[Fiantella]

I have been married for over 6 years, 46 years of age, but look 37; attractive and phisically fit. Do Kegel exercises. I have not had any children.

My husband and I have always had intimate issues. He seems not to feel me well. I visited two gynecologists for physicial examination to see if I have loosen, but they both said I am normal. Nobody complained about it before either, and he is average size.

Someone mentioned in the forum that this could happen if a man masturbates too much, since the hand squeezes much tighter than a vagina. He does not deny masturbating a lot when he was single or had difficulty meeting women as he was a little shy.

What bothers me is that the normal position from behind and closing my legs that is supposed to be the one that give the man more pleasure, sometimes, does not seem to work either. He says he does not feel me or that I am too wet.

The worst is that it used to be 1 time out of 4, but he has lost all his erections during intercourse lately, It got to the point that I don’t even want sex with him anymore. I avoid it at all cost because it became a psychological torture to me since long time ago, and lately embarrassing and frustrating to him. I feel that he gets discourage because of not feeling me tight.

How can I change his mind on how to get pleasure from a vagina that does not have the grip of a hand. I have told him that, but his ideas or preferences seem to be very rooted. Ironically, he is the one wanting to have sex once weekly.

He does have normal morning erections, so I don’t think is physical.

I wonder if I am really big there because I, sometimes, don’t feel as much either unless I am on top…

Do you have any suggestions or comments. Thanks.

[Fiantella]

I forgot to mention he is 38. We are physically fit, exercise 3 times a week.

[Fr_Chuck]

He may of course be losing feeling,
Has HE been to the doctor to be checked
Does he still masterbate a lot ?

[Fiantella]

I think he did go to the Urologist like 2 years ago, and there were not special findings. He does have low sperm count, but we did find out this longer ago.

He does not masturbate anymore, but when he loses his erection he tells me to wait and starts touching himself, which really bothers me because it is confirming that he has to give himself pleasure to regain it. I tell him that he is trying to give solution with the root of the problem.

He has become too self-conscious about it because I got to the point that I don't hide how angry it makes me feel. I have been dealing with it for long and I became hopeless.

He is very loving man, I do think he really loves me. I don't know what could be exactly.

[J_9]

Your husband needs to be checked for prostate problems as well as possibly diabetes. Both of these could be causing the problem you are concerned about.

Now, you don't hid how angry it makes you feel? If you are showing this anger he may not want to be intimate with you for fear of being degraded and ridiculed.

[Fiantella]

I am very aware of my reaction making it worse, but it is extremely frustrating for me at this point, because I have been dealing with this for many years, and in stead of improving is getting worse. My only conclusion has been that he needs to change his tightness standards.

Also, I always leave important points out. He takes medicine to suppress his mood. I don't know what drug, but it may be partly for anxiety. And I believe he asked the doctor who prescribes it if it could be the culprit, and he answer he did not believe so.

He seems very healthy, and I tend to believe it is completely psychological. But it does not hurt to get a checkup. By the way, he is a physician; his specialty is spinal cord.

As a physician he should have a lot of knowledge about this, but some it is not the case when it comes to our own case.

Thanks you for keeping your timely answers coming.

[J_9]

As a physician he should have a lot of knowledge about this,

I beg to differ here. He is a physician dealing with spinal cord issues, not erectile dysfunction. I am a nurse in labor and delivery. I can deliver a baby without a doctor, but don't ask me to treat a gunshot wound. You see, they are different specialties.

[CravenMorhead]

My take on this.

To answer the title of the question: No. You're probably not too loose. You've never had children and you have tight Pelvic Floor Muscles. Even after having a children you probably wouldn't loosen noticeably. I have no data for this as my GF hasn't had a child and my friend is not willing to answer the question.

Knee jerk reaction, Maybe the hallway isn't too big but the sausage is actually a cocktail weiner. *wink*wink*nudge*nudge*.

It sounds like there is an issue down there. He used to, but isn't masturbating any more. He goes soft during sex. His libido is low. All point to a prostate, testicular, or nerve issue. I don't think it is psychological, at this point.

