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LadyBeckstah4 · Feb 16, 2010, 03:22 PM

I'm 20 this year and my boyfriend is 23 this year. We got together when I was 16 and he was 20 and had a roller coaster of a relationship, we were in love, but immature and we had a dramatic horrible breakup that involved him cheating on me with his ex girlfriend and going back to her.

This was over a year and a half a go and since then we've had ups and downs, fallen out, made friends and back again and I was still madly in love with him throughout all this.
About four months ago, I finally was back to myself and got over him, accepting that though I'd endlessly tried to win him back he'd just never want me again.

Since then our relationship approved and I stopped scaring him off by acting like a love sick puppy. We started seeing each other and got on better than we ever did as we've both grown up and decided to give it another shot.

My worry is that once upon a time I would have been absolutely unbelievably ecstatic to be back with him and I'm not now. I still have feelings for him, I get on with him better than any other man, whenever anything happens I go to tell him first, I smile when I think of him, I miss him when he's not here, I always hope he's going to text me but deep down... the drive is gone, I feel a kind of numbness. It's not mistrust because I completely forgive him. I'm not sure whether it's because I moved on and have completely stopped loving him or whether it's because it's new to me being with him... I've been single for a long time and it will take effort on both parts.

I guess what I'm asking is...

Is it possible for me to fall back in love with him?

I really hope a lot of you will shed some light on this situation, I'd appreciate a wide range of opinions.

jaime90 · Feb 16, 2010, 04:01 PM

I suggest steering away from another relationship with this guy. It seems like you've been hurt multiple times by him. I think that the pain has numbed you. If you want to strive to be in love with him, give it a shot. But remember that love is commitment, respect, willingness to die for someone- it's not just romantic feelings. Love is a choice.
If you feel like it's time to move on, my advice is to move on. He's hurt you multiple times before, and I wouldn't take the chance.

talaniman · Feb 16, 2010, 09:05 PM

You may have been young, and crushing on each other at one time, but now you realize the thrill is long gone, and its time to leave, and move on. Do so. You can't force love.

amicon · Feb 17, 2010, 12:32 AM

I'd leave this in the past if I were you.
It seems you're trying to revive something you have outgrown.

LadyBeckstah4 · Feb 17, 2010, 08:00 AM

Thanks for the replies. I love him but I'm not in love any more. He hurt me so much and it took such a long time for me to move on that when I did... I guess it had such a finality to it. I'm sad because I always saw my life with him, I always wanted to be with him but I'm going to end it tonight.

Yosomoton213 · Feb 17, 2010, 08:34 AM

Congratulations for being a better person by realizing that the past should probably stay in the past, and for good reasons. Kudos also for not seeking revenge. You'll find someone else, but until then there's no rush. You're only 20.

LadyBeckstah4 · Feb 17, 2010, 04:24 PM

It was hard but I ended it and now I'm panicking and wondering if I made the right decision!!

I wish · Feb 17, 2010, 06:57 PM

Any time you break up after a long term relationship, you've grown completely dependent on another person, so you're going to feel a void inside. That's when you start to panic and second guess yourself.

Seems pretty clear that you don't love him like you use to. Feelings can change. Give yourself some time to recover from the break up. Focus on learning how to be single again. One day you might be drawn to him again, who knows. But for now, why force yourself to stay in a loveless relationship? How is that fair to you? How is that fair to him? You can't keep hanging on to him for the sake of hanging on.

Check out my signature for no contact related threads. No contact is a useful tool to help you heal from the break up.

LadyBeckstah4 · Feb 17, 2010, 07:22 PM

I'm so confused, because I do still feel a lot for him, but as you said, not how it was before. I definitely need some time to figure out what I honestly want. I don't want to hold on to someone just because I'm scared of letting go of the only man I've been in love with.