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BUBBLES1 · Feb 22, 2010, 12:01 PM

I've been married for 7 years now. We have sex every 2 weeks or so... but I just can't orgasm. I've never ever reached one with him. I can orgasm when I masturbate though.. which is strange. I've never had sex with anyone else before. Is there something wrong with me or is he doing something wrong during sex??
Someone please help

Justwantfair · Feb 22, 2010, 12:06 PM

Female orgasms can be tricky, they are as finicy as the room is too hot/too cold, as minor distraction can disturb one's ability to achieve an orgasm with a partner.

Typically for a female it is also revolved around your emotional bond with your partner, your state of relaxation and if you are focusing 'too' hard it can be counterproductive.

Have you worked with your partner teaching him how to masterbate you to orgasm? Are you able to communicate your needs in the bedroom?

BUBBLES1 · Feb 22, 2010, 12:31 PM

Thanks for the help firstly.

Well, initially, when we just got married and we realised that I could'nt climax... I would masturbate immediately after he came. He then said that I should'nt do it front of him, because it made him feel like "less of a man"
So now I'm just embarrassed to do it in front of him.

Synnen · Feb 22, 2010, 12:53 PM

Okay--that's HIS problem.

*snort* Less of a man, indeed.

First--MOST women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. Are you manually stimulating yourself during intercourse? Does he offer to do so? Is he able to bring you to orgasm through oral sex?

No idea what the problem was originally, but NOW the problem is that you're not comfortable communicating your needs to him, and he needs to back down on the ego crap.

If you can afford it, I suggest couples counseling with a therapist who understands sexual problems.

If you can't afford it, I suggest smacking him upside the head the next time he has an issue with you getting off without him--ESPECIALLY if the only way he's trying to get you off is through intercourse.

The BIGGEST sex organ is the brain. If you're not into everything in your head, you're NEVER going to get there with your body---and feeling uncomfortable about discussing YOUR needs because of HIS ego problem is probably your biggest block.

BUBBLES1 · Feb 22, 2010, 01:03 PM

I just don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with him

But thank you so much for the advice
God bless

Justwantfair · Feb 22, 2010, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by BUBBLES1

I just dont think i'll ever feel comfortable with him

Then, unfortunately, for you both, you will probably never climax during intercourse with him.

CarrotTalker · Feb 22, 2010, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by BUBBLES1

I just dont think i'll ever feel comfortable with him

Why don't you feel comfortable with him?

BUBBLES1 · Feb 23, 2010, 12:21 AM

I realize that "justwantfair"... thats the one thing that depresses me the most... The thought of dying without ever experiencing something so beautiful. I have so many people attracted to me at this point... and I sometimes think pehaps I should just try doing it with someone else, just to see if "he" can make me climax. The problem was always there... even initially when I did feel comfortable with my husband. A friend told me that maybe I'm just not aroused enough by him.

"Carrottakler"... read all the top messages and you'll understand

Synnen · Feb 23, 2010, 06:32 AM

Bubbles--first, why are you married to a man you're not comfortable talking to? That seems silly to me.

Second--NO MAN can GIVE you an orgasm. Never going to happen. A man, with open communication, may be able to help you REACH an orgasm--but an orgasm is something that YOU participate in. No one can just "give" you one.

And if you can't tell him how to touch you and what feels good, then you'll NEVER have an orgasm with your husband.

BUBBLES1 · Feb 23, 2010, 12:16 PM

I know it sounds stupid to have married someone that I'm not completely comfortable with but you'll only understand if you know my whole story... It's a long one.

Just after finishing high school, I met someone at work... actually over the telephone as I was a telemarketer. He was a wonderful person and I began to like him quite a bit but without seeing him at all. After communicating telephonically for 6 months, we decided to meet. Now, I'm an indian and I come from a very controlling, orthodox family. Anyway, we met 2 or 3 times and I told my mom about him and she wanted to meet him too. So he visited at home once and she totally disliked him. She told my older brother who at the time felt I was way too young to be having a boyfriend (I was 19). He destroyed my sim card and took away my cell phone and forbid me from ever speaking to him again.
I was naïve and I honestly believed that I was in love with him at the time... It probably would'nt have worked out anyway with him, but it was supposed to be my decision to make. I was so miserable that I just wanted out of my parents home. Again, with the family I come from, it would've been impossible to move out without either being married or in a casket. So guess who happened to come along at the time looking for a wife. My parents loved him because he wanted marriage immediately. I feel so guilty that I agreed to get married while on the rebound... I just thought that I could grow to love him over time. I do love him, but he just feels more like a brother than a lover. He's a good person though, just narrow minded when it comes to sex.

See, I told you my life is screwed up