[unsurenow]

Which part am I over analizing, the new relationship(if any)

I guess one of the reasons I stayed as long as I did was I have never had to work so hard in a relationship and it was like I wanted to prove something to him, like I matter and am worthy of loving, he said to me he loved me but wasn't in love with me, how could he be if he was gawking at every woman that walked by, not just looking, I don't mind that, but actually staring to the point that when I was speaking he didn't even hear me, that hurts

[Kitkat22]

I am sorry about the things you're going through. It's hard letting go of someone we have loved and who has proven themselves to be the kind of person we never thought he could be... The warning signs, the drinking, the porn, the pills, they are HUGE red flags that tell you he is not the kind of person you need.

It is going to be lonely for a while , but don't let yourself think you can fix him, you can't. Please do not take this man back, he is troubled and the only thing which will fix him is him wanting help. I am very troubled for you and I hope you take the advice the experts on this site have given you. God Bless








["Let's face it, so many of our problems are caused by people who take advantage of us, misuse us, or are jut plain hard to get along with "... Rev. Billy Graham/QUOTE]

[unsurenow]

I hear a lot of people say, the love I seek does not exist thts a disappointment if it is true

[artlady]

i guess one of the reasons i stayed as long as i did was i have never had to work so hard in a relationship and it was like i wanted to ptove something to him,,like I matter and am worthy of loving,,he said to me he loved me but wansnt in love

I have loved people who I was not in love with and I have fallen out of love once with someone who I believed I truly loved so it can happen!

Many times with young people they confuse lust with love and the lust tends to run out with some people at the two year mark.
This is a time when many young men lose interest.

You ARE WORTHY of loving and you need to not just say that but believe it and know that no one verifies that for you because it is real,it just is.

Stop over thinking this and torturing yourself.It serves NO purpose.You may never know what happened.Life still goes on :)

It is time to move on ,enjoy these young years ,they are gone so fast you have to get out and have a life!

[Kitkat22]

The right guy is out there. Give yourself time to heal and when you're not even expecting it you will probably meet him.. Blessings

[unsurenow]

He is 47 now what? I noticed he posts his self on singles site as age 35 to 40, I know he is hating getting old, how long does that last.. his insecurites leaked into mine( I had a little of my own without his help) due to abuse I had endured from my first husband. Now I'm feeling even more insecure, I'm 47 and I feel like men our age want youg girls, I don't want a young guy, I have nothing in common with them even though they are young hotties, big deal

[Kitkat22]

Know what I think? I think you are wanting someone who will tell you to give him a second or third chance and I feel you won't get that advice!

There are woman in this world who like the "bad boy". Those women think'"I love him and I can fix him", WRONG. Don't you see a cycle here? First husband abusive and now a boyfriend who is just as bad. There are people on this site who are very intelligent who probably have PHDS and Masters degrees. Listen to them and listen to the ones who have been where you are.


Please listen to this. You cannot fix him. He is only going to keep on manipulating you because he sees you as just another one of his objects. His porn and his pills, and his drinking and cheating should give you a clue that he is damaged. You know what the next step will be if it hasn't happened already? Abuse pyhsical and mental, although he's already emotionally abused you. Let Go. Move ON and Thank you're lucky stars you're rid of him.

[unsurenow]

No, not loking for anyone to tell me to give him anymore chances, just venting my feelings, I know I continue the tortureby going on my Facebook, I removed him as a friend right after we broke up , and I still look, he keeps adding new women, almost like to show me he has game.I don't know he is damged and its sad because I know his damage will ruin lives, it almost ruined mine.I wish these women the best, but I'm thinking they will; recognize things quicker unless I taught him to hide things even better. The truth will come to light eventually.. I need to stop looking at his page.. it makes me sad for a minute but then I remind myself, if he had of loved me, he would not be behaving like this.He is lost.

[unsurenow]

I have college degrees as well, I never set out to find a BAD boy, who the heck sees them coming, yes we can see some flags but who knows what a person is really capable of, if you notice I did say I have dated some great men, so it is not that I am looking for anyone to fix, but unfortunately when you love someone you feel helpless when they are lost.Im just compassionate but its not healthy for me and I do not want to fix anyone.They need to see they have a problem.He has promised to change, but its all talk, he is so used to sneaking around w o getting caught, he was married 20 years and his wife short from saying, kind of warned me that he was not a good dad and that he had exposed his son to a lot.

[Kitkat22]

Good For You... You keep telling yourself you are worth more than this guy. Start building yourself up and get your confidence back.. Be Strong and remember, you have friends . Bless You

[Adapa]

when a man cheats on you, begs you back and treats you well for a few months and disrespects you yet again, is he worth ever taking back?

