[vanheart]

Glad my thread put you to sleep, hehehe.

You are doing the right things and started right away, which was helpful for me. Its funny my ex has been on my mind & in my dreams lately. I don't like that one bit. It sure takes time. Im doing OK. Still have those bouts of anger & rejection, but do my best to keep them at bay.

There's no real map, its different for everyone & their situation. I just try & be the nicest, honest person I can be.

Posting here & giving advice really helps.

[RobinBoston]

Haha it did not put me to sleep. It was very interesting and inspiring. I was able to see your improvement over time and I was also able to see how I am acting in ways like you did in the beginning.

Well, now I am trying to get back to the healing road again. I had a busy day today so it was a little easier to keep focused on things aside from my ex. Though the recent birthday drama was on definitely on my mind at many times. Plus, I had ANOTHER missed called from her today that I ignored. She must be itching for information now that she was ignored by my sister and me numerous times. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT TO SAY SO BAD? Well its def not important because she hasn't even left a message - w/e NC for the win!

Anyway, I guess I'll vent a little on how I am feeling. I have felt weird recently about the situation. Her contact may have some part to do with this but not fully. I feel like I am just going through the motions. Like my heart doesn't want to do NC but I know in my head it's the right move and am just following everyone's advice. I know she is bad news and I know it is over and I know I will feel better in time.

But I just have been feeling weird. And not a sad feeling like an I want her back feeling, but a new feeling I haven't felt in the healing process yet. I guess it's a mix of confusion, loneliness, depression, and nostalgia. I don't know guess I just needed to get it down on paper. I felt stronger lately but this could just be a phase that I need to push through.

I do have a feeling her contact contributed to this. I am assuming she will give up soon. And its funny because she is so selfish. It's not like her texts or messages are saying I made a mistake please come back, its all about HER. Screw her HAHA

OK IM DONE WITH THIS RANT - encouragement please haha :)

[vanheart]

The thing is we are never prepared.

We roll with it. And work.

And you are right, all of this desperate attempts from her are design to screw with our head. There's no two ways about it.

But you know the deal. And what to do.

At this point, if its worth it to you, start delving into yourself, some soul searching. How you've dealt with things, people, etc.. What it is you want & can look for.

Your post before made me remember all of the voracious stuff I did to get rid of the pain. Boy, it seems so exhausting now. But that digging really made a difference in every part of my life.

Sometimes with great loss comes enlightenment.

I know this episode will help you become. This is just one of many lessons to come.

[RobinBoston]

Van what do you recommend to do when I am feeling down about everything such as right now. I try to stay busy and everything but at times its just hard not to sit and be down on yourself and life. This is how I feel now. I have been very good at handling everything through my time so far in NC, but right now it is pretty rough.

What do you think were the best tactics to help you through rough times. Or what is just some general advice (besides getting busy)

Also, do you think she will just stop trying eventually if I continue to ignore this recent contacts. It definitely sunk in the reality of me disappearing. Though I saw in your thread your ex tried randomly throughout the course of it.

Also, do you think she will give up soon if I just keep ignoring her.

[vanheart]

Yup, she will stop. Just stay NC and delete any messages. Don't read them over & over. You already know why she's continuing. Guilt and looking for her puppies.

Dude, I did so much. I was pretty bad. But no wuss. Im smart and creative.
That's what I do. So I applied that to this. I read, lots. And wrote hundreds of notes. To myself, to her, to everyone. Really dug deep in my past & why I let this happen & how to smack myself.

I also got out. Hung with my good friends. Biked, played tennis, took trips, partied. Didn't say no to any opportunity for fun that came my way.

[vanheart]

BTW,

Not sure if you've trashed all the things that remind you of her.

I mean EVERYTHING. From emails to gifts.

I got rid of some furniture for gods sake.

Didn't want anything around to remind me.

I even found a love note stashed away a month or 2 ago buried in my sock drawer.
I said ARGGH!! Ripped it up & couldn't put it in my trash fast enough.

[RobinBoston]

Yea, I was smart enough to get everything that reminded me of her out of sight soon after the breakup. So I don't run into anything that reminds me of her. The only things that get me in nostalgia mode are the memories that lie within my head, when I am out and see a place we always went or something similar, or when I get a glimmer of attention from her (such as this week).

I also felt weird today when I saw a couple walking together. I left the gym and felt amazing, then saw them holding hands and laughing and walking. Just quickly made me feel miserable. Felt so alone.

Tho, I am getting more comfortable with the idea of being on my own again. I just miss the comfort of having the intimacy of a girlfriend. I am not saying I am trying to desperately fill the void by jumping to a new girl, I am just saying I really enjoyed the feeling of having a partner, this was my first long relationship. I am the type of guy who rather have something meaningful than go to the bar and bring girls home every night.

The good thing is I am starting to see it is not necessarily the feeling of my ex that I miss, I think a new future girl will make me feel the same way if not better.

I think it is making me feel better to post all this. It may be making no sense whatsoever and very random. But I think this stream of consciousness is helpful after the way I have been feeling and the recent contact

[vanheart]

That's just normal. No advice with those things, only time.

