[redrumx3]

This happened about 6 months ago, but I'm not at the point where I can look back on the relationship to start to break things down to get rid of the pain, but anyway here's my question..

I was in the relationship for 2-3 years, he was abusive at first emotionally, then physically. (The list of red flags could have been written about him). When I finally left the relationship, he went balistic. I had literally over 100 missed calls from him in a matter of a few hours one day, and that was a month after we broke up.. just to give a little idea.

I started to get involved with someone (which without him I don't think I would have been able to stay away from my ex honestly). He found this out and had the reaction you would assume he would, and in retaliation tries to start something up with the new interest's ex and vice versa because apparently she wasn't over her ex either. And here it starts..

I was at the "new guy's" house, and he gets a phone call. It's my ex, who demands to speak to me and when he is told no, tells the guy I'm with that he is outside of his house. I'm not going to go into detail about what happens next, but apparently that day he had went to my house and found out I wasn't there, so he got the "new interest's" address and phone number from the guy's ex. (She was spiteful to me for I guess dating her ex and is a bad person anyway, even though we were friends, so that's that).

Now my question is, in doing so, she put me as well as my family and friends' in danger. I doubt she knew about my ex being abusive, however, it's not normal for someone's ex to ask for information like that. She knowingly was starting something up regardless, should I have taken any action (not so much legally) in regards to her? Confronted her or anything of the sort?

[Gemini54]

Huh? I don't get it. Are you saying that your current guy went out with your ex's new GF to spite him? And that she told your ex where you were to spite you? Sorry, I'm not sure which ex belongs to which person in your story.

Anyway... to your question... she gave him your address - why isn't it normal to ask for someone's address? She may have just though that your ex was looking for you, or she may have wanted to get him off her doorstep, or she may have just wanted to do it out of spite. Who knows? You can't know unless you ask her.

I can't ell you what you 'should' have done because it's past history now - it's been six months, I'd suggest you put it behind you and move on.

[Aurora_Bell]

No, no. Her ex we'll call him Bob, is dating her current boyfriend (Fred)'s ex girlfriend (Jane). Jane and Bob are both hateful because they have been dumped or what ever, so Bob asked Jane for Fred's info, and now Bob is stalking the OP. So Op and Bob used to be an item, but Bob was abusive, and controlling, so the OP dumped him. Jane and Fred used to be an item, but broke up for what ever reason, and then they did a switcharoo. So now OP is dating Fred and Bob is dating Jane.

She wants to know if she should confront Jane for giving up personal info to the abusive ex even though Jane and OP used to be friends, but didn't know that Bob was abusive.


If I were you I would try and let it die a natural death. If you contact "jane" it's only going to make "Bob" mad. If need be contact the police and get a restraining order on Bob.

[redrumx3]

Thank you Aurora, that's pretty much the story. The only thing is Jane and Bob never "dated". Jane started trying to get to Bob once she found out I was getting involved with Fred. She also tried to get Fred to go to her house every night for specific reasons after she found out Fred and I were getting involved. It should be taken into account that Jane and Fred had broken up 2-3 years ago after an even shorter relationship, in which she constantly cheated on Fred.

Basically what I'm saying is she gave Bob the information out of spite, because common sense tells you any ex asking for their ex's current involvement's information is not a good sign.

The police were actually involved when Bob came to Fred's house, because BOB called them in fear that Fred would call first. They wanted me to get a restraining order against him, but I said no because it would take away what little he did actually have going for him (e.g. military).

These are all events of the past which cannot be changed now, but I never really faced the issue that's all.

Since there's been other issues which have died down (that I know of) and I haven't spoken with Jane about anything. One vote for should have let it die a natural death, which I did, any others?

[cdad]

I wonder how guilty your going to feel because you let the restraining order slide? And somebody else gets hurt or killed. It doesn't matter what he does for a living. If he is out of control that may have been the first step to getting him realaigned. Don't let it slip by again. Also why didn't the police file charges for stalking?

[Aurora_Bell]

Good question!

[redrumx3]

I wasn't in the most logical frame of mind at the time, those were some of the hardest months mentally of my life. I found the strength to leave him and that in itself was a milestone.

As for the police, I can't answer that for them.

[Aurora_Bell]

Red, don't worry, I've been in your position. Leaving was the hardest part. When you have somneone who is manipulative and controlling as well as physically abusive, leaving is the hardest part. You still feel guilty. It takes a long time for that feeling to pass. But it will. Eventually. Work on getting your emotional health back on track. Don't worry about Bob and Jane. Do not confront either one of them. Confronting them is just another way to keep him in your life. Just break all ties. Go completley no contact with both of them, and resume a normal healthy life with your new love. Best of luck, and stay safe!

Bella

[0rphan]

This is quite a complicated situation.

You say this was six months ago, well, I would leave it there, carry on with your life,leave the past behind unless fresh abuse appears(I sincerely hope it doesn't) in this case you must call the police, let them deal with it.

You cannot spend the rest of your life chasing shadows,nor should you.

I wish you love and luck for the future.