[smoothy]

What you describe Smoothy are technical and physical difficulties - we all know that feelings for another person can conquer all of that.



We have no way of knowing that this is the case - clinging to what was may provide hope - in any case, it is our beliefs that hold us back, not what we can or can't do.

Sometimes it's the long meandering paths that teach us our greatest lessons - as the OP is no doubt discovering!

Well, the short and direct point I was trying to make...

Separation anxiety from someone who there are now MAJOR obstacles preventing them from bweing together... WILL distract her from being able to focus on what she needs to focus on at this point to get her life back on track. Now if Boyfriend was local... and that those barriers (legal, cash, AND distance) preventing them from being together didn't exist... I would think differently about that relationship.

I will disagree that clinging to what was will hinder her moving ahead. For this reason. IF everything had been right before... then this situation would not exist.

Rememebr the comment Albert Einstein said about the definition of insanity " Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I think the failure on multiple fronts is a good example of when to seriously review what you did, why it failed and make a course change so that it doesn't happen again. Most of us have to face this during our lives. Some more than others. Not only related to careers, but in relationships as well.

Human nature is tio cling to what you know... even if its destructive.

A good example (of an extreme case) is people who stay in relationships where they are physically and mentally abused.

If someone can stay in one of those... you can see how easy it is for someone to stay in one where that didn't happen, but the sad realities of life makes the relationship unsustainible.

[talaniman]

Its important to focus on the main most important things, like sustaining oneself, by whatever means there are.

You can't have a healthy relationship with any one until the one with yourself is healthy.

Doing for yourself is the basic building blocks of good health.

[Devorameira]

I have to agree that you really have to focus on getting yourself healthy right now. When you lose your job and possessions it feels like everything is coming unraveled. Depression is really common with everything that you've been through, but your depression has lasted way too long. You really need to talk to a mental health expert to get back on track.

It'll be tough starting at the bottom and working your way up, but you have to set some goals for yourself and start moving. Even if it means working at a fast food restaurant... at least it gets you back among the living. Get up and move - Life is passing you by!

Do you talk to your fiancé? Does he know how you feel? Would he consider moving to be with you and support you while you get back on your feet? Open up to him.

[atwitsend2010]

It is tough starting at the bottom. I look at my cv and I feel totally inadequate, useless and worthless. I have low self-esteem and yes I am depressed. How am I supposed to get a job? I used to be an extremely positive and self-motivating person and I've lost her. Yes I talk to my fiancé but we don't actually communicate. Communication has been a low point for some time. He is dealing with his own set of problems, i.e. foreclosure, creditors and trying to re-start his life. He tries to re-assure me that he is working on a solution. It has been 17 months. How much longer am I supposed to wait? It is sometimes easier to believe the relationship is over and then I go through those emotions. Then he rings. I am basically going through these set of emotions weekly. It is enough to drive anyone insane.

[smoothy]

I recommended against waiting for him because even IF they give him a visa it could take as long as 10 to 20 years... 5 years IF he is damn lucky, there is no guarantee anyone who applies will be approved. . The waiting lists are long. Yes I know people who have been trying to years to get brothers, sisters or parents a visa to come here.

You HAVE to start someplace... nobody says you HAVE to stay there... you work your way back up as opportunity allows.

After all... what are the odds of getting back immediately into the same job if you are living under a bridge? Which do you think is the worse option there?