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Aurora_Bell · Feb 23, 2010, 01:53 PM

I don't think it will lead her to messing around on you just because she is a virgin now.
Although I do question what exactly it is that you find so appealing with a girl who is 7 years younger then you.

7 years is a huge age difference right now. You may be looking for more then what she is or vice versa. It sounds like a sticky situation, and I kind of get a yucky feeling I'm my stomach thinking about it. She is not an adult, and there-for in my opinion shouldn't be dating one.

dynocompe · Feb 23, 2010, 04:05 PM

It will not last in my opinion, since the age difference is so large at such young ages, you two are in total different places in your life. She hasn't even got to experience being legal age yet! So sooner or later the differences of the stages of your lifes are going to meet and crash, and relationship over.
My opinion on the matter

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 06:26 PM

My question is do you thing having sex with a virgin will lead to her messing around on me with other guys in the future.

That would be up to her character and moral value more so her experience with guys.

And what do you think of the situation as whole?

I think your to old and going behind her parents back may have consequences when they do find out. That you have to sneak around to be together is another thing that may be trouble in the end. Also that your already wondering about having sex means a lot to your motives and feelings, and what if she wants to wait for marriage? Hmm, a true test.

Can this really work, or do you think it will only last a year, or so.

I suspect that she like so many others will at some point want to experience life and party like most young people do and if she goes to college and is free to do as she please, what will she need to be tied down by a b/f for?

Naw, your just strangers in lust now, and won't know anything until it wears off. Sooner, or later, no matter how you feel, or what she says, this girl will be a woman. And no telling how or when her feelings will change but chances are, they will.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 23, 2010, 06:38 PM

I always love it, when the poster knows it is too young when they add ( mature for her age) which is merely an excuse to date someone you know is too young for you.

So what is your opinion about going to the senior prom, or hanging out at the high school football game and going out afterwards to high school parties?

Gemini54 · Feb 23, 2010, 08:57 PM

I don't see that her virginity has anything at all to do with it really.

What's obvious is that she's not yet experienced life and that at her age she's likely to want to.

The other thing that's obvious is that you're making assumptions about your relationship with her, instead of taking it one step at a time.

Going for 'the long term' when she's 17 and you're 24 is hardly practical, I would suggest. There is still so much more life to live for both of you!

Rather that projecting your fears about the relationship and its future on to her, why don't you simply enjoy this person that you claim to have a connection with.

It might work, it might not. It might last a year, it might last 50 years. In the end it doesn't matter - now is the only time you have.

ohsohappy · Feb 23, 2010, 09:10 PM

Who cares what the legal age of consent is? She's practically still a child. You can't really be sure if she's "mature for her age" because you barely know her. Not only that, but young girls almost ALWAYS like to put on a mature act if they want to nab an older guy, it makes them feel mature, even though they're not. And I can't give props to any guy that would actually fall for a guise like that.

Bottom line, she's not as mature as you think she is, and she'll be over you when you start having fights because of the difference in perception, that comes with difference in age.

You're going to start telling her how she should behave and what she should wear, and acting more like a parent to her then a boyfriend.

Lay off this chick, find someone your own age, and let her grow up at her own pace, with people on her own level.

ohsohappy · Feb 23, 2010, 09:14 PM

Another thing that I want to throw out: if you do end up havign sex with this girl, what happens if/when you get her pregnant?

How will you feel when you realize that you're the one responsible for taking this girls childhood away by having a baby with her?

If you aren't ready to be a daddy, then she SURE AS HELL isn't ready to be a mom yet.

