[Lily05]

To keep this brief. I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. And in the beginning he was the "initiator" to ask me out I'd say the first two times. After that I ended up being the "initiator" somehow. I think because at first I wasn't sure If I liked him and didn't really care and just was getting to know him. But now it's starting to bother me now that I'm starting to be interested I'd like to see how much he is interested as well, before I waste anymore time. He Does make contact at least through text messaging . So I FINALLY decided to leave the ball in his court yesterday. He text me a few times and the last thing I said back was "enjoy your day and let me know when you want to hang out again" and he didn't respond back. Was this a good idea?

[I wish]

Too many minds games for a relationship. How old are you?

Why can't you have a mature relationship with honest and open communication?

[redhed35]

I'm not a guy,but in my experience,if you say 'enjoy your day and let me know when you want to hang out' he is not talking to his friends anaylising the text.

He is doing exactly that,enjoying his day,thinking everything is fine between you and there is no problem.

Say what you mean,and mean what you say.

[talaniman]

I think not responding after one day is a bit too much to even worry about. After only two months, the thing I recommend is to keep doing what you were doing before you started dating this guy as its much to soon to be fixated on whether he responds right away. That would be just too much assuming, and presume.

Carry on with your life activities that you enjoy, and don't get so carried away that you are thinking the worst, or over thinking.

Be patient and see what happens. That's what dating is, having fun getting to know someone, and for that matter, you do know your free to date others, don't you?

This has not progressed to the point of exclusive or commitment so don't trip over the small stuff.

Talaniman Rule- Dating is for fun getting to know someone.

Talaniman Rule- When your single, enjoy dating them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

That's how single people have a great time, and don't trip over small stuff, like what ifs, or whys! It also keeps your life balanced, so you can keep things in there proper perspective.

[Lily05]

Interesting responses and smart ones as well. But none of them really answered my question lol!

[Lily05]

Interesting responses and smart ones as well. But none of them really answered my question lol!

Well, I guess In someways it did so thanks;)

[amicon]

Your question was whether sending the -let me know about hanging out-text was a good idea?
That's what you wanted to say,so I guess it was.
How and if he responds is up to him of course.

[Romefalls19]

No sending that text wasn't a good idea. Mind games are for the immature. If you want to hang out, simply put that. You want to find out something ask directly, don't beat around the bush. You want to hang out with him, send him this text word for word

"hey, I was wondering if you wanted to get together this Saturday for a bite to eat"

[Lily05]

I guess what my main concern was me being the one to ask lately. I guess I'm a little old fashioned and would like him to ask and pursue it but haven't given him the chance yet. But like Talaniman said,it's too soon to for all that and no I don't want to play games and seem imature of course. Or I wouldn't be on here asking what the right thing to do would be:). Thank you

[Lily05]

Okay so my situation has dramatically changed since my first initial question. So I've been seeing the same guy I was asking about for about 2 months. We've been, well I thought we've been pretty upfront and honest about what was going on between us. We both were on the understanding that were not really dating but seeing where things would go. There was an intense attraction. All we do is kiss. I asked him upfront if he was seeing other woman the way he was seeing me, a couple of dates ago. I asked in a non confronting easy going way. He said no. I only goes to dinner with the mother of his children every once in a while just to keep a good relationship for the children. So like I said it seemed we were very upfront about things. I saw him Saturday night briefly and acted strangely and said he would call later and never did. Well! I look on a social networking sight this morning and his relationship status has changed to in a relationship!! Wow! What should I do? Should I do no contact and have no closure? Or should I send him a short message stating how he was honest? I'm very hurt by this.

Sorry for my typing errors. I was typing quickly. Correction:He said He only goes to dinner every once in a while with the mother of his children. And when I saw him Saturday night he was acting strangely toward me. And should I state how He was NOT being honest?

[mistyjane]

If he's in a relationship you have to forget him.
Do not contact him.

[talaniman]

I saw him Saturday night briefly and he acted strangely and said he would call later and never did. Well! I look on a social networking sight this morning and his relationship status has changed to in a relationship!! Wow! What should I do? Should I do no contact and have no closure? Or should I send him a short message stating how he was honest? I'm very hurt by this.

I would sure ask him about it, just to be ornery, and be prepared to disappear from his life, very quickly. But you are not me, and don't forget that!!

This is much too much drama for the first few months, and I don't see it getting better, or even worth the time to continue.

