[sully123]

Please think with your head right now instead of your emotions. You can't make it better now, you can only respect his wishes. We have all been down this road sometime in our life. It's not easy. You feel like you just want to make it right and go back. It's not going to happen that way, trust me. YOU have to be strong and don't contact him. He will respect you more in the end. He asked you too give him space, and you didn't. You pestered him so much he wants to change his number. It's never going to work this way, when you don't him space to even miss you, if its meant to be. We learn from our mistakes. He needs to finish medical school, and has a lot of pressure. Respect his wishes, don't answer his calls or text him back for now. Let the dust settle. If and I say if, its meant to be, and you stay strong and focus on you now, he might circle around again. Please, no contact, if you have to vent were hear to listen and help you.

[vanheart]

Exactly.

Don't make another drastic life decision until you get a handle on this.

Don't rush, time is your pal now.

After a bit, you'll hopefully take a hard look at this relationship and yourself.

And what's important for you. You can go anywhere and do whatever you want.

And go NC, totally. Believe me on that one.

[hopeflies]

Thank you everyone - I have held off making any major decisions while in this emotional state.

I also hear what everyone is saying and I know NC is for the best - it is the advice I would give someone else. But I have some doubts - the first time we broke up - he texted me that he wanted to meet up - if I had ignored him we would have never had the past year together. I met up with him and he told me that he wanted to make it work etc etc.

Also - what about proving to someone how much you love them - etc. I realise that this is not the time - as I know he needs his space etc. But I know he loves me - and I love him - its not like he fell out of love with me or fell in love with another woman. We had some communication issues and both stressed with uni and work etc.

I don't want to hold onto hope - but I don't feel like my situation is hopeless - maybe that is me being in denial - but I don't know what to think.

I think that we talked about spending out lives together are were planning a future and have similar values and interests etc. - that it is not something you just do NC to and give up on. I don't want to take a defeated stance and cut him completely out of my life.

And yes maybe I am being stupid - but I believe that if I just give him his space and in this time work on myself - better myself both physically/mentally/spiritually that if (and only if) he calls - I won't ignore that call.

Any thoughts?

[amicon]

I would say you're holding on to false hope.

Change yourself for YOU not for anybody else.

Be in charge of your own life for you not because you are hoping for him to come back.

[hopeflies]

amicon: I just re-read what I wrote and I can see how desperate it sounds.

I guess I just need to finally put the hope down and move on with my life for me and not in hope of "us".

I am in NC right now but I still answered an IM from him this morning. I was going out of my head this weekend that he hadn't called but just seeing his name light up calmed me down and we had a quick light conversation.

I know I should go complete NC but I find I can think better and get through the day easier with just a quick hello from him.

Brains trying to tell me one thing - heart is pulling me in the opposite direction.. :(

[vanheart]

That's why total NC is so important.

Cuts the drama, flip-flopping and any expectations. Most importantly allows you to start to heal and move forward.

Don't be strung along and jump whenever he feels the need to contact.

Be in control now.

[vanheart]

Plus, hopeflies,

If someone said to me "We are so bad with each other", "It's not fair to make you wait & "Why are you calling, I'm going to change my number?"

I would get the message.

[emopunk7]

Emopunk7 here to save the day with full power and light!
Looking at your past history that you wrote, you two broke up before. Once that happened, it was doomed to happen again. You made the mistake of taking him back. Once it doesn't work, it will never work. Don't believe me? You are now here again, unfortunately. Yet, you still want to go through it again even though life is trying to tell you he is not the one. Pick up the signs! It will be rough to go NC but you will get used to it and the pain goes down. Its been 3 months of NC for me and I am doing great! I still think about her and us but progress is showing.
We are here to help and give you a push so keep coming back.

[hopeflies]

I just crashed and burned!

He emailed me at work - I answered - then it got to me flirting a bit and asking him if we could chat by phone - then he said this probably isn't good for the break! So I said you are right and that I still not got the hang of this whole break thing and good luck with studying bla bla bla.

Then he wrote me that he feels the same but he can't think about us because when he does it messes him up and he can't think.

I KNOW that not talking to him is best... but I don't want to ignore him. I know how he is and he will think I am just ignoring him to play games. And I know I am supposed to think who cares what he thinks - this is about me. But I don't want to give him the wrong idea.

