[moya28]

Ive met this guy back in April "09". We've hit it off great... Aug. "09" we've became official and started dating... everything was going great but then come around Oct. he said that him and I need to talk... he was telling me how he really cares for me and he doesn't want to hurt me he never had or met a woman like me before... He has so much going on that he can't be in a committed relationship at this time... So I was literally in shocked at that moment... because he kept telling me that there is nothing wrong with our relationship its just not the right time for him... so can we just stept back and just be friends... but its hard to be just friends with someone that you have been intimate with... So at first I was little hurt but I told him.. I told him that I care about him a lot that I'm willing to except him as just being a friend.. Us being friends was suppose to be just that no benefits... but here it is now Feb. 2010 and we are still l doing things together as if we were in a serios relationship... I've even met his parents we still are being intimate he still stays over my house a few nights out of the week... He is great man he does thinks for me that I don't even ask him to do... So now I am head over heels in love with this man that I don't even know if he feels the same way... why because he doesn't like to open up... but just recently he has been talking a lot more and even told me that he is thankful to have me in his life that I am real true friend I am his ride or die chick... I know he is afraid of commitment because has been hurt badly by past relationships I have as well... Im not trying to give this man my all if he is will to do the same... so I've been keep my feelings locked inside because I'm honestly afraid of getting hurt... Please help me what is a girl to do...

[redhed35]

If after the first conversation he walked away and let you heal,he would have been a great man.

But as it stands he has no emotional committent to you,he has you on a string,he has no responsibility for your feelings and is not making any plans with you, but he is getting all the benefits of a relationship.

He can walk away at a moments notice because you have allowed him to have all the power in the 'relationship',there is no balance.

Either talk to him and find out where you stand,if its not on solid ground,love or not,walk away and get the chance to meet someone who will give the relationship you want.

[Jake2008]

This is another classic example of I want to be only a friend to you, I'm not ready for commitment, but, I want to keep things exactly as they are. That way, I can do whatever the hell I please, because it's not a 'real' relationship.

So let's take a look at your part in this. You are right where he wants you to be- wondering and guessing, and accepting the relationship as it is, without demanding answers or explanations.

He knows that if he can have his cake and eat it too, why does he need to change. You are seemingly (to him) quite happy to put up with this nonsense.

Why. His definition of 'friends' is exactly the same definition as 'relationship'. All he has done is broaden his horizons, allowed himself more freedom, got off the hook for being in a relationship, and can say he's single. All at your expense.

So what he's had commitment issues in the past. Who hasn't. Either get over it, or get into counselling, move past it. That is a lousy excuse.

You, need to define what type of relationship you are willing to have with him. You can't be a friend, you can't have a committed relationship with a future, all you can be is a friend with benefits. You've been demoted!

[jaime90]

This man is not great. He is using you for sex. The guy doesn't want a serious relationship, he just wants to mess around with you, on top of that, he doesn't have to feel bad if he were to up and leave you. You don't need a guru to tell you this. I suggest being a little more cautious, and not "falling" for a guy when you hardly even know him.
It is not impossible for you to stop having sex with him... So STOP! Tell him that you would rather not have sex with him, until he is ready to be in a serious, committed relationship. And even then, you have to consider the fact that he's already a man who is known by you to use women.

[Gemini54]

This man probably does care for you. But now he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his part in the relationship, or make any commitment to you.

It's reallly important that you decide what you want to do. Do you want to stay in a relationship where you love a man but are uncertain about how he feels about you, or his commitment to you?

If the answer is no, then you probably need to have a long conversation with him. Let him know that you've given him a lot but that you can't continue unless his commitment equals yours. Let him know that continuing as friends with benefits is hurting you deeply.

We've all been hurt by relationships, but sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith and trust in the person that we're with. This is what he needs to do, and if he can't (painful as it is), perhaps you need to seek what you desire elsewhere.

[talaniman]

Us being friends was suppose to be just that no benefits

You gave him the benefits, you can stop giving him the benefits. Actually, you the one that got dumped, but never disappeared from his life.

Not to late for that either.

[unsurenow]

If his name is Troy run like hell! Lol

Seriously though, it sounds like you want him so badly you are willing to be his "friend" that is working great for him because he did tell you he didn't want a comittment, you allowed him to make you a friend w benefits and now you are the only one confused.If u want to get a response from him
Suddenly just disappear... he will come after you for a while, or maybe not, but if he does don't respond for a while see what he does, then after he acts like he is going crazy without you, answer his text, tell him you have another interest since he didn't want to take it to another level and that you have to look after yourself like he is doing, this will either make him want you 100% or not but if he does act like it, make him prove it this time, go slow, don't be so predictable anymore, you have him spoiled now.. so stop