Best advice, get him to a doctor and get blood tests as well as physical exam of his urogential system. It also needs to be a doctor that he is comfortable talking to about his erectile issue. If he can't talk about with his doctor then the problem won't be fixed.

It could also be a drug interaction. Mood suppressants have odd effects on other parts of life. A second opinion is good.

Last point, him masturbating to get hard again isn't indicative of him masturbating period. He is trying to get hard again and as good as any woman might be he just knows how to touch himself best and how to get his little soldier to stand at attention again.

I think that is everything.

[Fiantella]

You are right. He cannot treat himself; that's why I have looked in different directions, but it has been a hard case to break.

I am not a psychologist, but as much as I know him, I feel it is psychological. He is the type of person that gets his preferences and ideas very rooted, sometimes, when they don't seem to be the most logical to the common sense.

Not sure if someone can change his ways through a sex therapy... But hoping. According to our health insurance, there are none I this area. This is a medium size city. I don't understand... I wonder if we can get it by phone...

[Fiantella]

Ok. I just read your last answer.

I will definitely tell him to go to a specialist again. This cannot go on and on in our lives.

Thank you for your wise and timely advice.

[smoothy]

I agree with the above... this is an issue he has... not you.

While an extremely tight vagina may feel great... you will be running a sprint and not a marathon.

And personally... I never enjoyed a hurry and get it over session.

But as was mentioned... you probibly aren't any looser than you was at 20.

I knew a mother of 4 in her late 30's that was tighter than any vrigin I ever had... and in fact tighter than any woman I ever slept with except one... who was an exception to the rule because she had superhuman muscle control and strength down there.

At his age things can crop up that can attribute to his problem... most of which have no other obvious symptoms. But will turn up if specific tests are run regularly... blood sugar, blood pressure, etc.

[Larken85]

Here is a thought. I hate to say this but... it is possible that he has been with you for so long and that with him no longer masterbating, he could be far to used to your vagina. So much so that if it doesn't feel different that he doesn't really feel it at all. Try doing other stimulating things, give him a hand job, or a blow job. Keep it on one of those things until he is about begging for vaginal. When you get back to vaginal it'll be something he has not had in a minute and maybe he will feel more.
On second thought I agree that it may be a health issue earlier stated. But also the side effect to almost all mood enhancers is lack of sexual desire and/or sexual disfunction. Can't count that out. My mood enchancers are not effecting me that way but I have only been on them for 2 months so it is too early for me to say it won't happen.
Added note, I hadn't made love to my fiancé in 8 months and in that time I had to resort of self stim, and last night we finally made love again. It is almost hard to get back into the swing of it if you know what I mean. Pressure wasn't right.
Perhaps he is saying that he is not masterbating but really is. I have read studies that say that a lot of men masterbate 3-4 times a day (which always seemed extremely high to me because I am maybe once a week) but just talk openly to him and see if it is mental or physical.
Oh and last point, the problem isn't that he convinced himself that you are too loose and that's the problem. It's not like men to mentally convince themselves that something is wrong and it actually makes it wrong to them. That is like hypocrondria. I would say if he does't think he is sick and then actually gets sick that this is not likely the problem. Just an opinion though

[Lucky098]

Sounds like you have sex by the book. Which could become boring to him. I know different positions cause your body to contort different ways and make the feeling for him different.

Maybe make your sex life more exciting? Sex is like everything else we humans do and get stuck in a rut with.

When he goes limp.. Try oral sex. Don't let him try and stimulate himself for you. How romantic and sexy is that?

Get the vib. Rings.. get the kharma sutra oils.. maybe check out those strange positions that look impossible to do.. Maybe explore elsewhere if you feel comfortable (anal). Maybe be more advenurous and do it some place random. Watch a porno and try and act it out. Do it in the shower. Try bondage.

I don't know your sex life, and I'm just taking a wild @$$ guess, but it seems like the sex you two have isn't very exciting. You avoid it, he gets frustrated and it stops. Everyone's sex life needs a good jolt here and there.. Maybe its time for yours?

If after everything fails, then it very well could be a medical issue.