I am so lost. Just when I think I can handle this - I can't. I know he is struggling as well - I just can't admit to myself that this might be it. I can't. And I don't know how to do it. But I am driving myself mad with all these thoughts going round and round in my head!

[amicon]

Then YOU send HIM an email telling him to stop contacting you. He can't have his cake and eat it.

You're allowing him to be in charge-dont!
You're overthinking all his actions and you're putting your life on hold-dont!

Stick to the no contact.

[hopeflies]

Not having a great day today! It seems as though that one day of emailing 4 days ago was nothing as I have not heard from him at all. I guess I said something wrong or pushed him back further into his man cave.

This just keeps getting harder. I thought it was going to get easier as the days pass but this is horrible. I have almost called him so many times today but keep hearing the words "NO CONTACT" in my head so I don't.

I have read the stickies and have talked with people but this empty feeling I have just won't go away. This sucks! :(

[amicon]

But you're not doing NC if you keep talking online.

That's what's set you back now-you broke the NC and clung on to false hope again.

No contact means no contact as in none-zilch.-zero.

Time to go down that road.
Now.

[hopeflies]

Should I tell him then? This is where I get confused. I don't want to just not answer his emails etc. I think that would be rude. Maybe that is silly but I don't think ignoring him is the way to go.

So do I tell him not to contact me? I have not contacted him once since I started this thread but not sure how to deal with NC from his end.

[amicon]

It's not rude-it's taking care of YOU.

I would ignore ALL communication from him in the future-you need to break free from the idea that you belong in a relationship with a guy who,quite frankly,treats you like a doormat.

The sooner you apply proper NC,the sooner you will heal.

[hopeflies]

Thank you amicon for helping me. You seem to be the only one out there who is helping me through this.

I didn't realize how hard going NC would actully be! :(

[amicon]

I'm glad I can help! :-)

NC is tough,but it works.
And once you're over the first difficult bumps,it gets easier by the day.

Be patient with yourself and keep busy doing things you enjoy doing.
Take care.

[talaniman]

Amazing how we can think we are being rude by not responding to someone that has dumped us. Its not rude at all to ignore someone for the sake of our own healing. Being rude should be the least of your concerns at this point as you struggle to get through NC!

Be rude! Ignore him, and let go of the false hope he cares, or will change his mind.

Whatever his reasons for contacting you, and whatever he is going through, are not enough to justify his keeping hurting you. Whether he understands are not, ignore him, and put yourself over his needs to contact you.

I know it hasn't been that long, and the emotional dust hasn't settled yet, but it will. And it does get better.

[hopeflies]

I have hit a major low!
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is affecting my sleep, my work, my health – everything!
I logically know that everything will be OK and time will heal all and that I should not talk to him – but I just can't seem to get my heart or my emotions to follow suit.

He actually called me last week because I was nominated for something at work – and I was so excited that I emailed him – he knew how much I wanted this. It felt really nice that he called to say congrats and we had a great talk.

He then messaged me a couple days ago – and I was having a light conversation – then it turned to us – and I told him that I would do anything to make it work and I will support him through his last year of school in anyway I can. And he just tells me that “it's easy to say this – but we will just fight again and I can't fail this year”. I am so lost – I don't want to wait around – but I also know I want to be with him and start a family with him (as we had planned to start trying for kids later this year). I feel like my whole world has been dumped upside down.

I know everyone keeps telling me to go complete NC – I just can't seem to be strong enough to do it!

[vanheart]

Yes, its very hard, NC.
But its really the only way to begin healing.

I didn't think I was strong enough either, but the point is ex's want something different. They are happy to be our friend after the fact because they have nothing to lose. It's a win-win for them.

Don't fall into that trap, you will regret it later. Then you will have to start all over.

[vanheart]

You know, hopeflies, I feel for you. Know that pain & all that comes with it.

One thing I was thinking that might help is to know that you haven't found the right person yet. Or it he hasn't found you. Its true.

Like you said. For the past year, you fought & fought.

I know what you are going through. But remind yourself and keep remining yourself how much you rock, and are worthy of good things & people.

We can get low & lose our self-worth because of these things. Don't.

Its been I think 8mo. Since my ex dumped me & honestly, Im not worried about what her, what happened, or if a new girlfriend is coming my way, and haven't been for a while.

NC did that. Plus soul searching & really hard work on myself. All I wanted was to get over that pain as fast as she dumped me.

Takes time. Do the right things.