[soulsearching79]

So I'll give a little background history. I started dating a girl in May of 2009, and we both felt an instant attraction to each other. As far as interests go, we are almost a perfect match. We're both very outdoorsy, and spent a good part of last summer camping together and having a great time.

About 3 months in to the relationship, I made a huge massive mistake. I was at a friends wedding, and happened to bump in to an old co-worker of mine that no longer lives in state. We got to talking, and drinking, and eventually she came back to my place.

I was completely drunk, but coherent, and we kissed a bit, that is all. She did stay with me that night though. My girlfriend actually came by in the morning and caught me with some strange person in bed with me. I knew in that moment there was a good chance that we could never move forward.

About a week went by when I attempted to contact my girlfriend to talk to her, but she would not respond to any contact attempts I made. I saw her at a friends house eventually, and told her I really needed to talk to her. We sat for hours, crying, talking about what had happened. I realized in my time away from her that I was falling in love with her, and that she was a perfect match for me. Since that day I have been completely faithful to her, and have no desire to be with any one else, period. I love her.. she is an amazing woman, and my heart is completely with her.

Since that day when she decided to give me another chance, we had been together without a break for about 6 months until this last Monday. Over the 6 months, she would bring up my act from time to time, varying in the amount of time before it resurfaced. It has also made her think I am a liar and deceitful, which she has told me on numerous, numerous occasions.

She believes that if I get a text from someone (specifically a girl) that I should disclose that I received a text from them or it is deceitful and hiding something from her. The fact is, I'm not trying to hide anything from her, nor am I wanting to be with the person who texted me to begin with. For example, I received one from a friend last weekend that said "Hi guys! My good friend is having his cd release party at Club X, and it would mean alot to him if you showed up!" Obviously a bulk text, and it was someone I hadn't talked to in a couple of years, and I didn't respond at all. My girlfriend saw the text in my phone and instantly said I was being deceitful and lying to her.

This of course wears down on me, because I don't feel I am being deceitful, or lying to her. I feel like most of the time she thinks I'm this horrible person, when I know that I am actually in fact a good person with a very big heart, that made a mistake that has fueled her lack of trust in me.

I have apologized to her on countless occasions for what happened, and I know that I won't let it happen again. It made me realize what I stood to lose with this girl, how much in fact I do love her, and how much I need her in my life. I would never, ever, ever cheat on her again.

Anyway, sorry to jump backwards, but Sunday night (a week ago) I had a poker game at my place. I told her I was going to have one, so she was aware of this. I called her about 15 minutes before game time just to call and chat for a few minutes before people started showing up, and I could tell she was upset with me. The next time I texted her was after the game, letting her know how the game went and that I love her. The next day, I text her in the morning, and get no response. Call her and text her on my lunch, no response. Same thing after work. So after work, I just decided to go by her house to see what was going on. Almost immediately she says, "I don't think I can be your girl friend any more". She asked me if I wanted to stay and talk, but I couldn't do it (too much emotion) and so I left.

This Friday (two days ago) we met up, talked, and shed a lot of tears. She said she still loves me, but she feels like I walk all over her and she won't let anyone do that. We had a good heart to heart, and she went home that evening. We spent most of yesterday and today together, but she has made it clear that we are not together, and she hopes things will work out but she doesn't know. She has also made it clear that she doesn't trust me, which I was already aware of because she has told me on several occasions. I told her that I know what I did was incredibly wrong, and that I understand that she feels that way. I know that my act was severely selfish, and I beat myself up every day over my act, whether it is provoked by her or myself. I have, on the other hand, forgiven myself, and trust in myself that it would never happen again.

I really need any kind of advice that people have to offer. I love this girl, completely and wholeheartedly, and can't seem to make her understand. It's literally destroying me. This whole weekend, even while I was with her, I would just start crying when I was holding her, because I don't know if it will be the last time I get to be close to her. And I know many of you will batter me for what I did, and I am OK with that, I know what I did was wrong, and know that it will never happen again.

How can I aid her in her healing process so that she can perhaps trust me again? I know that I hurt her very deeply, and want nothing more than to get back on track with her, and I know that will require her healing and learning to let go of the past. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks~

[dynocompe]

I have never cheated on a girlfriend so I can't give you advice from experience. All I have to say is you made your bed, and now you have to lay in it. This is why you can't cheat! Trust and communication holds a relationship together. When you break someone's trust, it is VERY hard to get it back.
I would just take this as a life lesson learned.

[Wondergirl]

There's nothing you can do to help her heal. That's her job, not yours. You've bent over backwards to prove you are trustworthy, but she is always suspicious. It doesn't sound like she has made much -- or any -- effort to do any healing.

I say go total No Contact, for your sake, not for hers. No real-life or phone talking, no texting, no emailing, no PMing. Nada. Get back into life without her.

[talaniman]

You leave her alone to heal by herself. Amazing how we realize what we have lost after we screw up. Even though you have forgiven yourself, she has a long way to go before she gets the image of her boyfriend and another female out of her head. She didn't destroy the trust, you did, but she is the one having a hard time coping.

Just a lesson for next time as drunk is no excuse for bad judgment, and it has cost you.

Leave her alone for a while as she will let you know when she can deal with this, if she ever does.

[amicon]

You can't do anything but let her handle this herself.

You broke her trust and whether she will heal and want to get back with you only the future can tell.

No contact-she knows where to find you should she want to.

[Romefalls19]

You have to let her heal on her own, you can't help someone heal. I know that is a hard thing to realize but it's really for the best

[mistyjane]

There's nothing to do to help her.
My ex did the same thing to me and I was never able to forget the memorie of them together.
You say you have forgiven yourself AND SO what?
Cool for you then! But don't forget she went back to you this proves she wanted to try to forgive and forget what you did to her.You broke the trust it's not easy to get back the trust of someone.

[talaniman]

Put yourself in her shoes, and see if you can forgive, and forget so easily.

Even when you do forgive, there are still consequences of your actions to pay.

[sully123]

It's ashame, but it taught you a lesson, and it cost you your relationship with your girlfriend. The trust is gone, and usually it never comes back. She really did try and make it work, but it just wasn't there. You play you pay, and you learned a lesson from it. The best thing you can do right now, is leave her alone. You can't beg to have the relationship work, its up to her..