[Confused-dude]

Engaged 1 year. I am 26 she is 21.
3 weeks ago we had a huge fight. Her friends neglected her. WHen she finally got a chance to go out, I said I don't like the idea because all the dudes at that club knows her, and wants her. Always all over her and she loves the attention.

I still wanted her to go, thought we should be able to share our feelings no matter what. Big mistake. Fight broke out. She hit me with her fists in the face and ribs a few times and left.

A Few days later we talked it out. But still she is down. Depressed. Avoids giving affection. We have not had sex in 1 month now. She criticized everything I do and say. My hair, beard... etc.

I think she has a fling on the side. 3rd time this week she works late. WHen she comes home she is very distant. Constantly asking me why am I so weird then gets upset at me for no reason. Saying I do not care for her anymore.

I have tried months to get communication up, but she would rather watch TV or sleep than to talk. All she ever says is she is sorry, but never why or she never elaborates.

Other girls I have talked to actually do want to have sex with me. Needed to make sure, as I am getting a very low self esteem from the constant criticism and lack of sex.

I am now refusing to be naked in front of my girlfriend. She makes me feel worthless about myself always pointing little things out that bugs her. Can I save this relationship at all? I have tried I promise. I have given it my all but I am feeling I am drifting away from her.

Perhaps I am starting to care less. What else can I do?

[talaniman]

I don't think it can be saved. If you can't communicate or you have trust issues, then the relationship is dead unless you can get those things back, and she wants to work with you.

Doesn't sound like it, so leave.

[Cat1864]

(The edit button feature becomes available after a certain number of posts and time.)

I am confused. Did your relationship problems occur before or after the fight about the club? Did you support her going out with friends to the club and just voiced your concerns or were you not wanting her to go the club?

It sounds like there is a major breakdown in communications at the very least. Have you attempted to sit down and have a discussion (not an argument) about the relationship and how each of you feels about it and your concerns?

My first instinct would be to tell you to move out and see if giving each other some space might help reduce tensions and give you a better starting point for figuring out just what is going on.

More than anything, I think you need to decide if you really want to continue in what you describe as an abusive relationship. Going strictly by what you have written, I would think that you both need to find other people who suit you better.

[amicon]

No communication and physical abuse?
I'd say leave,it seems this relationship has nothing going for it.

[dynocompe]

Yes did anyone forget she physically hit him? I don't care if she is a girl. Physical abuse is physical abuse! Get out now, she isn't worth it, and seems like a very selfish women.
I would be on NC, and anyway its not like she is showing she is sorry or wants to work things out.
Definitely move on

[I wish]

Doesn't seem like she's putting much effort into repairing the relationship anymore.

No communication, no effort, no respect, no trust = No relationship

With that kind of an equation, this relationship will end one way or another. I would say, make it a clean break instead of dragging it out.

[friend4u178]

My question would be "Why would you want to save it" ?

She's physically abusive
She won't be intimate with you
She lowers yourself esteem
You don't trust her
She criticizes everything you say or do
She won't communicate etc etc

Sorry buddy but that's a lot of Red Flags.

[LJDK]

I was just raising my concerns but still supported her and wanted her to go out with her friends. But she has a tendency to over react before I can say anything else.

I somehow managed to have an actual conversation with her last night. We talked about 4 hours which is a 1st in our relationship.

I will give it some time, she looked like she is actually trying to work this out now. I explained to her the root problem is the fact that she never talks about small issues, thus building up this huge resentment towards me. It has come to a point where no matter what I do it will never be good enough because she is too concerned and obsessed with what I have done wrong in the past and cannot let it go.

She pulled her usual stunt where I say something and she completely takes offense, but instead of telling me this, she gets up and go watches TV. So I switched the power off, and told her either we talk and work out this crap... or I want my ring back. There is no difference in ending it now, or waiting another few years with huge resentment and then breaking up in any case.

Seems I did get through to her, but I explained that this is the last time I am going to be the glue in this relationship. If I see no change, that is constant then I will tell her to go. I cannot be the one to keep this thing going on my own constantly.

I know what caused all this. Resentment caused by failure to share feelings and dealing with emotions.

We ended up making love last night, and she cried and told me how she forgot that she actually do love me. She seemed for real. Now I just hope and pray we can keep up the communication once and for all. Looks like she understood that yes I do make mistakes but she does not have a reason to hate me the way she does if she does not share those feelings with me.

Wish me luck, and thank you all for the advise.

[Cat1864]

I was just raising my concerns but still supported her and wanted her to go out with her friends. But she has a tendency to over react before i can say anything else.

I somehow managed to have an actual conversation with her last night. We talked about 4 hours which is a 1st in our relationship.

I will give it some time, she looked like she is actually trying to work this out now. I explained to her the root problem is the fact that she never talks about small issues, thus building up this huge resentment towards me. It has come to a point where no matter what i do it will never be good enough because she is too concerned and obsessed with what i have done wrong in the past and cannot let it go.

She pulled her usual stunt where i say something and she completely takes offense, but instead of telling me this, she gets up and go watches tv. So i switched the power off, and told her either we talk and work out this crap... or i want my ring back. There is no difference in ending it now, or waiting another few years with huge resentment and then breaking up in any case.

Seems i did get through to her, but i explained that this is the last time i am going to be the glue in this relationship. If i see no change, that is constant then i will tell her to go. I cannot be the one to keep this thing going on my own constantly.

I know what caused all this. Resentment caused by failure to share feelings and dealing with emotions.

We ended up making love last night, and she cried and told me how she forgot that she actually do love me. She seemed for real. Now i just hope and pray we can keep up the communication once and for all. Looks like she understood that yes i do make mistakes but she does not have a reason to hate me the way she does if she does not share those feelings with me.

Wish me luck, and thank you all for the advise.

Um, Good luck?

[racquel58]

Why is she angry about the past? What happened in the past that she is so resentful and angry at you?