Pergatory

epoh · Dec 12, 2006, 02:08 AM

Hi

My boyfriend of five months has been helping me financially since I lost my job a couple of months ago. He's been paying my rent and buying my food. I am SO grateful for his compassion and generosity, and I am in love with him, regardless of his financial status.

His behavior and my intuition has me suspicious that he is seeing his ex-wife or someone else. He doesn't want to acknowledge our relationship in public, we don't go out other than for breakfast, he says his job keeps him busy most weekends. When I try to discuss my feelings, he gets upset and acts as though he is disappointed in my lack of trust. He seems to love me. I feel I am in some sort of relationship pergatory.

How would you handle this situation?

s2tp · Dec 12, 2006, 02:37 AM

Well how does he 'seem to love you' if he will not discuss your relationship? Cause he pays for your expenses?

Its nice that he is being so helpful, but there may be ulterior motives. I have learned that intuition, instincts... all of it tends to be true when it comes to suspecting someone of cheating/seeing someone else.

The fact that he does not like to discuss your feelings, and doesn't seem to acknowledge a relationship in public leads me to believe he is using you...

I know its hard to believe cause he is, after all, keeping a roof over your head and food on your table... but hun that is not love... he is not sharing himself, his feelings, his life... Bluerose has a very good posting up about relationships... I will look for the link for you.

As for what to do... well you need a job! So you an support yourself. You don't want to keep depending on him cause one day he may just pull out completely...

You could try talking to him, and try to get more answers as to where your relationship is and where its going... but I get the feeling he doesn't want that.. so it may be the end of the relationship. I can't tell you what will happen, but its something to try if you really want to know. I hope everything turns out OK though... maybe there is more to him than I can tell...

Best of Luck

Here is that link: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ips-47760.html

talaniman · Dec 12, 2006, 09:51 AM

How would you handle this situation?

First you need to be independent. As long as he knows you need him to for support you are his, and he will, and does what he wants. You can either accept this , or do something about it. As grateful as you are for his help, you would be far better in a real relationship. This one is master/slave, and not healthy at all for you. He gives you enough to get what HE wants, and don't think for a minute he cares about what you want. This is not love, but manipulation. Be honest with yourself, gratitude is not love.

Wildcat21 · Dec 12, 2006, 11:05 AM

Yes - you must be independent!

How ca nyou love someoen who does not acknowledge your love??

He gives you a ton of reasons not to trust him. He doesn't respect you one bit. No trust. No respect. No relationship!

Is he even really divorced>??

You have massive issues here and they aren't good.

phillysteakandcheese · Dec 12, 2006, 12:02 PM

This might be harsh, but... It sounds like you might be trading room and board for sex.

You describe the situation as if you were a "kept" woman... a mistress. He comes along, pours attentions on you, makes you feel obligated to "do things" because he is paying your rent and feeding you, and he won't talk about your future together or let you into the rest of his world.

I would do as others have said - Get your independence back.