[Ithappenstoall]

It s has been a while since my last post, my apologies. I am at a point now where my relationship is good, but one thing is bothering me. This friend of hers. I was normal about everything until I saw that he would be very involved and was always truing to do something with her on the weekends. Needless to say what upset me was two things, one they went to have brunch just the two of them where he paid, at this point I told her I thought it was a little too much and that she shouldn't maybe lead him on if their was something. She responded by saying that he was just being nice, and that he knows that she is all alone since I am not here so he just wants to take care of her. Well we had this conversation because I wanted to tell her how I felt.
The other thing that happened was weirder, they went to the mall together and she was about to buy some clothese when he said let me pay , to which she ddint disagree. When she told me this on the phone I didn't react on it but just asked her why did you let him pay and she told me he just insisted a lot. I thought that was extremely weird and I am surprised she doesn't see this. Again she always tell me he is just being nice, but I feel "that nice" is trying to show maybe more interest.
Our relationship is good and we do love each and we always remind each other about out goals and all... but what should I think of this ?

[amicon]

Well,I think it's weird too.
My guy friends will sometimes treat me to a meal but I would never expect them to buy me clothes.
That's too personal a thing to be doing.

[Ithappenstoall]

I shouldn't read too much into it, and I do not want to bring back this conversation of why he is doing this and that. It was a little weird, the first time I had a talk because it botherd me she said there is nothing there and that I should never worry, so I told her OK.
The other thing that bothered me was that they have been friedns for just 3-4 months really so that one another thing...


Btw Amicon I am returning sooner than next year so that is great news :), Instead of a year and a half it is just 6 months

[talaniman]

As I follow this thread, it occurs to me that you have bigger things to worry about, than a guy hunting your lady, especially since your not there. Don't let the distance cloud your judgments, or get carried away by your feelings, and though it sounds weird, a guy buying her clothes, the main thing is to trust her. But if you cannot, then what's the point of staying with her?

Your main goal it seems is your decision to convert to her religion, to please her and get her to stay with you. That's what you should be focused on, as that's her wish.

That's a biggie guy, and until you have made that decision, any Muslim man will see her as fair game for whatever. Conversion makes things easier for her, but only you can decide what it will mean to your life. That's the issue to stay focused on, because she has made that the defining issue for your future.

I have to be honest as that for me is a deal breaker, as I could never put dogma, and tradition, over whether, me and a partner could be together.

But I do understand your dilemma as its either convert, or lose her. That's a bit one sided for me, even though Muslims, and Christians, are but branches of the same tree.

At least that's what my own research has pointed to. Do your own homework, and learn, so your decision can be an informed one, and conversations between you should be about what her religion means to her, and the expectations she has for you.

I would be a lot more concerned with the gap between the two of you, than the bond between her, and her new friend, no matter his intentions.

[Ithappenstoall]

I have not mentionned this Tal but I actually have been reading and talking to people abou that issue, and I have decided that like you said they are branches of the same tree, and this is not an issue any more. My mind is made up that I can accept her religion and that main problem is no more.
With thtat said any other advice

[talaniman]

Trust her to handle her business in a respectful way until you get home.

[Ithappenstoall]

SOo that's means not asking her what she did this and that, OK thanks a lot Tal, you have helped me a lot and I appreciate everything, I hope this will be the one :)

[talaniman]

I would never be worried about competition, or where the relationship was headed, just enjoy talking to my sweetie without drama or fanfare. Keeping up with her life, and sharing the moment.

[I wish]

If you trust her, then let her live her life and spend time with whoever she wants.

If you're feeling insecure about who she hangs out with, then you don't trust her as much as you think you do.

If the relationship is going well, then why create problems when there are none? At least she's being honest with you and letting you know what she's been up to.

[Jaytdk]

Communication is the best policy here, sms, mms, instant messaging, phoning, chatting... Thats all you can do, try to visit sometime during the year,don't go for the whole two years without at least vissiting once or twice a year.. Good luck buddy, I think you need it.

