[talaniman]

When you sobered up a bit you realizes that it was you who put her on this pedestal in the first place, and drunk or not at some point reality was going to smack you with truth.

Shake your head, and keep it moving, as you were blind before, and now you can see what you avoided. Your feeling got stirred up, but just like a hangover, you deal with it till its gone, and this is only a big crisis, if you make it one.

You will get drunk again, and maybe hear, or see more of what she is doing now, so what, its her problem not yours, and doesn't affect you unless you let it.

That's your answer to news about her, so what!!

[RobinBoston]

Hey guy, so I am sober again and it's a new day. I am still upset about what I heard, but I guess I am back to my original mindset. It was only a matter of time until I found out the truth (her and the older guy). Just shows that you guys should usually go with your gut instinct. I just can't believe you are best friends, lovers, everything with a person who you think you know with all your heart for over 2 years, and in an instant you find out they are someone different. Guess it's my first major life lesson in love. It's the betrayal that hurts.

WELL, I have made up my mind that I will not sit and dwell on this, though easier said than done. I realize that no matter what she does now, I am not involved and probably not even thought about. So I will try to pretend she does not exist again, and I will continue as I was doing before I heard this news.

The amount it hurt made me also realize I am FAR from over her, though it has only been about 5 weeks. I have been "sweeping my thoughts under the rug". I know this will take time and I was hoping it would be over quick I guess. Clearly I will need plenty of more time.

Well here's to continuing healing and not paying attention to her. Thanks for the support guys.

AND - It is by reading through many of your past stories of those who were hurt even worse than me, and have gone through this pain and healed and then ended up sooo happy in the end with a new mate, that keeps me moving on with strength and excitement. :)

[kctiger]

October 2008: KC was doing awful. A truly low point in my life for a long time.

February of 2010: KC is living it up and having the time of my life.

I know your pain and all I can say is that it will get better. Good luck!

Also, just to inform you, it has been a LONG time since my breakup, but even now some information I hear about my ex can have an effect on me. That is natural, so no worries.

[vanheart]

Robin,
Everything you say is true. So glad you realize this BS.

Even though it hurts. Its not worth worrying about those rejects. They don't give a rats a$$ about anyone but themselves. Users. And she's young. Lots of growing up to do. But also doesn't have values or respect. Just what floats her boat.

Sorry you had that altercation. That's the closure. On both ends.

Never ever waste your time on someone like that. Be aware of people & signs.

The reward in all of this is that you became a better person. She didn't.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks Van - your post definitely helps keep things in perspective. I know the truth but hearing others write the truth also helps me allow it to sink in and continue to heal.

WELL - today is kind of rough as it is my ex's birthday. It feels very weird to ignore her, but I have done so to this point and will not message her at all. So, instead I will wish a happy day to all of you guys. You all have been so supportive and genuine and all have great hearts. You deserve my well wishes. She doesn't deserve anything else from me and will not get it.

Here's to a great rest of the day and to me getting past today and continuing on the healing process.

[vanheart]

You're doing all the right things.

Her BD or any other day no longer involves you. You no longer need to offer your heart, only for her to decide. Screw that.

She's her new BF's problem now. Hehehe.

Thanks for your sentiments & know that this is a godsend. Congratulations.

You rock, buddy.

[vanheart]

One thing to realize is that 2.5 years is a bit.

It takes time. Be patient, strong & good to yourself.

Its been 9 or so months for me after a 5 year one with a selfish narcissist.

A mind screw, I wish I could take that time back in a way, but Im also grateful for what Ive learned about that & myself. I worked my butt off to do so & I still am.

Been battling insomnia lately & woke up after a crappy & vivid dream about my ex. Haven't had one of those in a while. And honestly, it shook me. Even after a good day before.

I guess what Im saying is this is a process. Be cool & proactive.

Its different for everyone. At 24, or any age, the world is your oyster.

[hoosiergirl65]

NC is SOOOO hard! I know how you feel...

[RobinBoston]

Hey guys - just got back from a night away with a few of my guy friends. They knew it was my ex's birthday so that took me out of town for a night to go out, party and stay over at a hotel. Overall it was fun, though a little sad at times because we were at a lot of places I used to go with my ex. I guess that is going to happen after being together for so long, we went everywhere.

