[MLB33]

I don't even know why I ask that... I knew the response I would get

[Newguy2009]

I know without a doubt that she does know how I feel and she knows is her move to make if she so chooses.

You gave her the chioce. She made it... so my answer to you is No. Do not waste your time, you will feel worse later. I guarantee it. In your own words you said the ball is in her court. Why would you need to contact her? Let her do her thing. She knows how you feel and if she wanted you she would let you know. She doesn’t. You are thinking about “what ifs” and maybe somewhere down the road you will get back together but that is false hope and something I have dealt with in my past. The truth is she doesn’t want to be with you and if she did she wouldn’t need time away or whatever. This is the sign of someone that is not willing to work through problems, at least not with you. Do you really want someone like that in your life??

I feel your pain, I really do but when one person doesn’t want to work at a relationship. It will fail! Hope you make the right choice buddy.

[I wish]

If you really feel that you should remind her of your feelings, then send her a message. But don't expect anything to change. You've been with her for years. If she doesn't know how you feel by now, then 1-2 more messages won't change anything.

Think about it this way, if you send her a message, whatever she responds, you will completely over-analyze every word. If she doesn't respond, you will feel guilty because you will think that you've pushed her away further.

The bottom line is, it's up to her if she wants to give you another chance.

[Newguy2009]

I dont even know why i ask that....I knew the response I would get

You will do what you are going to do regardless but let me just say this... I came here looking for replies on what I WANTED to hear, not what I NEEDED to hear. There is a common theme on these threads and I didn't see it at first and you don't seem to either. That's OK but trust me when these guys and galls are all saying the same thing, don't you think that's for a reason? Its to help you and save you pain and suffering

[MLB33]

I Wish - I totally agree. Its just so freakin hard to sit here (not literally Im doing stuff) and do nothing. I just can't imagine that helping my chances in my situation. Yes, its suppose to be about me and yes Im probably just making it worse on myself by not giving up but the fact is... that I just don't want to yet you know? I know that may sound silly to a lot of you guys and it may sound that way to me in several months but right here right now, Im not ready to give up on this yet.

I do believe my feelings have been put out there, so that's not the issue. I just don't want her to think I quit.

New guy - Know where your coming from too, but like I said, sitting here seems like its hurting our chances more than helping. I don't mean Im going to go over there and kiss her and throw I love you's all over the place but just something subtle.

What do you think about me writing this in the card. And only this...

"You may be out of sight, but never out of my mind. I miss you"

Like... I really really don't know what to do in this situation. Like I said, my feelings are ALL out there, but she knows I quit on everything and Im sure she expects me to give up. This is ridiculous and frustrating

[talaniman]

Calm down, either she makes her choices without any influence from you, or you will push her away by putting romance and BEGGING over positive actions.

Forget her, and show yourself, that you haven't quite on yourself, by making some good adjustments to both your thoughts and actions that make you better, FOR YOURSELF.

Forget the card.

[MLB33]

Ok... still haven't contacted her. I re-thought the card idea. I do however, think Im going to write... "Dont mistake my silence for me giving up. Im respecting your space. I am here if and when you need to talk" on a pieace of notebook paper and put it in her mailbox or something. That's really brief and I don't think it sounds like begging. Go ahead, let me have it, I know its coming.

[Romefalls19]

No! That is still not following our advice, what we have done works. This desperate plea for her to contact you is not a good idea

[talaniman]

I agree with Rome, sounds desperate and lame to me.

No contact means NO CONTACT!

[amicon]

Forget cards,notes and stick to your NC.

You're still hanging there-start moving,as in on.

[MLB33]

I've done good so far I think... if "good" is defined by not contacting her. Just somebody tell me they see what Im saying. I don't know that Im right or wrong, but just understand where I am coming from about being afraid that she may think Im quitting on her.

However, now that I think about it, this help desk is to make me better. Not to get us back together... right? Holy hell I hate being confused like this.

I will tell you this though... I had a long 7 or 8 page letter that I was going to leave her a few days after we broke up. It was full of Im sorry's and what if's and Im glad I didn't send that. Thank you for helping me through that. At this point, Im just afraid she thinks Im giving up.

I don't understand how stuff like this happens. Really, I don't. I found emails and cards and notes she had left like 2 weeks before all this happened talking about how much she needed me and how this was forever and so on. Now this, I just flat out do not understand.

[Imabadman]

Ok....still havent contacted her. I re-thought the card idea. I do however, think Im going to write...."Dont mistake my silence for me giving up. Im respecting your space. I am here if and when you need to talk" on a pieace of notebook paper and put it in her mailbox or something. Thats really brief and I dont think it sounds like begging. Go ahead, let me have it, I know its coming.

Look at yourself. Seriously, just look at yourself and the tripe you're concocting in order to reach out yet one more time… BY GOD MAN GET A GRIP!!

You're heartbroken and you're delusional at the moment. This isn't your favorite chick flick. You're not a white night and doves won't fly from her arse when she reads yet another dribbling profession of your love.

