[valkman98]

How many 2nd chances does she get? Do what you want keep dreaming, your life, your pain. Good luck.

[jre14]

Just one second chance. And that's what I'll give. :)
Got to follow my heart one this one... no matter what my head says.

[roxypox]

Well...

Best of luck
Roxy

[jre14]

Threads merged

Ok, so my ex-fiancee broke up with me for good a few days ago. We were on a "break" but still "committed to eachother," and were going to try to work things out. Then she says she doesn't want that commitment right now. She still says she wants it to work out in the end, but wants to date other guys and experience life first... this after she lead me on, making me think we were going to try to work things out, sooner rather than later.

Of course, she wants to be friends.

My question is, Is it really possible to become friends with an ex? Does it matter if we were the best of best friends before we got involved? (Her and I were awesome best friends for 2 years before we started our 4 year living-together-relationship). Has anyone here had a success friendship with an ex? If so, what is the criteria to make it work?

Thank you.

[amicon]

Right now concentrate on getting over the breakup.

Perhaps you can be friends some time in the future,but what would benefit your healing the most is no contact and getting on with your life,without her in it.

Once you get dumped, you get busy doing your own thing and let them do theirs.

[jaffeyjoeblaze]

Let it go... you guys must write your own path now... no need to wait for her...

It is possible to be friend but not right now...

For example I had an ex who cheated on me while her mother died from cancer... it took me like 2 yrs to get over that but now we are fine as friends and never bring up the break up...

I only have a friendly relationship and nothing more

[CanIBuyAClue]

Is it possible? Yes. Is it possible right now? HEELLLL NO! Disappear and start re-building your life as an individual.

[Kitkat22]

Having a friendly relationship will only give you false hope. There are a lot of nice women out there just looking for a nice guy. You could be the one.

[Romefalls19]

It is possible to have a friendship but only after the emotional dust settles. Right now, all a friendship would give you is confusion, false hope and headaches. You don't need that to add to your heartache. Go NC and let it settle

[dynocompe]

I have been friends with a ex, after about a year later!
Never possible to be friends right now, never, be painful and you would never lose the feelings for her. Be very depressing time.
Just tell her, you love her too much, and can't be her friend, because you will be wanting more. So maybe in the future we could be friends again

[talaniman]

Heal from the break up and anything is possible. Otherwise trying to be a friend after a break up is usually an emotional mess.

[talaniman]

You don't have to bump a thread! Just offer feedback is a better way to get a response.

[jre14]

Sorry guys

I realize that we can't be friends right now but my situation is
Especially hard. Everyone of my friends is a mutual friend with her. I was hanging out with them on the weekend and she texted one asking to hang. She knew I was with them but didn't mind, (which was weird since days earlier she said she wanted lots of time away from me) They asked me if it was all right. I immediately said no (my gut reaction and advice from this forum) but then said it would be OK. I felt I would be denying them access to her or something and that I could deal with it. (I can't: it made things worst, just like I knew it would. But I again taking a chance that maybe WE were different).

It just sucks. Now they have to choose who to hang out with. I don't think I have the right to say they can't be friends with her. I just don't know what do to. I feel so lonely. She has many other friends. I only have my handful of friends who are now in the middle of this mess. This will make nc so much harder.

It's awkward to think that they get to be with her while I do don't. That they'll meet her new boyfriend etc. It puts everyone in a weird spot... Except her I suppose. It feels like she gets to have her cake and eat it too. Also feels unfair since they are helping her get over me (as well as helping me). I don't want to be a sadist but I want her to share my pain... Cause I have enough for the both of us.

How do I broche this with them? I don't want to make them choose between us if say, we both want to hang out on the same night. Feels like a competition.

Btw I have a hard time making real friends, I'm not the most out-going guy, especially while I'm going through this painful sitution. So advice like "go out and meet new people" isn't very helpful right now.


P.S. I see the threads have been merged. Lol.

Yes you guys were right from the start. I should've listened. I was dumb, obviously. We never really did get back together or anything. But we, I, did entertain false-hope.

I've learned my lesson, I needed to learn it myself I guess. Hopefully, some people aren't as stupid as me and take the advice given on this forum. These are wise people.

[Kitkat22]

You are not stupid! Stop putting yourself down. We all have done stupid things when it comes to love. You need to have more confidence in yourself and move on. It Will Get Better! You are not stupid!

[talaniman]

So advice like "go out and meet new people" isn't very helpful right now.

Maybe that was the lesson of this whole experience. To get you out of your comfort zone and broaden your horizons.

You never know what your capable of until you try something different.

[jre14]

Well, OK, it's not that I'm totally socially awkward or anything; I'm not. I recently went back to school last sept and have met and made friends with plenty of my classmates. But they are school friends right now, you know. Like I hang out with them after school and all that but not on the weekend, which is when I have the toughest times.

Also, a lot of them are younger and party hard! Not quite what I want. I'm more of a get together with a few friends and chill out kind of guy. Plus, they mostly live across the city and I have no car :( . It just makes it really hard to find time to be with them.

[Kitkat22]

Well, ok, it's not that I'm totally socially awkward or anything; I'm not. I recently went back to school last sept and have met and made friends with plenty of my classmates. But they are school friends right now, you know. Like I hang out with them after school and all that but not on the weekend, which is when I have the toughest times.

Also, a lot of them are younger and party hard! Not quite what I want. I'm more of a get together with a few friends and chill out kinda guy. Plus, they mostly live across the city and I have no car :( . It just makes it really hard to find time to be with them.

You'll find the right friends. Good Luck

[vanheart]

You need someone that's true, not this.

Let her figure out what she wants. Don't wait around for this person.

Its obvious she wants her cake & eat it too. For whatever reasons. Let her party down.

Its not for you to save her.

[Cat1864]

You need someone thats true, not this.

Let her figure out what she wants. Dont wait around for this person.

Its obvious she wants her cake & eat it too. For whatever reasons. Let her party down.

Its not for you to save her.

Did you read the entire thread? There are merged threads. His last one is about them not being together.

jre, do you have any interests that might give you another outlet for finding friends?

As for the current ones, be honest with them. Let them know that you don't really want to put them in the middle, but you don't want to lose their friendship, either. They will have to make their own decisions. This is something that will tell you who 'your' friends are.

By the way, you aren't stupid. You were too involved to see the big picture. It happens. Good luck getting your life straightened out.

[vanheart]

Yup, I did. Its not about me.

Just commenting on the essence.

Just cutting to the chase.

Sorry, yes, you're right.
Realize who your friends are...