[whichwaynow]

Has anyone had experience with trying to divorce a Borderline Personality Disorder person.

We have been together for 17 years, married for 12.

No legal children together, but she had four kids. Three are out and have kids, one 17, is still at home.

It has been a rocky road,, she absolutely MUST control everything. Finances, where we live, decisions... how I must maintenance the car or even how to do a woodworking project. Insane, there is nothing that is US or even me... all her.

She claims that she will destroy me if I divorce, however, she tells me to leave every other day. I know this is just another form of control...
She does not have an income by choice. Or rather, she "claims" to be disabled, however does not receive ssdi. Her 4th appeal was just denied again after 13 years of attempts.

I am a disabled veteran. I receive 1400 a month. I do also receive unemployment, but it will soon end... my doctor does not want me to work anymore.

She insists that I am being lazy and that is why I am not working. Uhh, hello. Not many people are working right now.

Truth be told, I am tired of working just for her to spend as she wishes. I feel like a slave who has been castrated. I serve only one purpose,, to make her money.

It kills me to think that I would have to pay her my entire disablility check plus probably more if she gets her way. I would still have to try to work for the rest of my life just to make spousal support payments to her. Honestly, I would rather put a bullet in my head. Sad but true.

She has threatened me that she will draw up her own divorce papers and that if I don't agree to her terms, she will destroy me..

She is quite capable of making any story believable... a master manipulator. She could do it in her sleep. And her three grown girls would back anything she can come up with.

Really sucks. Here, I have put myself out there, supported them all these years when I did not have a legal obligation to do so, and they all turn on me with one word from their mother...

I am in Oregon, portland. Does anyone know of a good resource.

Questions...

Is there a chance that a judge will be fair so that I won't be left destitute and under her power for the rest of my life.

I don't have access to my money without making her homeless, which I don't think would look good in court, and that is not what I want to do to her and my son... do you think there is a way to get help and pay later?

I don't know which way is up anymore... thanks

[tickle]

You have to visit an attorney and see what all your options are.

Tick

[cdad]

Mainly follow state laws and keep quiet. Let things work their own way out. Since there are no custody issues in it. Then it's a matter of settlement and walking away. Don't sign anything she requests and follow all the laws. Once you walk away do not say anything in return. Leave it be.

[Gemini54]

Can I suggest you look at this website and start doing some research?

A Shrink for Men

You'll need to keep records of what you can and have people that can back you up regarding her BPD.

Make sure you get advice from a lawyer that has experience in dealing with these sorts of cases.

Unless you prepare yourself she'll take you to the cleaners.