Suck it up.

She knows how you feel. Let it go. Be patient. Sorry to say patience may require more then 5-7 days, think months. The best thing you can do right now is keep those feelings and delusional thoughts of grandeur inside and make an honest attempt to move on with your life. Go hit a gym, learn something, make some friends, do community service, anything, something to get your brain occupied.

Not everything in life is logical. As the saying goes, $hit happens. Her thoughts of you, for you, have swayed. They can sway again. The most refreshing thing you can do is deal with it appropriately.

[amicon]

Let go of the false hope-it's been two months.
Accept that at some point,preferably this instant,you have to start moving on.

You need to get your life back,instead of staying stuck in this confusion and wishful thinking.

[MLB33]

Its been 2 weeks. And I'm not "reaching out one more time." Ive not reached out at all! That's my point!!

I do workout, been working out for 4 days a week for 3 years or so. I do have hobbies and friends and I know what you are trying to tell me but I'm not saying I'm dying, or just laying sobing in the floor. I mean it hurts like crazy! Im a pretty strong willed person, and I know I can go NC. I don't know, but I think I can. BUT... I honestly just don't feel like this is the right thing for us. I say that, in mind, that there is a lot more to it then I could ever write on here. But yes, she did break up with me, so maybe you all are right. Its not a dilusional crazy feeling I just conjured up because she broke up with me. I have a level head on my shoulders, I haven't in any way acted irrations towards her and I just don't think it should be over

[I wish]

If you want to stay in contact with her, it could easily generate false hope. If you can separate false hope and communicating with her, then by all means, go for it.

The reason you need NC is to heal from the break up and to alleviate the false hope, so that you don't prolong the pain and suffering.

[MLB33]

To be completely honest, at this point I don't think I could separate the 2. I do want it to work...

[I wish]

I can sympathize as it's extremely difficult to let go overnight. It takes time to let go. Grieve as long as you need. Every heals at their own pace. You've got to find your own comfortable pace.

Just know that NC is always available when you're ready to heal. NC is also only one of many tools to help you heal.

[talaniman]

Welcome to the real world where feelings and hearts change all the time whether you accept it or not.

[dynocompe]

Your biggest problem is that whenever you do get contact with her, you are constantly asking her how she feels, or promising how you have changed. How about next time you see her or whatever, if you ever do. DO NOT BRING UP THE RELATIONSHIP AT ALL!
Do not ask how she feels about you!
Instead show her a good time, show her some fun!
This is the way she will fall in love with you again.
SHe is not going to fall in love with you again with your constant sobbing, and asking how she feels, or you telling her you miss her, or pleaing to her you will be better.
SHOW IT. And once you show it, DO NOT ASK HER, am I doing good? You like the new me.
Quit asking, and show some confidence in yourself, she will see this.

[MLB33]

UPDATE: Ok contrary to dyno's post above I haven't been contacting her. We were on diff pages. Anway, after 2 weeks of absolutely no contact, I called her tonight. She answered. She sounded really tired and just worn out. I mean she has been working from 7am to 11pm this week. She is still stressed I can tell. BUT, we talked for about 10 minutes. Just a friendy conversation, I asked how everything was going with her and she replied saying money was tight and just told me about what's been going on. Then she ask, how I'd been. I told her my work had been crazy, and its most def has been. We just talked back and forth about those 2 things, and her dog, for 10 min or less and I said I had to go because I just got home and had to get started on something for work. So... I ended the conversation. I did NOT want to talk about "us" at this point and we didn't. I didn't say I missed you or anything at all like that. But me calling says that I was thinking about her and cared without me actually saying those words I think. I tried to sound upbeat but not like I didn't care, you know what I mean. Before we got off the phone I did say it was good to hear from you, and she said the same back.

Now, I have a serious feeling that Im fresh in her mind and she's prob stewing over the relationship now. I was never sold from the beginning that it was over but I swear to you, its amazing how if you just step back and don't be emotional, or let those feelings pass a little, and think logically how much you learn about yourself and what went wrong. But I hope she is stewing over us.

My question is, if I don't hear from her this weekend, that would give her Fri, Sat and Sun to hopefully be excitied that I called. Remember I was afraid that she would think I gave up on us, because she thinks that's what I do in situations like this. She thinks I run... and for good reason. I have before, not with us, but when things get hard, before I did tend to just say the hell with it. Anyway, a little excited sorry getting off track. Im trying not to get my hopes up, but do you think I should call on Mon and ask her out to dinner. I won't say to talk about us or anything just, how was your weekend, do you want to meet me for dinner on ____ day at _____ time. What do you think?

PLEASE don't just say its false hope! I mean, if you think it is then go for it, but don't just say that one liner and let that be your response.

And... if she says no to dinner, whether it be just "i cant" or in a round about way like "im not ready for all that yet" do you think that's my sign that's its over over?

Thanks