess,as I 'm not her-she's most likely angry as she feels she has lost her power over you.

So she starts pestering your friend.

That's my guess,as that's usually how manipulative people with inflated egos act.

Showme_urmove · Mar 17, 2010, 02:11 AM

Thank you amicon for the advice I really appreciate. There is one thing my friend and I have been talking about. WHy is it when women dates a jerk they complain and complain about how mean they are and how they don't get treated right but they go and keep giving them more than second chances. And after they get their heart broken again and the same thing they come back to them. But then when they finally find the guy that they have been looking for and they get treated they way they should, then later they come to you and say they need space or take things slow. What's up with that. I think its really stupid is it cause they don't know what they want or the nice guy is just to boring for them.

amicon · Mar 17, 2010, 03:03 AM

You're very welcome.

As for your question,its never easy to come up with a conclusion that covers all options-we are all different individuals,possibly some people are drawn to the 'bad boy/girl' scenario.

That's just my opinion though.

talaniman · Mar 17, 2010, 06:50 AM

You may have given your heart to a very insecure, confused person who couldn't handle a good thing, or she just didn't appreciate what she had, or didn't deserve what she had. Take your pick, as the reasons are endless.

Showme_urmove · Mar 17, 2010, 06:20 PM

Its been 5 days since I did the no contact rule, as you guys can see that my ex called on Monday and she text my friend a lot last night and she called last night also. Today I just got a text from her mom that she will be picking up her stuff tomorrow like the things she had left in my house, I currently just moved and I don't want to see her mom and I don't want her to know where I live, question to ask, why is she all of a sudden txting and wanting to pick up her daughters things? I don't want to see her I hate her mom and she hates me, I don't know why she's the one that wants to get it. Ohh and my ex doesn't have a driver license I know she's 19 and she can't drive. What should I do what should I say. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Kitkat22 · Mar 17, 2010, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

its been 5 days since i did the no contact rule, as you guys can see that my ex called on monday and she txt my friend alot last night and she called last night also. Today i just got a txt from her mom that she will be picking up her stuff tomorrow like the things she had left in my house, i currently just moved and i dont want to see her mom and i dont want her to know where i live, question to ask, why is she all of a sudden txting and wanting to pick up her daughters things? i dont want to see her i hate her mom and she hates me, i dont know why shes the one that wants to get it. Ohh and my ex doesnt have a driver license i know shes 19 and she can't drive. What should i do what should i say. any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Box up her things and have them waiting outside for her!