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NoMoreGames · Feb 4, 2010, 04:31 PM

I met someone online 1.5 months ago. I blew him off for a week after our first conversation and apologized. I let him know I was talking to other people but nothing serious so I wanted to get to know him better. We met 3 weeks ago.

He has a foot fetish (which scared me at first), says that he likes constant reassurance and is a dominant personality (which I don't mind). He wanted me to be exclusive with him and I finally told him that I would do that but only if I have his word that he is serious about me and not playing games and that he reciprocate. He mentioned that women tend to fall all over him and that he ends up having to block their numbers. We both hid our online profiles at the same time to focus on each other but he never believed that I stopped talking to people on more than a friend level. He left me a voicemail once saying that I won't stop until I lose it all and to not ask what that means because I already know. He says that he is the kind of man that will make me think??

We met, hit it off, kissed and had a great time. We had plans to meet last Saturday and I stayed up making him choco covered pretzels and strawberries as a surprise.

He lives 2 hours away, I told him that wasn't excited about driving so far to see him. I have a temporary roommate, so it wouldn't be convenient for him to come to me. He is more of a homebody and thinks that I want him to entertain me. I also let him know that I was thinking of moving to NC and fed up with my job.

We were supposed to meet last Saturday. We talk that previous Sunday and he told me how much he enjoyed our conversations and time spent together and I replied similarly. I called him on Monday to see if he'd be interested in meeting half way. I didn't hear back from him until 12 am on Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning when he left me a message mocking me asking if I wanted to meet him half way?! We talked on Thursday night he said he felt uneasy about planning our date and that he'd call on Friday to confirm what we'd do. During our conversation, he asked when I have my period (so he could track it and understand if I was acting moody). He wants me to open up.

He never called on Friday and I left him a message asking if he was still interested and to let me know if not, but he had been showing all the signs of being interest but was a little distant last week.

I hear back Saturday morning when he said we should just be friends, that I need someone more active, closer (distance) and that he's thinking of moving to NC and its not fair to put me through that.

I cried because it caught me so off guard that he was dumping me and told him that I want to continue the relationship. He said he'd think about it and call in a few hours. He never called back so I called him 5 hours later... He blocked my # from calling his phone and his page was back online?? ( happened).

I called him on Sunday (from a blocked #), he was really cold saying he had to go and what do I want. I told him that we didn't have any major issues causing him to back away like this and to give me another chance to show him the real me, no games, no other men, etc. He agreed and said he had somewhere to be so he'd call back later. Before he hung up, he said he felt like I was playing 2 many games, not exclusive with him and that he had some things going on personally BUT that he was willing to give us another try, he wanted to see me this coming weekend, would pay for my gas to drive to him, that he would look into getting a webcam so we can chat and see each other, and that he would call later to discuss it more.

I haven't heard from him since. I called him on Tuesday (my # is still blocked) and I sent him flowers (cost 50 bucks) on Tuesday. He got the flowers but still hasn't called to even acknowledge them or to talk like he said he would.

What's up with this guy? Head games? Not interested? Why would he say that he'd give it another go and elaborate so much just to blow me off again? He showed no signs of being uninterested until I left the message asking if he was still into me. Will he call? Completely not interested or does he just enjoy seeing me squirm and will call when I finally back off? Please help! I can't take this anymore. It's too stressful. I will let it go, but I hate unanswered questions.

rosemcs · Feb 4, 2010, 05:40 PM

A breakup does not have to make sense. Usually, there are unanswered question on one side. He has his own reasons that he will never tell you, or if he did, it may not even be agreeable with you. Even if he told you, it might not even be the whole truth. Read the other Relationship Stickies and you will see you are not alone.

Just move on and quit over-analyzing. You will forget about him in no time. It may sound cliché, but don't take it personally and don't feel like you have to prove who you are to him. You can learn not to go exclusive with anyone until you get to know them better--it helps take the pressure off.

Jake2008 · Feb 4, 2010, 05:49 PM

So you've known this guy for a month and a half, what do you really know. He has a foot fetish, he has to be constantly reasured, and he has a 'dominant' personality.

Was there anything about him that said, honesty, integrity, values, compassion, sense of humour, loves puppies and flowers?

He sounds very creepy, totally self-absorbed, selfish, cold, and calculating to me.

I don't think there was a relationship to begin with. What's to get over.

You can do much better.

Gemini54 · Feb 4, 2010, 09:42 PM

It's only been 6 weeks and he's already missed calls, gone hot and cold, left you mocking messages and claimed (without even knowing you) that he distrusts you...

This guy has SERIOUS problems and he sounds totally dysfunctional. Who cares what the answers to his behavior are - you can't understand some people and believe me, you don't want to know about this guy.

Ask yourself why are you attracted to this loser? Because he showed you some attention? You're not so absolutely desperate to make life hell for yourself, are you?

There was never a relationship - don't kid yourself, this man is trouble with a capital T. Mean, manipulative and moronic.

Run, as fast as you can away from this guy. Don't look back.

jaime90 · Feb 5, 2010, 12:22 PM

Not interested. You went way too fast. You kissed, and talked about foot fetishes only a month into even KNOWING the guy. You've never even been FRIENDS! How do you expect a serious relationship to come of this? I suggest moving on and letting this one go. Also, learn from this experience. There is no need to rush, and you should learn more about a guy before you date him. Be a little more cautious next time.

redhed35 · Feb 5, 2010, 12:38 PM

There's not much more to add to the other posts,this guy is a creep,track your periods!

