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hopeflies · Feb 14, 2010, 07:29 PM

Thanks for the support - I really appreciate it.

I almost emailed him today because a girl at work has extra room available for this concert that my ex and I really wanted to go to. And so I was going to write him to see if he still wanted to go – because I could get tickets and we'd have a place to crash.

I obviously didn't – but its so hard to not factor them into all your plans. I miss him so much some days but I can see how it gets easier. My only fear is that it is getting easier for him as well as time goes on.

Last week was probably the hardest week of my life – I thought that my life was spinning out of control at times and I couldn't get off this nightmare of a ride.

vanheart · Feb 14, 2010, 07:38 PM

Yup, that's how it goes.

Wondering if they are better off.

But the reality is YOU are better off.

The less you worry about him, the better your life will be.
Its all about how you manage your thoughts.

That's the truth.

amicon · Feb 14, 2010, 11:15 PM

Hope,good on you for not sending that email.
You're on the right path and it will get easier day by day.

Wishing you a good week.

vanheart · Feb 15, 2010, 01:06 AM

Hope,

Just let this be. Ok. Its over.

Now this the time for you. Focus your love inwards.

Recognize your feelings & why. That will shed some light on this & who you are. If you choose to. Embrace those feelings & understand why they pop into your mind. Do some soul searching. You will understand why this wasn't right.

Im not saying its easy, but if you do some serious work on yourself, you will get to the end of the tunnel, and this will just be another catalyst to your future happiness.

Right now you love this guy so much, why?

We can't continue to love someone that doesn't.

Unproductive.

This guy wasn't right. That's OK.

I still have moments of pain, but know that.

Once someone does this, there's no reason to have have love for them.

hopeflies · Feb 15, 2010, 05:26 PM

I keep trying not to love him - but I can't. I just keep hoping that when he comes home in 2 weeks that he will actually reconsider and not move out.

I just can't understand how my best friend of 16 years can just shut me out. I just went on Facebook to get a message - and he was on chat - but never messaged - nothing.

It is killing me that he is OK with this - while my whole world is spinning out of control.

I try to focus on myself - I really do.
I try to admit that it is over and to move on - but I can't!

I am stuck! :(

Seeing his name pop up - made my heart completely jump. This just sucks.

vanheart · Feb 15, 2010, 06:03 PM

You can't hope for that & put your life on hold.

And you may never truly understand what goes on inside someone else's head.

All of these things are emotionally unproductive now.

Sounds like realization hasn't set in yet. That's truly your beginning to healing from this pain.

Going NC means not fishing around for him on Facebook or anything else. That will only cause more hurt.

I know how you feel & how hard it is, but you have to be strong & do everything in your power to not let this run your day.

It takes time & effort, hope. You are doing fine. You will get through this.

vanheart · Feb 15, 2010, 08:36 PM

Hope,

Your ex has made his decision.

No more begging & pleading. You did that already a couple times at least.

Let him go. That's all you can do. You had history, yes. We all have history.
But its history. Get it. Not now or in the future.

Start living your life without him.

After a while you will look back & say "why was I continuing this B.S." Don't pine over him. Bad move.

Force yourself. Hang out. Do stuff. Whatever. Get with the peeps that are showing love.

This is what happens when we put all of our eggs in one place.

hopeflies · Feb 15, 2010, 09:06 PM

I know this sounds sad - but I am just going to wait for 2 weeks and not contact him and keep trying to exercise and be active and once he moves out - then maybe I can get it through my thick skull that he is really once and for all done with us.

He has threatened to move out so many times and has said “I am done” more times than I can count on both hands (and both feet!)

He is like the boy who cried wolf - so that is why it is hard every time he says this to know when it is actually the last and final time – but I think this time the wolf got him (cheesy analogy I know).

I think once he is back and I know it is over it will be easier to move on. It is hard to move on until all of this is finalised and he is completely out of our house and I then maybe I will be able to fully accept it.

vanheart · Feb 15, 2010, 09:17 PM

Hes got you under his grip. Hardcore.

Do you want a boy that cries wolf? Read that fairly tale again. Gimme a break.

If you want to wait & see that's up to you, but frankly really stupid (and you will pay dearly). What? Have another breakup, a final one. Give yourself a break. Its already done. Can't you read his actions? Hes been doing this for a while.

Do you want to be that girl? Silly & lame.

My advice is when he comes back, make sure you are absent. Let him take his sh**t & split once & for all.

He wants you to be there with his slippers when he gets back.

Screw him & this. Sorry, dear. Got to slap you here.

vanheart · Feb 15, 2010, 10:06 PM

He's no longer you're friend or lover

hopeflies · Feb 21, 2010, 09:09 PM

I just need to vent!

It was my birthday on the weekend - and I didn't receive a single text email, fb message, NOTHING!

