[nunnies]

Hello I lost my sex drive after I had my second son I'm now 32 years old and I want to feel alive again what can I do to get it back I'm losing my marriage because of this help

[Cat1864]

How long has it been since your second son was born? Have you talked to your doctor? Are you on birth control?

A first place to start might be talking to your doctor and having your hormone levels checked.

Certain types of birth control can reduce your libido as can stress, pressure, exhaustion, etc.

(Please, use punctuation. It makes it easier to read and understand what you are asking. :))

[Larken85]

Umm.. until you figure out what is going on you can just play the part. I know it never feels like the right time or whatever but stimulization should still feel good and you should be able to get into it so long as you let it happen. Also if yo do not get into it at least act like it for him. But always maintain that things are just not right yet so he doesn't think that the problem is totally solved and you will still have your excuse to get to the doctors. I'm not saying tell him a black lie, I'm saying with hold it so that you do not depress him and stop him from wanting sex. Also you can show your love and devotion and sexual interest without making love. Simple touches or brushes can intise him. And like I said I know you may not be in to it but if the mood strikes him at least play the part. It is probably due to one of the reasons given by cat in my opinion. Maybe things just aren't right down there. But your doc may perscribe certain hormone pills and or vitamin supplements that do the same thing but are much safer. That's my only advice. (I would never suggest lying to your husband if you can avoid it. But if your marriage is going to die from this type of truth, then perhaps with holding a little bit of truth back may be needed.) also may I add that your husband should be a little more understanding if he is the one causeing the problems in response to not making love. Just an opinion

[Gemini54]

I'd suggest you begin by speaking to your doctor, as Cat suggests. Sure, having a child can reduce your libido and desire, but so can heaps of other things.

It's important to be aware that it can be a complex issue to deal with because often emotional, physical and psychological factors can be involved. A doctor may be able to deal with the physical stuff but not the others!

From my personal experience (as a woman), during times when my libido has been non-existent, I've NEVER found it at all satisfying to pretend that I liked sex or wanted it. Larken's advice is well meant - but men often find it very difficult to understand the complete lack of desire that some women experience - and the accompanying frustration that they feel at not having any libido!

If your marriage is suffering, then it's super important to be open and honest, and of course, for your husband to be patient (hard as this may seem). As much as you and he may want to 'blame' you - it involves the both of you.

Give it time. It is absolutely possible for your libido to return, but you (and your husband), need to get proactive and work together to get it going again.

[Aurora_Bell]

umm.. until you figure out what is going on you can just play the part. I know it never feels like the right time or whatever but stimulization should still feel good and you should be able to get into it so long as you let it happen. Also if yo do not get into it at least act like it for him. But always maintain that things are just not right yet so he doesn't think that the problem is totally solved and you will still have your excuse to get to the doctors. I'm not saying tell him a black lie, I'm saying with hold it so that you do not depress him and stop him from wanting sex. Also you can show your love and devotion and sexual interest without making love. Simple touches or brushes can intise him. and like I said I know you may not be in to it but if the mood strikes him at least play the part. It is probably due to one of the reasons given by cat in my opinion. Maybe things just aren't right down there. But your doc may perscribe certain hormone pills and or vitamin supplements that do the same thing but are much safer. Thats my only advice. (I would never suggest lying to your husband if you can avoid it. But if your marriage is going to die from this type of truth, then perhaps with holding a little bit of truth back may be needed.) also may I add that your husband should be a little more understanding if he is the one causeing the problems in response to not making love. Just an opinion

I'm no expert but...

I have to say I do not agree with this at all... Forcing herself to play the part so her partner doesn't get depressed? Have YOU ever had to force yourself to play the part? Let me tell you from experience, she will start to RESENT her partner. What about the depression she will feel from not wanting to have sex, but forcing herself to, just to make someone else happy? Been there done that, doesn't work. Ended up resenting my partner. Have you ever gave birth to a child and had to deal with hormones? Or lack of sleep? Or sore engorged breasts? Believe me you do not feel sexy! There is too many possibilities to just "play the part". And I am not saying that just because you haven't you can't possible understand how the OP feels, but to tell her to "play the part"?? That's just bad advice.

To the OP your body is a temple, don't do ANYTHING that makes you feel uncomfortable. I think the question that needs answered is how old is your baby? And are you on any medications? After my first child, I had no sex drive at all. My hormones were all out of whack. The best advice given here was speak to your doctor.

[Cat1864]

One thing I forgot to mention is that postpartum depression can affect your libido.