On line relationships can be tricky,you don't always get what it says on the tin.

Take your time in future,go slow,and work on your confidence and self esteem.

amicon · Feb 5, 2010, 01:47 PM

You had a lucky escape,he sounds like a nutcase.
Try dating someone you can get to know,in real life,and work on building a friendship before you become a couple.

jfo · Feb 5, 2010, 07:59 PM

Sounds like HE'S got issues not you. Move forward, that's why you were given eyes in the front of your head, not they back. Run forest run!

NoMoreGames · Feb 5, 2010, 09:42 PM

Thank you ALL so much... your imput is helping make moving forward a lot easier. I felt foolish asking my friends/family for advice on this one because... well, just read the description above!
I was trying to ignore the signs that he may be controlling, manipulative, etc. because he's intelligent, has a master's degree, a beautiful home, drives a mercedes, has a great job, is 35 and "seemed" to be into me.
Instead of being distraught and thinking this is the end of the world, I should be learning my lesson and chalking this up to a learning experience. I know it's foolish, but I am still holding out for a phone call/ email from him explaining why he gave me false hope, accepted the flowers and didn't reply, etc. I guess I refuse to believe that someone could be so cold and heartless.
After he filled my head with so many lies about "really" wanting to be my boyfriend (and that he was looking for love), it is hard to believe that it wasn't all true. I thought he was just trying to teach me a lesson and ignore me for a few days so I would really take him seriously and he'd eventually come around.. I guess that's not the cause considering I haven't talked to him since Sunday (1-31). The fact that he could be so "into" me and completely ignore me so quickly shows that everything he said was a lie and that his intentions were never good! Life sucks and I give up on men for now, but I hope I learn my lesson from this!

Gemini54 · Feb 5, 2010, 11:15 PM

Don't give up on men!

But, do look up 'narcissist' or 'sociopath' on the web, and see if it fits.

Life does not usually suck - it's just a challenge sometimes!

amicon · Feb 5, 2010, 11:34 PM

Don't give up on men or finding a decent one-he is just one rotten apple,and a general waste of time and space.
Anyone can say anything to you,you look at their actions rather than listen to their words.
His actions speak of a seriously disturbed character who is-playing mindgames.

blowe · Feb 5, 2010, 11:48 PM

You dodged the bullet here! Literally. Block his number and invest in some friendships with girlfriends so you don't feel so emotionally needy when a man shows you a little bit of unhealthy attention. In order to find "the guy" you've got to get to a place where your healthy enough to realize this guy is a trainwreck in the first few conversations... you deserve better. Usually guys treat girls "better" up front so you can guess what he might be like in a year or five. :P

NoMoreGames · Feb 6, 2010, 01:37 PM

IDK, Maybe it's easier to see the signs as an outsider looking in than it is recognize when it's starring you right in your face.
BTW, I looked up "narcissist" and he has ALL of the symptoms. I didn't have the time or space to detail all of the other things that he did that were causes for concern. For example, I didn't answer when he called one day and he left me a message in a harsh, cold tone saying, "Five minutes... five minutes..." and hung up. I called him back a half hour later asking what he meant by that message and he simply said that he was talking to himself while programming his DVR and didn't know that he left the message on the voicemail. I told him that it sounded more like he was telling me that I better call back in 5 minutes. He would constantly blow off my concerns and got angry/aggitated very quickly if I didn't see things his way or agree with him.
It's crazy and scarry that I would put myself in harms way with this guy. I am just thankful that he dumped me and that I didn't end up needing a life raft to get out! If he does end up calling again (and who knows if he will), I need to be sure that I don't get swept back into it or even answer his calls at all!

Gemini54 · Feb 6, 2010, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by NoMoreGames

IDK, Maybe it's easier to see the signs as an outsider looking in than it is recognize when it's starring you right in your face.
BTW, I looked up "narcissist" and he has ALL of the symptoms. I didn't have the time or space to detail all of the other things that he did that were causes for concern. For example, I didn't answer when he called one day and he left me a message in a harsh, cold tone saying, "Five minutes... five minutes..." and hung up. I called him back a half hour later asking what he meant by that message and he simply said that he was talking to himself while programming his DVR and didn't know that he left the message on the voicemail. I told him that it sounded more like he was telling me that I better call back in 5 minutes. He would constantly blow off my concerns and got angry/aggitated very quickly if I didn't see things his way or agree with him.
It's crazy and scarry that I would put myself in harms way with this guy. I am just thankful that he dumped me and that I didn't end up needing a life raft to get out! If he does end up calling again (and who knows if he will), I need to be sure that I don't get swept back into it or even answer his calls at all!

Consider yourself lucky it was not even 2 months - it could have been 2 years. It's been a lucky escape, and you're now much the wiser!

talaniman · Feb 7, 2010, 10:53 AM

You honestly should learn to pay attention to those red flags, and examine why you ignored them, so you can learn from past mistakes, and not be bitter because you fell for a fruitcake, instead of a man.

Your lucky you have escaped any serious emotional damage, and use this experience as a lesson on not getting carried away by your feelings and stay focused on the facts.

Cut all, and any future contact, with this NUT.