Don't think a future girl will help until you stop hurting from this one. That's not the answer. Don't think that way. You don't need someone to make you happy. That's the point here.

Hey man, I miss that too, but now Im selective. And not really worrying about it.

Its all when you least expect it.

[krim19]

Yea, I agree with vanheart. Every time I was in a relationship, I never was looking for one in the first place. I came across a book at the local book store regarding issues of co-dependence. Now I'd hardly call you or myself co-dependent, but reading a few chapters did strike a chord. I liked having my girl around, but came to the realization it's not her I'm missing. It was like I felt validated from her desiring to be with me, or something along those lines.

Anyway it might be the same case with you. The worst of it, like the shock and betrayal is probably gone. My suggestion is that you keep building yourself RB. The situation with my ex forced me into a situation where I completely reassessed my lifestyle.I figured I want to become strong enough, not to be defined or validated by anyone else. Currently I'm in hermit status, working out, working, and school. I go out with friends occasionally, but for now I feel it's necessary to heal and nurture my soul.


I feel you should continue with the path you're taking and continue ignoring her bro. Work on yourself, and all aspects including relations with family, friends, and future gfs will improve. Be positive, you seem like you have a lot going for you. There's a high chance your ex will come back to you. Make her regret her actions, by being the man.. ; ) cheers

[RobinBoston]

Wow Krim - very nice post.

I can relate sooo much to the end of your first paragraph:

"I liked having my girl around, but came to the realization it's not her I'm missing. It was like I felt validated from her desiring to be with me, or something along those lines"

I was single for most of my life before this long term relationship and I think I really loved the idea of having a partner and companion. It was a great feeling, especially since it was the first time I felt it. It may be true I do not necessarily miss my ex and the person she was, I may miss the idea of her being with me and loving me and me always having someone to count on. And I also think I suffer greatly from "you want what you can't have syndrome lol"

It is probably why I get excited when she shows attention from my NC.

But all in all, I agree with you. I will be "the man" haha and I will continue to ignore her. I AM trying to get back to being happy by myself. I am going to the gym VERY OFTEN, I am finishing law school this semester, I have a new job lined up at a very respectable firm in the fall.

I think that when I get myself back to normal, I will have no problem out there again in the field. It will be HER loss in the long run.

[vanheart]

Exactly.
Her loss, your gain...

[vanheart]

Let me rephrase that:

You're gain, her gain...

Wait, one more time:

Your gain, screw her...

[RobinBoston]

Haha - I like the last one the best Van..

Today started in a funk again - but I went to the gym and class and read and posted on here - definitely feeling a little better now - you guys are a lifesaver lol

Still thinking about her more lately because of the recent events, but trying to control it again and back in the correct mindset.

But now that I have perspective again I am so happy that I kept NC through this week - I know I would have regretted it so much. Let her wonder, and let me not care or think about her life anymore. She no longer exists.

I also noticed I am getting a little more comfortable being alone, not needing to be surrounded by friends and such. Though I think AMHD has become my new addiction haha. Well hope all is well, be back soon for a new update - hopefully positive!

[vanheart]

That was my point.

Yeah there's some soul searching that happens when you just do stuff.
I rode my bike every day last summer to the beach & read, chilled, whatever. Had this BS in my head on every ride. But glad I did.

Worked at night.

Sounds like that funk is becoming more fleeting. Good.

Its weird. We know it. Believe it. But its all about controlling our thoughts.
Master that one and better yet, learn how to ultimately forgive, and you will never have to worry.

Im talking about everything.

[RobinBoston]

Arite here we go - who's ready for a POSITIVE update!

Feeling much better right now. Woke up and was depressed thinking about her so I got right out of bed - then I ate breakfast and had an amazing workout in the gym. It was great for my head - I am starting to physically look A LOT better and I am feeling more confident. I made a goal today to look the best I have ever looked by graduation in May (im talking 6 pack ripped haha)

More good news, I just booked a last minute 7 day spring break cruise with 3 buddies. We are going in 2.5 weeks. Very exciting and will be great to get my mind off things.

I am back on the healing process and think I am out of the funk for now at least. Any strands of false hope she gave me from the post birthday contacts are almost fully gone and I am back to working on closing that door behind me and putting me and my new life first.

Here's to a great day to all and hopefully more positive updates soon!

P.S. SCREW HER!! A better girl is out there and waiting for me and will appreciate ME!

[vanheart]

Congrats, Robin.
Keep it going.

[amicon]

Exactly-good attitude.
Have a great day. :-)

[kctiger]

Have fun on your cruise Rob. I too am going out for spring break. Us single guys deserve it! :D

[RobinBoston]

Haha I agree KC - hope you have a great time as well.

I think a vacation will be a great way to get my mind off things, hang out with the guys, take a break from the everyday routine, and get some new perspective on things. Plus, continuing NC will be easy since I can't use my phone LOL.

I am starting to see the world still continues to run even if my ex and I are no longer together. My head knows what's up and I post it on here, now let's just get me to feel this way all the time!

[vanheart]

You will.
You're off too a fantastic start.