Be really nice if you could accept this will never work, and walk away as closure is acceptance and not confirming obvious facts.

[Lily05]

Your right! Especially about closure having acceptance. And I've been thinking and no matter what I say to him it's already stating what he knows was wrong( like you stated "confirming obvious facts) I also don't know how he would respond. Maybe not at all or saying how I'm acting crazy or whatever... It's beyond me why people treat each other so cruelly sometimes. But oh well, you can't control people only yourself.so therefore I have decided that I think it's classier and I'll feel more dignified to just not say anything at all and try to let it go. A lesson learned.

[talaniman]

I think that's the classier approach myself, let them worry, and wonder, why you have disappeared from their realm of useless drama, and BS, and moved to a better place for you. Drives 'em nuts. (nuttier)

Always know it takes all kinds in this world, and don't be surprised when you see them.

[Lily05]

I apologize. But now I've been second guessing myself about saying something to him. I've just been reminiscing on our dates together and all the things he would say that seemed so genuine. Like how much he liked me, taking trips together,etc. Most of my friends are telling me not to say anything to him even if it's just one sentence. Saying how he was dishonest. But it appears that it has taken most of his friends and family by surprise by their reactions on his page it seems as if NO One knew. And he is responding to everyone. I'm wondering if he's just waiting for me to say something so he can say something back or if he's not worth saying anything too since it didn't seem I wasn't worth telling ahead of time. I'm just still torn on what to do! I'm telling myself to give it a week to everything has blown up and calms down to see how I feel about saying anything.

[talaniman]

Going back to his page is a very blatant breaking of NC, and no good will ever come of it. It will feed the self doubt, foster false hope, and it will add to your already growing misery and pain, which will leave you utterly confused.

Believe me, I know. We didn't have Facebook and all that modern jazz, but we did have well meaning mutual friends of our exes, who kept us updated on every move the ex made.

It was pretty miserable. Keep NC the right way.

[amicon]

Stop checking whatever pages he's on and tell people you're not interested in any updates.

Proper NC means: no contact whatsoever,no texting,emailing ,calling or checking out networking sites.
NC will stop your confusion and allow you to start moving on.

It is tough at first but stick to it,it works.
Take care.

[racquel58]

Oh, I do sympathize with you! It is so hard! You will have periods where you think straight and know what you're doing. Then you will have erratic times and question what you are doing (all the while thinking that you are thinking straight!).

Honestly, you just have to go cold turkey. No contact. Don't go to his page and if you are still 'friends' on fb then delete him as a friend. You can even block him so that if you do go to find him again you won't be able to see him =o). IF you unblock him you'll have to go through a series of steps and will not be allowed to block him again for another 48hours after you unblock him. It's not fool proof but those steps may make you rethink your steps!

also, what will you get from talking to him? You already know he was disrespectful by not communicating and also dishonest, as he actually lied when you asked him. He is seeing another woman and CHOSE her over you. Why should he get the opportunity from you to possibly lie more? And disrespect you more? I wouldn't even bother with this. Actually... I did have an experience similar... and I chased him (though I swore black and blue I wouldnt) and I ended up getting him... half anyway. He wouldn't give up the other woman as 'friends' for 6-9months. Compared me to her. Used her as ammunition to get back and me and try to control me. I got worse, allowed more mistreatment and things spiralled downwards.

If I had this insight now I would say relationships should not be this hard ESPECIALLY in the first few months! Forget him!

[Lily05]

Okay an hour after I posted this. He text me lastnight and said hi. I didn't know what to to... respond not respond... so I responded and said hi back. Then he asked How are you??
I said good. I just pretended as if I didn't know to see if he would tell me. He never did and just stopped texting me. He text me a few hours later giving me some lame excuse why he didn't text back. I never responded. Now I feel I should confront him that I know. Because I think he was feeling me out to see if I knew or not. I probably shouldn't have acted like I didn't know. IF he text me again should I ignore or let him know that I know then NC?

P.S. Sorry, I didn't read all your advice before he text me:(. I did feel more confused and it was probably worse that I pretended not to know.
I guess I just wanted to see or maybe give him one last opportunity to tell me. Not that it helps to wonder why and analyze but If he is in this new wonderful relationship now... why is he texting me still? And not tell me like everything is normal... I do feel more confused now

[amicon]

You're confused because you broke NC and got drawn back into the drama.
Make your mind up to stay NC.

Don't reply to his texts.

You don't have to tell him anything,a dignified silence speaks volumes.