Aurora_Bell · Feb 24, 2010, 06:03 AM

I thought you were going to wait a little bit longer to start dating anyway?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-303856.html

About a month ago you were madly in love with your girlfriend, not you are moving onto a 17 year old? You said your other g/f was concerned because she wanted you to relax and have fun and not work so much. How do you think a 17 year old is going to act. Let me tell you, she probably isn't ready to settel down. Or be idly waiting on the sode lines while you are out doing yout thing. When she does tun legal age, she's going to want to be with her friends not waiting and wonderig when you will be coming home!

racquel58 · Feb 24, 2010, 06:30 AM

When I was 16/17 I used to get A LOT of attention from the older guys in their 20's. I did look old for my age, and in a sense act a lot more mature than other girls my age. But I emphasise 'act'. Most were genuinly surprised when I told them how old I was and lay off. I respected that. They looked guilty when I told them!

One, was 25 and asked me out (I was 17). I actually liked the guy and it was cool to be lusted after by an older guy from my perspective. HOWEVER I didn't date him, and I actually felt gross about the situation! I thought 'what does this guy want with a 17 y/o?' 'what does he want from ME when I'm this young?' 'is he so immature that he can't connect with WOMEN his own age that he has to go for GILRS?' 'Does he just think I am easy sexually?' 'does he think that I am going to be easier to push around and control?'

I didn't date him. I ended up dating him when I turned 22. He was 31 and still just as immature... and like I guessed... he was MEGA CONTROLLING. He still went for girls my age (22) and YOUNGER!

His friends, also in their 30's also went for the younger ones, they didn't believe there were 'hot women' in their 30's. Now to me, basing a partner on their looks was immature. Basing a partner on their age was immature. I think these guys NEEDED 17 year olds because they were emotionally stunted. Drugs wouldn't have helped with that. As I guessed... they were all drug addicts.

Now, not saying you are any of these things but as a 17 year old this was my perspective. And still, I question WHY a 17 year old?

Also, I agree with the others that said she will want to go clubbing, go to university etc etc. I don't think she will necessarily want to sleep around to get more experience with others (as someone else said, that will depend on her character)

christoffer · Mar 16, 2010, 07:50 PM

Thanks for your post, I like the you you put things into perspective for me.

christoffer · Mar 16, 2010, 07:53 PM

I think your judging a little harsh, that's not how I'm am.

christoffer · Mar 16, 2010, 07:56 PM

Thanks for the post,you have a good point

christoffer · Jul 5, 2010, 03:24 AM

9 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 5 years.we had had some problems in the past I talked about on here before.but we got back together and moved back home ,things were becoming strong between us.(but to get to the point).I broke up with her because she never would be motivated,would not take the raines for me.she was being lazy when I needed her to be strong.so I broke it off ,I htought I needed someone dofferent who would work with me to make a life.well for 6 months she was in pain did everything to try to get me back.but I would not take her.I was taking the time to rethink what I wanted and were I was going.I still was there for her if she needed though.I talked if she needed to talk ,picked her up if she needed a ride ( since she had no car),and we stii had sex .its not that I dident or don't love her.and I enjoyed being able to be a little distant but still have her in my life.then at the end of six months she broke down begging ,said she couldent be without me.(just want to take a sec to let you know we were planning marriage before I broke it off so emotions were high and she was herting bad).anyway I just kept being there only now and then when she was beside herself. I dated a little but nothing serious and tested the waters of other possibilitys.then she started to see my friend and I got jelouse.I still loved her and felt that I better try to talk to her and see if things could be good for us.but the damage was done,she was scared that I would leave her or did not really believe I wanted her .I told her she needs to do what she feels right,so sohe kept dating my friend.and he forbid he to talk to me .well two weeks past and I called her to talk and she said we had to keep it quiet .I told her many things about how I felt beginning to end ,and ask who she felt.she said she still loved me but coould not understand why the change of heart.to be honest I never new what I was like completely without her till now and my mind was flooded with memorise of the past.now almost three months have gone by and she is still with him.I and others close feel she is afraid to be alone again,and knows this guy is under her control because he has always been desperate and he takes care of her without her having to do anything.I feel she is afraid to risk me breaking her heart again.we were talking but have not for two weeks do to not having a cell anymore,he lets her use his ,you know whati mean.
She never will come get her stuff,(*and I have all of her personal stuff like old pics and boxes of christmas stuff.things I know she cares about.I can't help but think she looks at it as a way back to me if she wants. To the point I want her back,but I want her to be happy.so what do I do.slowly try to connect back and prove my love or what for her to come to me. All I know is that I was wrong and made the mistake.and now I'm afraid. I could have very well lost the most important person of my life and she could be hurting herself by settling for someone out of fear of being alone. All because of me.what can I do?