Postpartum depression: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com

[J_9]

umm.. until you figure out what is going on you can just play the part. I know it never feels like the right time or whatever but stimulization should still feel good and you should be able to get into it so long as you let it happen. Also if yo do not get into it at least act like it for him. But always maintain that things are just not right yet so he doesn't think that the problem is totally solved and you will still have your excuse to get to the doctors. I'm not saying tell him a black lie, I'm saying with hold it so that you do not depress him and stop him from wanting sex. Also you can show your love and devotion and sexual interest without making love. Simple touches or brushes can intise him. and like I said I know you may not be in to it but if the mood strikes him at least play the part. It is probably due to one of the reasons given by cat in my opinion. Maybe things just aren't right down there. But your doc may perscribe certain hormone pills and or vitamin supplements that do the same thing but are much safer. Thats my only advice. (I would never suggest lying to your husband if you can avoid it. But if your marriage is going to die from this type of truth, then perhaps with holding a little bit of truth back may be needed.) also may I add that your husband should be a little more understanding if he is the one causeing the problems in response to not making love. Just an opinion

I have to say I don't agree with this either. Larkin, you have your own problems, why don't you turn this advice around to your situation. Would your gal want to "just play the part?" This is a disaster waiting to happen.

To the OP, yes, childbirth can cause a lowered sexual urge. As Cat mentioned, post partum depression can play a part as well.

You mention this is your second child. How old is your first? Does your husband take part in the parenting? Help around the house? Do you feel overwhelmed with everything that is going on?

I'm sorry to be asking questions, but sometimes the answer to these questions can guide us to help you better.

[Just Dahlia]

umm.. until you figure out what is going on you can just play the part. I know it never feels like the right time or whatever but stimulization should still feel good and you should be able to get into it so long as you let it happen. Also if yo do not get into it at least act like it for him. But always maintain that things are just not right yet so he doesn't think that the problem is totally solved and you will still have your excuse to get to the doctors. I'm not saying tell him a black lie, I'm saying with hold it so that you do not depress him and stop him from wanting sex. Also you can show your love and devotion and sexual interest without making love. Simple touches or brushes can intise him. and like I said I know you may not be in to it but if the mood strikes him at least play the part. It is probably due to one of the reasons given by cat in my opinion. Maybe things just aren't right down there. But your doc may perscribe certain hormone pills and or vitamin supplements that do the same thing but are much safer. Thats my only advice. (I would never suggest lying to your husband if you can avoid it. But if your marriage is going to die from this type of truth, then perhaps with holding a little bit of truth back may be needed.) also may I add that your husband should be a little more understanding if he is the one causeing the problems in response to not making love. Just an opinion

I totally understand the motivation for this answer. Unfortunately this is what some women have to do to keep their marriage together, for the ugly reason that they are married to an A$$ and don't know what else to do.

I hope the OP has a husband that will be understanding and not leave her because the sex isn't so great or often at this point.

[Alty]

umm.. until you figure out what is going on you can just play the part. I know it never feels like the right time or whatever but stimulization should still feel good and you should be able to get into it so long as you let it happen. Also if yo do not get into it at least act like it for him. But always maintain that things are just not right yet so he doesn't think that the problem is totally solved and you will still have your excuse to get to the doctors. I'm not saying tell him a black lie, I'm saying with hold it so that you do not depress him and stop him from wanting sex. Also you can show your love and devotion and sexual interest without making love. Simple touches or brushes can intise him. and like I said I know you may not be in to it but if the mood strikes him at least play the part. It is probably due to one of the reasons given by cat in my opinion. Maybe things just aren't right down there. But your doc may perscribe certain hormone pills and or vitamin supplements that do the same thing but are much safer. Thats my only advice. (I would never suggest lying to your husband if you can avoid it. But if your marriage is going to die from this type of truth, then perhaps with holding a little bit of truth back may be needed.) also may I add that your husband should be a little more understanding if he is the one causeing the problems in response to not making love. Just an opinion

OMG! I couldn't disagree more. She should just do it to make her husband happy? Are we living in the 1800's?

I also don't agree that lying to him, even a little bit, or just by witholding info is a good idea. It's a marriage, not a teen romance. Communication is key. This needs to be discussed, not just swept under the rug.

I can tell that you're male just by this response. Women aren't just around so that some man can ejaculate. She's a wife, a mother, she's supposed to be his partner in everything, not just a bit of slap and tickle.

Having sex with him so he can feel good won't solve anything, in fact, it may cause more problems. If she does what you suggest she'll most likely start to resent her husband and feel even less sexual with him.

This needs to be checked and treated, not by us, not by the husband, but by a profession doctor or psychiatrist.

This is a common problem, the OP is by no means alone in this. It's time to find out if there's a physical reason, a hormonal reason or a mental reason for this. Take the first step, see your doctor and tell him/her what's going on.

I wish the OP the best of luck. :)