[meandering12]

I started to write to a Spaniard as a penpal in 1/2009 for 6 months (i.e. the Spaniard lived in the same city as mine from 2005 to 2007. At first, I did not expect any romance from the writing as the Spaniard told me that he has fallen in love in 3/2009 with an Argentinian girl whom he met on his flight to Argentina during spring break. Their relationship did not blossom and the Spaniard vacated in the States for July and August 2009 since he teaches in Spain.

In 7/2009, he told me he broke up with his ex-girlfriend of 20 years in 6/2008 that she moved to another city of Spain that is approximately 3-hour from his city. Then he met the Argentinian girl in 3/2009 for a couple of months - other than that, he has no other girlfriends after 6/2008.

Before he left to Spain, he finally told me that during his 20 years with his ex-girlfriend - they have an open relationship (i.e. they can sleep with others or have boyfriends or girlfriends on the side). I told him to forget about me then - don't write or talk to me anymore as I am looking for a committed relationship. Then in 9/2009, he told me that he loves me and wants to try for a committed relationship with me.

Though he broke up with his ex, on average he still has had sex with the ex-girlfriend on a monthly basis while the ex has already had other boyfriends (i.e. he drove to her place once a month for the weekend - that means he had sex with her in September, October). We vacationed in Asia in November 2009 and I introduced him to my mom and dad (I am an Asian American who has lived in the US for over 23 years).

I did not know about this until December 2009 this year when I pressed him to talk about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend while I visited him in Spain. I told him that I would like a break-up as he is too complicated for me. Then he again told me that he would cut the tie with his ex-girlfriend.

He did start to cut the tie with his ex-girlfriend in 1/2010 by separating their finances and did not have the monthly sex with his ex-girlfriend since December 2009.

He came to the States to visit me in 2/2010 and asked me to marry him, but he warned me that he may be able to be faithful for a few years. However, after a few years, he may have the urge to sleep with other women like he had done in the past. I told him not to ask me to get married if that is the case.

He is going to visit me again in 3/2010 - What should I do? 1. Cut the tie with him and forget about him? 2. Try to change him? 3. Marry him given his past history and present confession. I like to have a normal life with a normal man with a normal family life.

[CarrotTalker]

Since you are writing here, it tells me your gut instinct is telling you something.

RUN!!!!!

He wants something completely DIFFERENT from what you want. He even TOLD you this in clear English "he warned me that he may be able to be faithful for a few years".

While you want "I like to have a normal life with a normal man with a normal family life".

There are plenty of wonderful men out there who want the same thing as you. Listen to your gut and kick this guy to the curb.

I wouldn't even let him visit you again in 3/2010, just cut your ties and safe yourself the time and STD risk.

[amicon]

Don't waste your time on someone who's not even in the same book as you are,never mind same page.

Leave him to his complicated relationship ideas.

Find a man who wants the same things as you.

[I wish]

Shall I marry a Spaniard who insists on an open marriage?

Obviously not.

How can you get married to someone who doesn't share your interpretation of a marriage?

[mistyjane]

No you can't marry this man.
Forget him and go no contact.
Many others out there!

[sully123]

I wouldn't answer his calls, and if he ever showed up, I would shut the door in his face. You worth more than that. Don't even think twice about a loser like that.

[talaniman]

Stop this insanity and end it with a guy who has said he will cheat in the future. That makes no sense.

[neverme]

Look at your post, you know you shouldn't.

Tell him, for what, the tenth time?! that you don't want an open relationship no matter how he wants to jazz it up!

Then cut all contact with him.

[vanheart]

Yes, run.

20 years with his ex & wants a wife with an open relationship?

What's the question again?

He wants 2 ex's and more...