[Ithappenstoall]

Girlfriend is having her weak moment right now, she is very stresed out and she is just being unreasonable. She tells me she is getting tired and wants just to be with me. I tell her that time will pass and we have to be positive and optimistic.
What more can I do? I tell her that there is light at the end of the tunnel since I will be back there at some point

[I wish]

If you can overcome these tough times, it will make your relationship stronger.

Keep a positive attitude. Keep your head up and continue to say supportive things.

It's not only about saying new things. So no need to do any out of the box thinking. It's about reassuring her that you're still very committed to the relationship. Repetition can be just as effective.

[amicon]

Are you going home on leave this month?
We all have our weak moments.
Hopefully this will pass.

[vanheart]

LD is almost impossible, unless you have a REALLY, I mean REALLY solid foundation to begin with.

2 years is a long time.

The question here is if commitment is even an option, and if so, how?

Lots of plane tickets, sad goodbyes & missing. Believe me I know.

Not ideal. In fact, kind silly. LOTS of work, heartache & anxiety.

Maybe that's what you're into.

You got to be frank & weigh it out.

Its not a comfortable thing.

[Ithappenstoall]

Right, I have to keep showing her that it will all right. It is just really hard to be okay when she acts this way, she tells me that she keeps telling me you know that I am someone that needs attention. I always always tell her that I give you that attention and that granted I am not there but I do all that I can, send her gifts, call her, bbm, you name I do it from here.

At the end of this We have a fix date as to when this will end, and I tell her that when we do get back together in the same city, it will only lead to engagement and marriage. She gets happy and she is like yes but I want you to be here with me now, and again I tell I will be soon, just be strong and patient.

I also tell that she has to look at the end goal and not on the moment. That I will give her all that she wants and needs, but in due time.


It really makes me suffer when she doesn't realize the life she has right now compare to my current situation. And yet she is the one telling me I feel alone, tired

[Ithappenstoall]

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

Hello all,
Well I have been in a long distance relationship for 10 months now and before that I was with her living together for a year.
Well to cut to the chase last time I visited was end of November , and I am suppose to go there soon again. Yesterday I told her that I might have to postpone my trip for 2 and half weeks due to work conflict and she got mad, and was all frustrated. I tried to cheer her up by saying that hey it works out because I will be there for your birthday and all but she was really sad and frustrated. She even started complaining that she is tired of this and all...
I really got nervous because she is the love of my life and what to try and calm her down, and make her see that 2 weeks is not a big deal. Granted I know this has been a while but we know that we are not going to stay in a long distance situation for ever
What shoud I do?

[kp2171]

All you can do is talk to her about reality.

She's disappointed. Let her talk about it without it being something you need to defend.

Clearly, she is struggling with the distance... if you cannot talk about it, you cannot solve any problems tied to this. Even if you talk it out, there's no guarantee it'll get fixed.

But one thing is clear... ignoring that she is frustrated isn't going to make it go away and giving her a chance to vent and feel she can safely express her struggle is probably the only way you can know "what should i do"...

[Ithappenstoall]

I see, well I tried to tell her that hey look at the cup half full not half empty, I will be there two weeks later more or less and I will be able to stay a little more. On top of that lets keep doing what we do and communicate daily, and I kept expressing my feelings to her and all

[kp2171]

Well... it could be just a bad day or it could be more... when someone says "im tired of this"... its personally alarming.

Doesn't mean the world is falling down, but id not ignore it unless she talks like this commonly.

Flowers or a note or something to lift her spirits a little?

Talking from your side, its easier to say "hey, glass half full, right?"... from her side, she has less control and, again, seems to be feelings disappointed and maybe lonely.

How is her social network? Friends? Coworkers she gets along with? Family near?

[Ithappenstoall]

Her family is not near, but she has a nice group of friends around her, but all she says is I don't care I just want you to be here, and I keep telling her that I will be there soon, and one day after that forever.
I am guessing she acted this way yesterday because she got frustrated, because we spoke on skype and on the phone since that moment, but I do not know if I should bring it up again or what