NO. There is no such things are second chances. With the experience I have with dating. HISTORY repeats itself. Just look around you, nothing will ever change, countries will always fight over the same thing over and over and over again. There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. People don't change. If they do, they will slowly go back to the way they where before because that is who they are, its in their genes. Unless a person changes for themselves, there is no hope. If a person changes for you, they will eventually turn right back into the same person. Sure it might take a couple months, maybe even 20 years later, but at some point in their life they are who they are. ONCE a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. ONCE a thief, ALWAYS a thief. Its like when you lie, once you know you can get away with it, what makes you stop? Can someone only tell one lie in their whole life? Once you cheat, and get away with it, would you never cheat again? These are questions you have to ask yourself. Save your dignity and leave with your head up high. Not only having a good life will be the biggest revenge but showing the other person that you could careless what they are doing is the best revenge you could ever have. No go, you know what to do.

[Kitkat22]

I agree with artlady. Some people can change and sure the world might seem a little screwed up, but we have so much to be thankful for. The guy we are talking about has treated unsurenow horribly. It's up to him to change. There are wonderful people in this world who have turned themselves around and have made contributions to the world. This guy and porn is one who is very questionable.

[unsurenow]

I think so too, I think the reason my ex is a troubled man is because he has crossed other boundaries thathe knew were wrong, like messing around while he was married thou he denies it was during the marriage, other things he has said were contradicting, messing I the neighbors wife because she said she was going toleave her husband and when he finds out theyr still married he continues the friendship with her? Selling her viagra soshe can use with the new lover? Somany weird things I had to put up with(well I didn't HAVE to) I DID put up with.. what if the new girl he posted on Facebook gets the MAN I wanted him to be, thhat sux.but I guess I had something to do with his new behavior? NOT he isn't going to change anytime soon.he will get bored again and continue

[Kitkat22]

HE IS A PLAYER! Let these women find out for themselves!. With all his cheating aren't you scared of an STD? Be thankful you didn't have children with this man.

[unsurenow]

Heck you, but I always had check ups and I'm clean, so maybe he didn't do it more than he one time with me.. I was just asking my friend if she thought that the new girl could win him over, like several books say, if she made him wait a while for sex, it took us a month and a half and it didn't make a difference , but catch him and keep him says, you have to be an unforgetttable woman for a man to stop and think, I'm not sure that after he has dated so many, he bragged about, that one woman could win him over.. I guess I'm still wondering why not me? I know the answers, they just hurt.. the truth hurts but will be what saves me

[jmjoseph]

NO. There is no such things are second chances. With the exp. I have with dating. HISTORY repeats itself. Just look around you, nothing will ever change, countries will always fight over the same thing over and over and over again. There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. People don't change. If they do, they will slowly go back to the way they where before because that is who they are, its in their genes. Unless a person changes for themselves, there is no hope. If a person changes for you, they will eventually turn right back into the same person. Sure it might take a couple months, maybe even 20 years later, but at some point in their life they are who they are. ONCE a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. ONCE a thief, ALWAYS a thief. Its like when you lie, once you know you can get away with it, what makes you stop? Can someone only tell one lie in their whole life? Once you cheat, and get away with it, would you never cheat again? These are questions you have to ask yourself. Save your dignity and leave with your head up high. Not only having a good life will be the biggest revenge but showing the other person that you could careless what they are doing is the best revenge you could ever have. No go, you know what to do.

And who are you to make such blanket statements?

" There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. " This couldn't be more wrong.

People CAN, and DO change every day. I would be a little more careful advising someone to "apply" such negative nonsense to their "daily life".

I am not telling her to stay with this cheater, I am just shooting down your theory.

There are "changelings" on this site.

I am one of them.

[Adapa]

And who are you to make such blanket statements?

" There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. " This couldn't be more wrong.

People CAN, and DO change every day. I would be a little more careful advising someone to "apply" such negative nonsense to their "daily life".

I am not telling her to stay with this cheater, I am just shooting down your theory.

There are "changelings" on this site.

I am one of them.

BLAH. I guess my posts are a little angry, but that's just because I am not in the best of moods right now. ;)

[unsurenow]

Aw I'm sorry your not in the best mood right now, I get that way too.. we just lose faith in people sometimes

[unsurenow]

How did u change yourself Jm? Did it take long?

[Kitkat22]

Don't worry about his new girlfriend. Start fresh and start feeling good about yourself. I've given you all the advice I can so take care and seek out old friends. If you are a Christian read your Bible and ask God's help.
He will help you get through this... If you aren't a Christian but you believe in God seek his answers.