[harshinikalyan]

Hello every body,
I have some issues with my mom-in-law so I did'nt allowed her to do any thing to my son(Reason--- she only wants to become mother to my son, she tried to blame me that I could'nt produce sufficient breast milk to my baby) . Then I didn't got mind to allow my son to be with her till now.

Now, my son is getting attached with all his family members, and he is showing more interest to be with her than with me, this I could'nt accept.
I can't resist now my kid to go to my mom-in-law,because he is happy with
Her,how should I make him to know that mother is more important than grany to my son.
Please suggest me

[neverme]

I'm sorry I picked up on this post completely wrongly!


I think that at your son's age there is no question that he will love you unconditionally. You are his mother and no one can take that away from you, not his mother in law or anyone.

It is important though, I think to have a relationship with your granny. Whether you get on with her, he is still entitled to have her in his life.

Give him some time and if the woman is as bad as you say he will see this too. Children have an uncanny ability to cut through the BS and not even know they are doing it.

If you push this you may end up damaging your own relationship with not only your son but your husband too. Trust that you will teach your son to be intuitive and to go with his gut.

Is it possible to have a word with your husband about all of this? See what his views are on it and take it from there? Support will do you the world of good and get you on the road to feeling more secure in yourself and your relationships.

[amicon]

I'm sure at nearly 3 years old your son loves you.
From your previous post it seems your MIL can be quite a bully and some honest communication how to sort that out would be beneficial to everyone.
Children need their extended family so talk with your husband and let him know your concerns.

[Jake2008]

It seems there have been no changes since you first posted about the mother in law problem.

Have you at least tried to tell your husband how you feel? Talk to your mother in law face to face?

It is easy to be resentful when a small child seems to have a preference for his Grandmother. Think about it. They don't have to be responsible for changing diapers, preparing meals, dealing with temper tantrums and discipline, juggling a stressful day with a fussy child, getting up in the middle of the night when the child is teething or falls out of the crib. They don't face a temper tantrum while trying to get a child in the bath who has just overturned a can of paint, or scribbled all over him/herself with ketchup or makeup.

They don't face the Doctor with a feverish, projectile vomitting child after sitting in the waiting room for 4 hours. They don't apologize to the neighbour when your kid pulls out all the flowers from the garden, or throws a ball at their dog, or decides to run down the street at 100mph and you have to catch him.

A mother's relationship with her child is very complex, and very consuming, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A child will not show love when you are the caregiver, peace maker, disciplinarian, cook, chauffeur, and doctor. That is what a mother does, and then some. The underlying is love of course, but a age three, they are dependent upon you for all life's day to day care. They don't up and say, "Gee thanks mom, great of you to wash the permanent marker off my face, and spend three hours getting the gum out of my hair. Sorry about the dog"

When your chid is with his grandmother it is all fun and games and takes the relationship to an entirely selfish level, for both the grandmother and child. She gets a clean, healthy child she can fuss over, spoil, dote on, hug, play with. The child gets a break from being expected to not be talked to over the goldfish stuck in the VCR.

It is a different relationship. Who wouldn't love to be pampered, spoiled, given anything by merely pointing to it, and have no worries about eating vegetables, or being given anything but hugs and kisses.

Your child is a child. His grandmother is doing grandmother things.

It is not quite right to compare the two relationships. They are different, completely different.

When you have grandchildren some day, you will see that. In the meanwhile, set the jealousy aside, allow them the luxury of being with your child, and set the resentment aside.

Stop seeing things so superficially, and expect a three year old to know the difference between what mom does, vs. what grandmother does, and give you the same kind of payback.

Doesn't work that way.