talaniman · Jul 5, 2010, 06:07 AM

You could always take a few suggestions to end this thing once and for all and get back to healthy thinking and lose the high romantic, filled with false hope fantasy world you're living in now.

Amazing how you dated around and got jealous when she did the same. Simply amazing.

The problem is you have not let go and have become a slave to your own out of control, unrealistic feelings. Its like falling in a hole and think by digging deeper you will get out of it.

Your solution is the same now, as it was before, leave her alone, give her the stuff you have back, and disappear from her life by cutting all contact with her.

Until you show the proper respect for the healing process and commit to it, you will continue to chase the ghost of what was and not see the reality that the ghost is in your mind only, and will keep torturing you forever, as long as you allow it.

Haven't you dragged this saga of your life out long enough? She is doing her thing and you are NOT doing yours. She is settling? I don't think so, and as she moved beyond you, she will move beyond the new guy and you are so blinded to see, or accept that what you had has died and degraded into tolerance, by her of you, so she has not only the option of you two fools, but any one she wants because you are as compliant as he is in accepting the crumbs of her charms and attentions. Disgusting.

Synnen · Jul 5, 2010, 08:38 AM

Wow... shoe's on the other foot and you want her back now, huh?

You BOTH need to be single.

And you BOTH need to say good bye to each other for at LEAST a year with no contact.

Are you 13, or what? Because that's the way you're both acting!

Homegirl 50 · Jul 5, 2010, 05:12 PM

You relationship sounds dysfunctional to me. You didn't treat her well, you sounded as if you didn't even like her very much and now that she is with someone else, you think you want her back.
I think you both should leave each other alone.

Kitkat22 · Jul 5, 2010, 05:28 PM

From reading all your other threads I believe you are better off without each other.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2010, 05:57 PM

By now you are realizing that any new thread you start about the same thing will be merged, no matter how many times you try. May I suggest update this thread instead of copy and pasting may yield you more feed back, as your question has been answered the same way every time.

Despite what you and your friends may think of her actions and the motives behind them, she is free to do as she please for whatever reasons she pleases, so how long are you going to be stuck on this one female who has taken her freedom and left you behind, rationalizing, and scheming on all kinds of ways to justify getting her back.

She may well be foolish, and chasing ghosts, or using the new guy, but that's between her and him, so why is her affairs still your business?

False hope is obvious on your part, and after 9 months surely the shock has worn off and your seeing how hopeless this game your playing is. She is doing her thing, and blowing air up your butt. To some extent, so are your friends, why, I have no idea, but a real friend would tell you straight up to get a life that doesn't include her, and enjoy it. And we all would agree on that.

Let go guy, as your holding on to a ghost of the past, and have to accept it.

Kitkat22 · Jul 5, 2010, 06:03 PM

It isn't going to happen so you should get over and stop asking how, why, where,when.

Everyone has basically told you the same thing and quite frankly I think you're waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear.

Not going to happen. You ask for advice and you are given our advice and opinions. Take it or leave it. Life does stink sometimes.but it's also what we make of our life.

vanheart · Jul 5, 2010, 07:31 PM

This all stems from lack of communication.

Learn from this, so it doesn't happen next time.

But, now, she basically gave you the straight poop. ("she has told me she just wants me to have fun and be happy", "does not want to be with me", "she doesent know what the future might hold")

All soft breakup lines.

Doesn't want a relationship with you

I say don't hang out. Ever. Let her be free.

Did you get the message?

Its time for NC completely. Part ways.