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Geoffersonairplane · Dec 9, 2006, 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Very good then Danielsan... leaves all whacking to Tal and others.... please continue: wax on... wax off! :D

I thought you were supposed to be teaching me Karate.

All you seem to be doing is getting me to clean all your cars.

LOL:D

Allheart · Dec 9, 2006, 08:14 AM

Hi again Geoff,

I am sorry that I spun about they way you referred to yourself. But we now have a deal, so there is no need to belabor the point... yes :)

Wow Val and Tal made incredible points. Thank goodness for calmer heads. I agree with so much with what both of you have said. But now I have a question of my own, but it relates to Geoff's situation. What if... what if she is hurting and missing him just has much... and on the other end... Geoff is hurting and missing her so much... what do you do then? How will either of them every know? What if both have applied the NC idea and will stick to it no matter what? How will they ever know, what the other truly means to each other? I honestly don't know the answer to that question that is why I am asking. I definitely understand how healthy NC is, and for each of them to heal and grow individually, but when does it get to the point, if it ever does, that each have grown, have learned and have healed, and both have realized, that yes, they want to be back together. If both are sticking to the NC, then how does it all come together?

And just one more point Geoff, you had said that your head wants to believe she is who you remember her to be, I would think it is more so, mostly your heart and yes, perhaps your head that she is how you remember her to be.

SouthernBelle06 · Dec 9, 2006, 08:23 AM

Great point Allheart. How will one know if a reunion is desired by one of the exes if no one breaks the no contact ever? I have often wondered that myself.

This is why I would read my exes emails when he would break no contact... I was hoping there would be something there indicating that he wanted to get back together. Unfortunately this never seemed to be the case with him and I wound up getting hurt all over again. But that is beside the point.

You do raise an interesting and valid concern for many though. I always believed that the one who initiated the breakup should ask for the reconciliation though. I also think if someone wants to reconcile badly enough, they will move mountains to do so, no contact or not. I also think that sometimes either can make one last contact for closure simply so they can move on and find out for sure that there is no chance of a reunion if that is to be the case. It may be the jolt one needs to move on. Holding out unfounded hope can be a dangerous thing.

valinors_sorrow · Dec 9, 2006, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

I thought you were supposed to be teaching me Karate.

All you seem to be doing is getting me to clean all your cars.

LOL:D

Dear Danielsan,
I am teaching you Emotional Intelligence... karate lessons come later, when you are ready. I like clean cars though... don't you? When you are finished with mine, you can do all the others too. :rolleyes:
Love,
Mrs Miagi

talaniman · Dec 9, 2006, 08:26 AM

:rolleyes:

Whack me around the head, I will get there! LOL

Careful what you ask for, you may get it.:D

Allheart · Dec 9, 2006, 08:27 AM

Very good point Southern, actually excellent. It did shed a lot of light. The person who initiated the break-up should be the one to pick up the phone, very true. So in this case, yes, it would be Geoff's ex, that would need to make the first contact. Thanks bundles, I am back on track. :)

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 9, 2006, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by Allheart

What if...what if she is hurting and missing him just has much...and on the other end...Geoff is hurting and missing her so much....what do you do then? How will either of them every know? What if both have applied the NC idea and will stick to it no matter what?

Well, she (my Ex) is a very stubborn character (and I mean stubborn)..

I just can't believe that this is the case though Allheart (that she feels this way) since it said in her myspace account that quote:- I am looking for a man, who can have a laugh and be mad like me and then snuggle up on a Sunday with me.

Then again, this goes against what Val says (lessons she may learn in life)

And what Tal says, about me filling in the gaps with my own insecurities, fears/hopes e.t.c.

I've taken a wrong turn somewhere today, and I thought the yellowbrick road was just one way.
Has anyone got a map? :o

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 9, 2006, 08:45 AM

O.K.

I have decided I am never going to do that again, look at her myspace. It's not far off actual contact by doing that, I guess the only difference is, she does not know it!

Big mistake though, because I would just read into every comment that was said between her and other men and it would just be pointless and rather worrying too.

That's not the norm for me.. Usually quite level headed but I suppose everyone stumbles from time to time.

Allheart/Southern, I like your point.

I will never be contacting her at all. No way on this earth, I've come too far to break it now. I see your point about closure Southern but I KNEW (not know-thanks Val ;) ) my ex and if I wanted confirmation that it is truly over and no chance of getting it back, she would be quite nasty about it.

There are things I have not said here about how she dealt with me after week 1 of the break-up. She would be quite disturbed if I called her now asking for confirmation that it is really over after 3 months..

I would be quite disturbed too...