But despite being sad and it being her birthday I successfully did NOT contact her at all and managed to have fun.

SOOO the UPDATE is - her birthday was Friday, and tonight (Sunday) I get a text from my ex. First contact from her in almost 3 weeks. It simply said "Are you telling me you did not wish me a happy birthday".

This MADE ME LAUGH and then ANGRY. Like are you kidding me lol. I ignored it. Some nerve. She's deserves sh#* from me! O well I wanted to vent and tell you guys so I don't answer her haha.

Have a good night all, I made it past the birthday!

[vanheart]

Fantastic, buddy!! Congrats.

Feels good to be in control, huh?

She's a user & abuser, just like my ex.

What a laugh.

[vanheart]

Robin,

I can relate so much to your story.

The thing to keep in mind is that not everyone is wired the same way.

We both got with selfish snakes.

Can you possibly fathom dumping someone while obviously deceiving way before, then wondering why no birthday love?

Just imagine her lying in bed w/her new boyfriend texting that one.

As if.

Some people are sick & twisted. Get with the good ones.

Read up on narcissism. Or better yet run.

[amicon]

Well done you!

She sounds more and more like a textbook narcissist,so good riddance to bad rubbish.

Have a good week and be good to yourself.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks Van & Amicon. I have read some past posts relating to narcissim, but have not really learned about it. Maybe I'll check it out when I get some free time.

Anyway, I feel good that I made it past her birthday, her text, and now almost 3 full weeks of NC. Van, a funny thing is that you asked me if it felt good that she texted me about ignoring her birthday. The truth is that it DID feel good to get a text from her showing that it affected her, but the weird thing is that I felt kind of bad. This is because I am a very nice guy and it is abnormal for me to be mean to a person who I cared sooo much about.

BUT I know it was the right thing to do. And now I realize that all she did at the end was TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. Everything was about what I did. I didn't appreciate her, didn't tell her she was the best, didn't do this, didn't do that.

But you know what I didn't do, I didn't shatter her heart in a million pieces and talk to other guys and lie to her for the past month before dumping her - SHE DID ALL THAT

It scares me to see you are 9 months in and still not 100% healed. I am about 5-6 weeks in (3 NC) - and I can't take it anymore haha. I still think about her much too often, even though I am trying not to and to move on. I am hoping time will heal. We all know she isn't thinking about me, I shouldn't be thinking about her. Wish it was that easy.

Oh well, here's to a new day, and a new week of NC. Let's hope time continues to heal, hopefully quicker!!

[amicon]

You have reached some valuable insights in quite a short time,and NC is working wonders for you.

We all heal at a different pace-if it helps I can tell you that it took me about 2 months to get over my ex.

[RobinBoston]

Just got another text from my ex. I didn't respond to the first message commenting that I ignored her birthday. This time she just writes "are you ignoring my message".

UMM YES - haha. I am ignoring you from my whole life, I disappeared and you have "passed away" in my book. It is actually funny. She is like annoyed that I actually did not address her birthday. It truly confirms what you guys have been saying.

She doesn't want me anymore, but can't stand the fact that I am not sitting around and still there for her to do things such as wish her happy birthday. It's pretty sick.

Oh well, back to the grind. Thought it was humorous/confusing and wanted to vent/post

[vanheart]

Nice.
Keep up the good work.

[amicon]

Pat yourself on the back.
Let her sit there and be sick.
You're lucky to be rid of her!

[RobinBoston]

Well the ignoring of her birthday and her texts afterward must have "woke up the beast" haha.

Just saw my ex was trying to CALL me this time. First attempted phone call in quite some time. I guess she is getting desperate for some contact, or curious or whatever. I am smarter now though than I was a month ago and I canceled her call and ignored it immediately. I will not respond.

Very, very weird. Was this brought on because by ignoring her birthday she doesn't feel in control of me anymore?

Whatever it is I will continue the NC - had to vent!

[vanheart]

Now delete & block her number & email address.

Yup, she thought she had you pegged & you would come running. Then give you false hope, relieve some guilt, get her jollies, then skate away.

Haha.

You're the one in control now & she doesn't like that one bit.

Oh, well...

[talaniman]

You blew her theory of being a friend who would chase her for more, and be her emotional tampon, clear out of the water. Keep NC, as next she will be really PO'd that you're unavailable for any further misery from her.