[CrazyKatie1990]

Moved to its own thread, please don't piggyback on other threads.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years and I've confronted him about porn many many times. I've given him chance after chance to stop looking at it. He promised me he would, and I told him if he did it again, id leave him. Not because of the porn, but because that would mean he lied to me about it and broke a promise. I wouldn't trust him anymore. Call me childish if you will. Well, he had his computer automatically set to delete the history and I took it off. I had to go with my gut when it told me he was doing something wrong. I went in to the history and on our 2 year anniversary, the history is ALL PORN! So I told him I want a divorce because I can't be married to someone who lies to me about the smallest things. Am I wrong? I love him and everything, I just don't want to be lied to and traded in for porn anymore.

[Devorameira]

While many men watch porn without harming their relationship, the fact is that he does it KNOWING that it hurts you. The lying is more a sign of a problem than the porn itself.

I would suggest counseling to uncover the reason behind his addiction and the lies. I would also tell him that you don't trust him... he's lying to you and you have caught him in it. He now has to re-earn your trust or you need to move on.

[450donn]

See I see pron as being addictive. Some others will come on here and tell you I am crazy or something else. Truth is if you look at all the posts concerning porn issues it will become very apparent that porn can be very addictive. You need to confront the problem just like any other addiction. He needs to deal with it or you need to get rid of the addictive personality before he drags you down with him.

[Cat1864]

Let me preface this by saying that I do not agree with lying and hiding actions is another form of lying.

I have a question for you: Why did you confront him about porn in the first place? Had there been a previous problem with him and his viewing habits? I ask because sometimes we cause our own trust issues. Did you discuss your (both yours and his) feelings about pornography and try to compromise or did you tell him to get rid of it end of 'discussion'?

A successful marriage takes both individuals being able to work together and compromise. When one person makes a decision that affects the other person without really consulting that person, it can lead to lying and hiding things when the person would rather be open and upfront but is afraid to upset the first person. Counseling may help you both feel safe in being open and honest about your feelings.

[CrazyKatie1990]

I had confronted him with it many times within the past 12 months. Every time he promised me he would stop. He still hasn't. And we've been to counseling. We spent 8 weeks, twice a week in there. And I thought it helped... then he started deleting his computer history every time he got offline.. I tried to trust him. He's begging for another chance, I just don't know if I can give him anymore.. I'm tired of getting let down over and over again over the same thing.

[Cat1864]

See I see pron as being addictive. Some others will come on here and tell you I am crazy or something else. Truth is if you look at all the posts concerning porn issues it will become very apparent that porn can be very addictive. You need to confront the problem just like any other addiction. He needs to deal with it or you need to get rid of the addictive personality before he drags you down with him.

I respectfully have to disagree. A lot of the posts regarding porn problems that I have read have been a communication and insecurity issue. IF both partners are able to discuss their feelings and work together to compromise, most porn related problems are non-existent.

[450donn]

I am glad that you did not use the rating system incorrectly but instead posted your response. I respect your opinion. Although I have spend enough time listening to professionals on the subject of sexuality that deal with this form of addiction on a daily basis across all classes of people from the lowest ditch digger to professional business men who have totally ruined their families due to porn addiction to understand the depth of the issue. It is so pervasive it is now the number one download on the internet. You can choose to ignore it or not, I choose to attempt to educate people in an attempt to help them understand that it is an addiction. If the OP's husband was an alcoholic what would your suggests be? She has stated more than once that she has confronted him more than once and that he is now hiding it from her. Sound like a closet alcoholic? Please before you come and judge me, do your own research on this issue. Do it with an open mind and you will see the reams of information available from lots of respected people.

[CrazyKatie1990]

Thank you so much for your opinions.. but I love him and while I hate that he does this, we have both agreed to go back to counseling and try to work through it. I vowed for better or for worse and I have realized that he could have turned to another woman instead of porn. He has forgiven me for all the mistakes I have made, and the least I can do is give him one more chance to get it right. I told him that if he would just talk to me about it I wouldn't get mad, and we would work through it. I honestly don't think he's as addicted as a lot of people and its still at the point that we can work through it. I really do appreciate all the help though. Happy valentine's day

[Cat1864]

Thank yall so much for your opinions.. but i love him and while i hate that he does this, we have both agreed to go back to counseling and try to work through it. i vowed for better or for worse and i have realized that he could have turned to another woman instead of porn. he has forgiven me for all the mistakes i have made, and the least i can do is give him one more chance to get it right. i told him that if he would just talk to me about it i wouldnt get mad, and we would work through it. i honestly dont think hes as addicted as alot of people and its still at the point that we can work through it. i really do appreciate all the help tho. happy valentine's day

Katie, I am glad that you are going back to counseling. There are so many things in a marriage that taking communicating and a willingness to try to understand and work with your mate. I hope this helps and that you have many happy Valentine's Days together.

Good luck and Happy Valentine's Day. :)