[Vasundra]

I'm a mother of 4 years old & 7 months old daughters , my MIL is verrrrrry clingy , when I had my first daughter I was in sooooo much stress . She does stuff that is really hard to explain to other people ( especially husbands) , I could defenetily feel her looks. If I'm holding the baby she'll just constant stares at me , like she's waiting when I'm going to let go of her so she can have her. The thing I hated the most was ( with my first daughter) , while I used to nurse my baby she used to sit really close to me , to see if baby is rteally drinking or not , if not so she can grab her . I feel like she is trying to compete with me that she is the mom , & my kids should be more close her than me. I hate that . My husband thinks its just love . & I totally understand that she is their grandmom , & she loves them but I just want her to know tat I'm a mom and I need my space with my kids .

[AK lawyer]

Is there a legal question here?

[Alty]

This doesn't belong in the legal forum, unless you're planning on filing some sort of documentation to keep her away from your kids.

So, seeing as it's not a legal problem, I will answer.

To me it sounds like you're insecure. Really, what could happen? How often is she around? Do you really think that her loving her grandchildren, wanting to hold them, care for them, will knock you off the totem pole?

You're their mother. You get to be with them 24/7. I'm betting she doesn't. In fact I'm betting that she doesn't see them all that often.

It's normal to want to spend time with your family. It's normal to love your grandchildren. It's normal to want to hold them, love them, spoil them.

Your actions aren't normal. It seems to me that you have issues with jealousy. It may be time to find out why that is before it affects your relationship not only with the mother-in-law but your husband too.

[Fr_Chuck]

Moved from the law area, since there is no legal issues going on, unless divorce court is in the future

[jmjoseph]

Yes, you need time with your kids, without "supervision".

Limit the time that your mother-in-law has with your children and you.

Have you talked to her about it yet?

And your husband should be more supportive of your feelings.

Is he a "Mama's boy"?

[Vasundra]

No he's not a mama's boy but he just doesn't see anything wrong with it .
To the lady I who sent the first letter... how would you feel if somebody just comes in your bedroom and take your baby with her without even asking u . Or if your baby cries your MIL just take her from you , telling you that you can't take care of her right, the baby won't stop crying unless I hold her... these things will definitely make anyone mad... dont you think so??

[Vasundra]

And I don't want any legal advise I'm just asking for opinion.

[Alty]

no he's not a mama's boy but he just doesnt see anything wrong with it .
to the lady i who sent the first letter ...how would u feel if somebody just comes in ur bedroom and take ur baby with her without even asking u . or if ur baby cries ur MIL just take her from you , telling u that u can't take care of her right, the baby wont stop crying unless i hold her .....these things will definetly make anyone mad....dont u think so ????

Been there, done that. That was my mother-in-law. When I had my son she would actually come up to me while I was nursing, lift the blanket I used for some privacy and stare at my son nursing.

She would take him if he started crying. She would take him while he was still eating. Dry diaper, dirty diaper, didn't matter, I wasn't equipped (in her mind) to change him or care for him.

I just ignored her. She didn't see him often and I know I'm a good mom, so does my husband. She was just jealous. Why would I return the favor and be jealous too? Not my style.

She did the same thing with my daughter. She would sneak her foods that I didn't allow her to have. She even videotaped it so that I'd be sure to find out. She was thwarting me. The more I ignored it the worse she became, until she finally realized that she wouldn't win. They're my kids, not hers.

The learning part came slowly but, if I didn't like something she was doing and we were at her house, I'd just pick up the baby, put him in his car seat and leave.

There was one time that we were there and despite numerous requests for her not to smoke while the baby was in her house, she lit a cigarette. Just to be defiant, show me who's boss. We had just walked in, hadn't even taken off our coats. So I picked up my son, said "Oh, you're smoking now. We'll come back some other day. I don't permit smoking in front of my son".

She tried it a few more times but soon realized that I wouldn't back down. I would just leave.

The thing is, I realized that she was jealous. I had taken her son, now I had given him a child. He didn't need her anymore and I was more then adept at raising my child. She felt like she wasn't needed.

It all came to a head around a year after my daughter was born. Not by me. She's the one that brought it up. She said "Why don't you ever take my advice and do things the way I want?". I said "You suggested that I put whiskey in my sons bottle when he was 3 months old, to help him sleep. You told me to give him peanut butter when he was 2 months old. You suggested honey on the soother. All of these things can be deadly and you wonder why I don't take your advice? I love you, you are their grandmother, but I am their mother and I decide. You had your chance to screw up your kids, now let me screw up mine. " ;)

It worked.

She's been dead for 3 years now. I miss her. I wish we had gotten over it sooner.

[dontknownuthin]

I would take a very practical approach by first limiting the time you are together - be busy! Set particular times when you will see her (every other Sunday for dinner, perhaps) and during the time you are with her, let her go nuts with attention for the children. The rest of the time, you are too busy - your husband needs to draw the line and you need to tell him, "you may see nothing wrong with it but it's making me crazy - I need you to step in just as I would if my family were making you nuts".

You also need to draw personal boundaries around your body. If you are nursing the baby, go in another room and lock the door. If she tries to barge in say, "I'm nursing the baby and would like some privacy - I will be out in a while". If she asks if she can come in just say, "No, please give me some privacy".

[Amy Marie]

Mother-in-laws can be tricky. Mine is the total opposite. Lives out of state and loves her bottle of booze more than anythingelse. Maybe just tell her in a firm way, you would like a bit of privacy. Let her know that being a mother is something you need to learn on your own and don't need people hanging over your shoulder.
Good luck, I know it is something your husband should do for you, but I know first hand, confronting their mother's is no easy business.