[davish]

I am a high school teacher in North Carolina. One of my students (16 years old) is having a difficult time with her family situation. She lives with her biological mother and her mother's boyfriend (father of the youngest two of the 6 kids); her biological father is not present nor involved. The "parents" have split up and reconciled at least three times in the last two years - the last time the mother rented a place in a different town and had no plans to take any of the kids with her. The parents have since reconciled again and now live in the same house with all 6 kids.
They have announced this week their intention to sell the house and move to separate homes in another state. The two oldest children (over 18) will not be moving with them, but the youngest three will be moving with their mom. The 16 year old will be a Senior in high school next year and would very much like to stay at the school so that she can graduate with her classmates and teachers.

I have known this young woman for the past three years. I pick her up for school in the morning, I take her to work in another town every night, I also drive her back home when it is needed. She turns to me for advice on academics, college, future employment, relationships, and friendships. I have been actively involved in teaching her to drive (yikes). Additionally, the mother has previously given me permission to sign for her and her sister's report cards when she could not be bothered to drive out to the school. This young lady has become an unofficial member of my family.

I completely respect her mother's right to legal custody and the need for them to maintain a healthy relationship. However, I feel that although their mother/daughter relationship has improved in recent months the mother is leaning to heavily on her daughter's contributions to running the household. The mother "borrows" money from the daughter frequently without repayment. She requires her to spend a large amount of time caring for the younger children. This child has spent time crying to me about how she has made good decisions with her sexual activity so that she will not be a parent before she is ready and how she feels it is unfair that she is expected to play such a large role in raising these younger kids (all under 8). She was not included in the decision to have these children (not that she should have been) and therefore should not be held responsible for raising them.

I would very much like to come to an arrangement with her mother that would allow her to stay in this part of North Carolina so that she may finish out her senior year. I can provide her with a room in my home, food and spending money, transportation, discipline and boundaries. I would also encourage her to continue trying to build a healthier relationship with her mother. I can easily monitor her academic progress as I have done for the last three years.

Does anyone have some idea of how this situation might be perceived by a court in an emancipation hearing (last resort) or in the process of trying to attain some form of legal guardianship?

[Fr_Chuck]

What is your family life, are you married ? What does your husband think of this.

Now while I respect what you are doing, in some ways you are going out of the bounds of a teacher, and I am concerned over what the school board would think of such involvement.

With that said, is the child going hungry, is the child beat or abused.
And what do you think the mother of the child will say, if the mother ( and the bio father) are willing to sign to give your guardianship.

But if there is no problem other than poor parenting, where CPS would get invovled, I see little help in court.

And see no cause for emancipation which of course can take months and months and the child has to have the resourses to live on their own, not with someone else.

[stinawords]

Emancipation is not an option because the child would have to be self supporting that includes food, shelter, and clothing all on her own. I to wonder what the school board thinks of this but that's kind of a different issue (kind of). That being said the court will be of little help if the parents are not willing to go along with the idea. That means the legal parents not the boyfriend. I doubt the father will have any problem if he really has no intention of being involved in her life as it is. Her mother would have to agree to it as well. Have you talked to the mother about taking guardianship during her senior year? You obviously have talked to her at least on occasion for her to give you permission to sign their report cards. It is time to talk to her again.

[cdad]

I agree with the others on this. Emancipation is out of the question right now and this relationship that you have with your student may have crossed lines well beyond anything you might have considered.

Ref:

http://www.advocateweb.org/home.php?page_id=79

[davish]

This situation has been resolved without the child leaving home. Thankfully she sat down and had an honest conversation with her mother, who was more than willing to listen.
Luckily, by being actively involved and concerned about this child we were not only able to prevent her from running away, but have helped her find a way to have a more positive relationship and family experience in her home.

[stinawords]

I'm glad it turned out well for all involved. Thank you for returning to let us know how it went. Please come back if there is ever anything else.