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Larken85 · Feb 27, 2010, 09:59 PM

My fiancé and I were thinking about adoption whenever we get married here. We have problems to work out before we seariously consider this option but I was just wondering if anyone could give me some pro's and con's about adoption.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 27, 2010, 10:19 PM

You need to be married and together for several years.

No need even discussing it, if there are already problems at this point

Larken85 · Feb 27, 2010, 10:37 PM

Discussing it is needed because it is the only way we would ever have children and along with marriage it is something that would happen in the future. SO thanks for the try but its not what I was fishing for. I wanted pros and cons of adoptions. What ages you could adopt or rather how young, and all that. Just for my information

Synnen · Mar 1, 2010, 06:49 AM

You're almost better off going to some of the more well-known adoption sites out there and reading up. Adoption.org and adoption.com are two great sites.

You DO realize that you have to go through state approval to adopt, correct? And that any agency you go through is going to watch you and your relationship VERY closely before allowing adoption? In most cases, pre-adoption counseling is MANDATORY, so that you understand what you are signing up for.

That being said--my viewpoint on this is very different from most peoples'. I'm a birthmother who is now suffering from infertility issues, so I've had to start looking at adoption as an option for having children.

PROS:
1. You get a child to love and help shape for the future.

If you need more than that as a PRO, adoption probably isn't for you.

CONS:
1. Getting an infant is very difficult. Supply is about a gajillion times lower than demand. If you want to adopt a BABY, please be aware that the potential for heartbreak and disappointment with birthmothers changing their minds is VERY high.
2. You will have the birthmother involved in your life for the rest of your child's life. This is, of course, assuming that you do a domestic adoption. You have fewer chances of ever meeting the birthmother with an international adoption. However--with domestic adoptions, be prepared to send pictures and letters and emails, and probably agree to visits as well.
3. Adoption is EXPENSIVE. It needs to be, to cover expenses for the court costs and agency costs and birthmother's costs. Check with agencies near you. The last time I checked, a domestic adoption of an infant was about $20k. International adoption varies by country, but runs between $10k and $45k, depending on the country of origin.

I suggest going to some adoption sites and doing some reading. I'd also suggest talking to an agency near you to get an idea of the process--each state will differ.

Chuck is right though--you DO need to be married nearly everywhere to adopt, and in most states you cannot even start the process until you have been married a year.

Larken85 · Mar 1, 2010, 07:22 AM

Oh yes I understand the marriage thing. Didn't realize how expensive it would be though. Wow. She has two kids already but eventually I will want one of my own you know. Adoption may not be the right way but my dream to be a father has never faded even after losing our only offspring to a miss carriage and her hystorectomy. Thanks for the info

dynocompe · Mar 2, 2010, 05:27 AM

A kid of your own? But she already has two kids, can't your take her kids as your own? Basically be adopting her children, since that is what you want to do anyway. What is the difference?

Larken85 · Mar 2, 2010, 08:23 AM

The difference is the father will not allow me to adopt them and I would like my name carried on. Its for my father really, I want to give him a grandchild with his last name. Even if not of my bloodline. Plus I would love for him to be able to watch my baby grow as I will.