[Devorameira]

You are going to have to deal with your insecurity or break it off completely.

She made a mistake, but at least she didn't sleep with him and she fessed up to you on what happened almost immediately.

Date around and make sure that you really want to get married, but if you do decide to marry her, don't bring up the kissing/cuddling again or your marriage will be doomed.

-------------------------------------


One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life. - E. M. Forster

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. - Frank Crane

[talaniman]

I also think dating, around is a lousy idea, for exactly the same reasons Lovebird has said. That's no way to build trust, or resolve your insecurity issues. I think it makes it worse, nor better.

Not only is trust a thing to be worked on over time, so are your own personal issues.

Further I don't think because she broke that trust, you get a free pass to question, or act impulsively whenever you feel like it, because she was straight up honest, and apologized, and you keeping this as a wedge between you, will only push her away.

I can see you now wondering what she is doing, and with whom, and being miserable. That will take even longer to get over.

Either work together, or stay apart, and stay out of each others business. I go for the work together to get beyond this, as there is never any guarantees in life, and love. You take the same risks as the rest of us, so make your decision, and live with it.

[Wolfrey]

You are right about the dating around thingie. I am perfectly willing to take her back and forgive/forget everything that happened because she was honest with me and she did stop him after she realized what a huge mistake she was making. I know that she would tell me if something happened again, but I don't think I could ever forgive her for this again. Plus, 3 years is a lot of loyalty, and I truly do believe this could be a 1 time thing.

[Wolfrey]

Threads merged and edited

At first I broke it off and I never wanted to see her again, but eventually I chose to forgive her. She has always been very honest and I find it to be one of her best qualities. My problem is I don't trust her. I know I should, but I just don't. I have no idea why. I know if she ever did anything she would tell me straight off and I really shouldn't worry, But I do every day, whenever she even talks to a guy on Facebook or in e-mail I have to know everything, what they are talking about, etc. It has been this way even before she cheated. I know it is a problem with me and I know I need to work on it, but I was just hoping to find someone with a similar experience who overcame it with any advice as to how. I have tried just keeping my mind off it, but my curiosity always gets the best of me. Any help/advice would be appreciated.

[amicon]

On a practical note-if you know you have issues you need to work on,how are you going to go about that?

Its one thing knowing you have these issues-time to do something about them now.

Maybe you could consider therapy?

[talaniman]

Its more than just curiosity that drives you to question her actions. Its fear that is making you insecure, and you have not coped with her past actions very well.

Its one thing to have the thoughts, but quite another to act on them. Its important to not let those feelings come out as impulsive actions by learning to think before you speak, and act.

It seems you have taken this girl back, so changing your behavior is a must since, you have chosen to forgive her for her past action.