Not me.. No, I'm riding this train alone!

valinors_sorrow · Dec 9, 2006, 09:00 AM

I think you've learned a really valuable lesson here Geoff, that you cannot make a good intention out of a wrong action. No one can. And you will take as many lessons about over is over until it is truly over for you. Which is perfectly okay! We all take as many lessons on (fill in the blank) as is necessary. That you are learning them as they come is what's so impressive and important to me. I really do enjoy working with you on yours (thank you) and God knows, I may need your help tomorrow with mine, truly. We may be on separate trains, all of us, but we can certainly reach out in the darkness to each other and exchange gifts.

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 9, 2006, 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I think you've learned a really valuable lesson here Geoff, that you cannot make a good intention out of a wrong action. No one can. And you will take as many lessons about over is over until it is truly over for you.

I completely agree. A big lesson learned today. Shucks..

Hey.. I would always be there to help anyone who helps me! And those that don't but need it.

I never turn my back on good people..

Allheart · Dec 9, 2006, 09:33 AM

Geoff,

The cost of a ticket to UK... $900.00... The cost of shaking Geoff until he looses certain words from his vocabulary... Priceless :):):)

And you don't worry about a map for that yellow brick road, it has many twist and turns, but there are always friends there for you along the way to help, just like you have done so many, many, many times here.

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 9, 2006, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by Allheart

Geoff,

The cost of a ticket to UK......$900.00......The cost of shaking Geoff until he looses certain words from his vocabulary......Priceless :):):)

And you don't worry about a map for that yellow brick road, it has many twist and turns, but there are always friends there for you along the way to help, just like you have done so many, many, many times here.

Thank Allheart,

Those are comforting words..

While navigating these twists and turns, can I be the tin man who is trying to find a heart?

LOL.:)

Allheart · Dec 9, 2006, 11:00 AM

Request Denied for being Tin Man. Too late for that my friend, as you already have a heart.. a very very big one :)

Now don't even ask to be the cowardly lion... nope... doesn't fit you nor the scarecrow, as you already have a brain and a very good one... Dorothy? Um no... maybe Toto.. but I will have to think about it.

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 9, 2006, 11:04 AM

LOL,

You are brightening my day ALLHEART..

I don't think you could be the tin either because as your username suggests, you are

ALL-HEART.. :)

JoeCanada76 · Dec 9, 2006, 02:13 PM

Going to hit you over the head. ********* Are you seeing stars yet? **********

I do not remember nor did I read back to your original post. All I have to say is it is better that your not with her and that she obvously enjoys the different men. You were curious and now you know what is happening.

Now it is time to enjoy yourself and get out yourself. (;

Joe

wap · Dec 9, 2006, 02:49 PM

Geoff, try not to dwell on it too much. I checked to see if my ex had one as well, but he doesn't and he isn't the sort to have one. It was just curiosity, you didn't contact her though, it would have been tempting to post a nasty comment arghh. You are a very good person.

I felt like I had let everyone down when I emailed my ex on Thursday, why do we do this to ourselves? It is because we are hurting so bad, and curiosity sets in. These things are sent to try us, they will only make us stronger.

My mum and dad have just asked me what I want for Christmas, I said a punch bag and gloves ( I am serious),and some dumbells. Maybe you should get something like this, or a dart board like you suggested to me, I can supply you with some pictures of candidates for practise!

I hope you are not too down Geoff, I always try to rate your answers but I am never allowed to!

Take a deep breath, put on some music, run yourself a bath, watch a film, something like that. Clear your mind, and just think you will be a better person at the end of this. You are an incredible person anyway. Would you ever date a girl 2 years older? Lol

Seriously, try to clear your mind, what is done, is done Geoff. None of this is your fault.

rol · Dec 11, 2006, 02:20 AM

<< I am looking for a man, who can have a laugh and be mad like me and then snuggle up on a Sunday with me.
>>

Hey Geoff,
Just saw your thread...
Well lets hope she meets jerk after jerk on that site!
As I told you before in the early 20s girls are so attracted to getting a crazy , funny guy...
(I know from experience)... so I guess this is the phase she is at.

Anyhow take care Geoff and we are all here if you need to talk.

kay13 · Dec 11, 2006, 02:46 AM

Hi Geoff, just caught up on your thread. I know exactly where you're coming from, it's natural to want to know what's happening with her, but as the saying goes 'ignorance is bliss'. I used to dig for information from any source all the time, then I realised it was self-torture and it sure wasn't helping me move forward.

You got your icing on the cake, it's all finished now.
You have such a good heart and give wonderful advice, any girl would be lucky to have you so don't be wasting your time on this one. X

wap · Dec 11, 2006, 02:54 AM

Take some of your own great advice Geoff : )

JDOP · Dec 11, 2006, 06:04 AM

A time will come my friend that you are going to think of this as merely a stupid incident in your life. At that time, she will smack herself in the head for treating you the way she did. That is a fact. Keep your dignity and let her do whatever it is she thinks she must do. Be icecold, eventually you will become stronger and she will become weaker. In the end, you will be the winner in this "battle".