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ggg23 · Feb 16, 2010, 05:58 AM

OK so I just joined this site, because everythings so messed up and I really need some advice from someone that's impartial if you know what I mean.
Im a 15 year old girl and I'm bi. I came out to some close friends about 6 months ago and they were all really cool and accepting. But I can't come out to any of my family apart from my step sister because my mum is really homophobic and its killing me having to keep such a big part of my life secret from her.
So my parents were away for a couple of days, so you know I had a couple of friends around last night (about 10). A girl from school came over, she's bi and we both like each other but she's in a relationship with this guy who treats her so bad. Well last night she basically asked me to make a move on her and I didn't because I don't want to be the other girl, but also because if she finishes with her boyfriend I can't offer her any kind of relationship, it would just be too difficult keeping it secret from my parents and I wouldn't want to lead her on - she deserves better than that.
So she left not long after that and I was pretty annoyed at myself and got kind of drunk. This guy was there that I really like, I have for a while but I never did anything because I always thought he liked my best friend, even though she told me she didn't like him and that I should go for it. So I started talking to him, told him I liked him and he said he felt the same. Well we ended up making out and I was really happy but then I find out my friends crying because she's suddenly decided she really likes him!! If she had tolsdme this I never would have done anything with him, but I honestly thought she didn't like him, she was making out with this other guy and everything. But she's my best friend and I love her to bits but I also know what she's like and I know she doesn't actually like him. I still feel so bad though because I hurt her, but Im hurt as well especially as after the guy said maybe 3 words to me for the restof the night :/ And this is all going to get back to the girl I like and I feel bad about that even though I don't really think I did anything wrong towards her.
I know you might think this is just stupid high school stuff, but I have no one to talk to or get advice from and it all feels just so messed up. I used to self-harm and I can feel myself wanting to do it again so, so, bad and please I just need someone to talk to and/or get advice from.
Thanks to anyone that takes the time to read this, it means a lot.

Romefalls19 · Feb 16, 2010, 06:17 AM

Well the only thing you can do now is accept what happens. Explain to your friend you had no idea that she liked him and that out of respect for your friendship that you will back off for her. As for the girl you like, you are going to have to come clean and accept what happens. If you like someone, it's always been strange to me how people can go hook up with someone else. Be honest and forthcoming about the situation and take it as it comes

dynocompe · Feb 16, 2010, 07:44 AM

I think your best friend just liked the fact that the guy you made out was crushing on her. After you made out with him, I think she got more jealous over the fact that this guy may no longer be crushing on her, but on you instead! Some girls just love the attention and love when the guys want them. She told you that she didn't like him, so you have nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong. I would tell her exactly what you told us, that she told you that she didn't like him, and you have been crushing on him for awhile, so you didn't think she would care. But I wouldn't be saying sorry.

AS far as you wanting to hurt yourself, why? Its your life , you only live once, so live it the way you want to! Not that way people want you to. If you want to tell your parents, I would definitely make sure you sit them down and have a real mature conversation about it. If you tell them while your mad and in a fight and do it just to retaliate back, you will probably see a lot more fighting!
As far as being bi, I can't blame you, girls are so much more beautiful than men, plus a lot more tender and caring. If I was a women, I would definitely be a proud lesbian

ggg23 · Feb 16, 2010, 09:26 AM

Thanks for the advice guys (especially dnocompe) having someone that's not part of the situation viewpoint kind of helps clear things up a bit. I still don't think I can tell my parents though, I don't think I ever will be. But yeah thanks guys x

talaniman · Feb 16, 2010, 11:58 AM

You have a few issues going here, and the drinking sure ain't helping, as your all very young and don't really know how each other really feels and heck, you barely know what to do with your own feelings. So relax as you can't read minds or know someone else's heart, or how they will react at a party or anywhere else.

Talk with your friend so she knows it was just a party, and you were just having fun. You can't control what others say, or do, but you can control yourself, so ease up on the drinking, it affects our thoughts and actions, and find other, better ways of dealing with stress, besides harming yourself.

Things will work out, with time, you just have to relax and let them. That includes coming out to your parents. When your ready, you will. Don't stress it.