How can my best friend of 16 years (and boyfriend of almost 2 years) not even acknowledge my birthday.

Why do they play hard ball with us - and treat us like we are the bad people and punish us. I did nothing wrong other than love him - I didn't lie, cheat, steal, hurt - nothing - and he is punishing me.

I have not spoke to him in over 2 weeks - and I am getting to the stage where I am mad at him more than anything.

Sorry - just needed to vent.

vanheart · Feb 21, 2010, 09:14 PM

Good, you should be.

One of the many stages & emotions that you will get in touch with while your healing & having NC.

Shows you who he really cares about, himself.

When someone decides its over. There's no longer any reason to continue wasting emotional time on them.

I hope you had fun on your Birthday, but know that these milestones will help you further understand that you don't need him to be happy.

hopeflies · Feb 21, 2010, 09:35 PM

I actually had the best birthday I have had in years – I planned a big night out – and surrounded myself with people who ACTUALLY care about me. I am realising through this break up that he really is one of the most selfish people I have ever met – and only ever thought about himself.

I was going to leave him a letter next week for when he comes home to pack up his stuff - saying that I agree that this break up is for the best – that I love him – etc etc. and hope we can be friends in the future.

But now – NO WAY – he doesn't deserve to hear ANYTHING from me. He can come get his stuff – I don't want to be there – I will have it packed up ready to go – I might even have the room decorated the way I want.

Is getting angry bad? I don't want to be the jilted lover!

vanheart · Feb 21, 2010, 09:42 PM

Cool, you did the right thing.

Don't leave him anything. Just his tail between his legs.

You are so right, he no longer deserves you or your time. Screw him.

Anger isn't bad just as long as you undertand it.

Hell, Im still angry when I think about how my ex screwed me over, but I only take that as an emotion I don't wish to spend time on. Usually fleeting moments, then move on to what makes me feel good. (ie: not thinking about her)

You're doing great. Just don't let the reasons cloud you or inhibit you.
They don't matter after all. That's past history. Be more concerned with the now.

vanheart · Feb 21, 2010, 11:31 PM

BTW.

You've already been jilted. No reason to worry.

What you will become is better.

amicon · Feb 21, 2010, 11:55 PM

I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday-it's times like these when you see who your true friends are.

Don't dignify the situation with a letter;write a letter to yourself,then burn it.

hopeflies · Feb 22, 2010, 02:22 PM

I thought this was going to get easier! But sadly its not. I am having a really bad day today. I can not understand why he is completely shutting me out of his life and deliberately trying to hurt me - the thought that we may never speak again and he now holds so much resentement and anger towards me is hurting so much.

I was starting to feel better until this weekend. And next week when he gets back to get his stuff is going to be the hardest thing ever.

I just don't understand how he was talking to me all the time etc. and then bang - one conversation I beg him to reconsider and he shuts me out of his life. And I told him that I wouldn't speak to him if that was what he wanted and he said that would be vindictive.

I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Can someone really stop caring about another person in an instant? I know I sure can't. I wish I could be like him and shut me out and not care anymore. But then I have a heart apparently.

I hate days like these! :(

vanheart · Feb 22, 2010, 02:30 PM

It's a rollercoaster, but read your last post.

Please don't try to figure him out anymore. You never will, it will give you a headache. And, honestly it doesn't matter.

And you're only damned if you keep going in circles. You're free now to pursue positive things.

You have a heart. He doesn't. You're different.

talaniman · Feb 22, 2010, 02:45 PM

I can't figure why good things happen to bad people. Why innocent people get caught up in bad things. Get my drift. Stuff happens and we have to cope with it whether it's a good day or a bad one.

Some days are better than others. But you have to live everyday, even on the bad ones.

aoifee88 · Feb 22, 2010, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by hopeflies

I thought this was going to get easier! But sadly its not. I am having a really bad day today. I can not understand why he is completely shutting me out of his life and deliberately trying to hurt me - the thought that we may never speak again and he now holds so much resentement and anger towards me is hurting so much.

I was starting to feel better until this weekend. And next week when he gets back to get his stuff is going to be the hardest thing ever.

I just don't understand how he was talking to me all the time etc. and then bang - one conversation I beg him to reconsider and he shuts me out of his life. And I told him that I wouldn't speak to him if that was what he wanted and he said that would be vindictive.

I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Can someone really stop caring about another person in an instant? I know I sure can't. I wish I could be like him and shut me out and not care anymore. But then I have a heart apparently.

I hate days like these! :(

I feel exactly how you do I'm still getting those days where I just wish I could close my eyes and id magically be over him! You I can't understand how we went from being more than best friends having and losing a baby together to this!I thought I meant more to him than this and now I'm hearing that he's out on the dating scene again! Hurts like hell but I gues we both know what's best for us and stick to what we know is right!