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alynmaz · Dec 5, 2006, 08:47 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now.. everyone swore and so did we that we were perfect until I recently found out he kissed another girl at a party a few months back. He told me everything that happened.. he told me it was when we were fighting.. she came up to him.. kissed him.. he didn't close his eyes and then he backed up and told her it was wrong and stupid because he has me. I know a little kiss is not that big of a deal.. but my perception that use to be of him was this great guy who would never do that to me.. and now its gone.. maybe that's why I am so upset? He's been crying to me and saying how sorry he was and begging me to give him a chance in the future. Does once a cheater really mean always a cheater? Will I be able to have the same perception again as I once had? Is he really sorry? And can I trust hell never do it again?

Tuscany · Dec 5, 2006, 08:59 AM

Once a cheater always a cheater... I tend to agree... but there are always times where this does not ring true.

Either way, once cheating has taken place in a relationship the trust is gone. Without trust what do you have?

Wildcat21 · Dec 5, 2006, 09:02 AM

I don't know if I consider this cheating - he stole a kiss - nothing more.

It's like he is talking with her ort e-mailing her.

How old are You? It's important.

Bluerose · Dec 5, 2006, 09:15 AM

It was just a kiss! Who does he go home with? That's what is really important. He knows you were upset, he'll be more careful next time. Don't crucify him for a kiss. If you let that bother you so much... Boy are you in for a shock! Life is full of stolen kisses. Suffer or learn to deal.

s2tp · Dec 5, 2006, 09:32 AM

I don't believe in the 'once a cheater always a cheater'... People make mistakes and everyone is capable of changing and it sounds like the two of you are still maturing... He seems to be sincere with his apology. As long as he does not do anything else I believe you are safe to trust him. It doesn't sound like he went out trying to find someone, someone else came and found him and took advantage of your 'fighting'. He made the right choice by backing off and not doing anything else... with that you should be proud of him. Another girl throwing herself at him, and him only thinking of you even though he was probably angry with you... Impressive to me. Ive known too many guys who would have taken advantage of an opportunity like that.

Best of luck to the two of you!

chuff · Dec 5, 2006, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by alynmaz

she came up to him.. kissed him..

She kissed him, he didn't kiss her. Your good.

Skell · Dec 5, 2006, 04:00 PM

Yeah,

Try and get over this. I can understand your upset at the thought of it but I really don't see it as that big an issue if he actually handled it the way he says he did.

Just talk to him, see the person you love, see his regret and forgive him.

If you can't do that then break up with him. Perhaps the thought of not having him and the next time you seem him he is closing his eyes with this girl because it is his new girlfriend might change your thinking.

He appears to love you as much as you love him so try your best to get over it. But if you can't then you have to get rid of him. Sounds a bit drastic doesn't it?

Allheart · Dec 5, 2006, 04:10 PM

Alynmaz,

You know what is really positive about this... when you asked him, or when you both talked about what happened... he told the truth. He did not lie. Think I will repeat that one.. he was HONEST with you. He showed remorse and regret. He did not take the cowards way out and try to deny.

Have this be a learning experience for both. A difficult thing happened, that you both talked about and worked through together. Alynmaz, that right there shows a very healthy relationship.

Problem - mistake made - talked it through with honesty - showed deep regret - forgiveness.

The last one is for you. Forgive him and let it go compeltely. Do not remind him or dangle it over his head. Don't think he can feel any worse about it than he already does.

And don't you dare feel bad inside or insecure about it. He loves you and cares about you enough to be honest and show his sincere remorse.

You have nothing more to be upset about.

chuff · Dec 5, 2006, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by Allheart

Alynmaz,

You know what is really positive about this....when you asked him, or when you both talked about what happened...he told the truth. He did not lie. Think I will repeat that one..he was HONEST with you. He showed remorse and regret. He did not take the cowards way out and try to deny.

Have this be a learning experience for both. A difficult thing happened, that you both talked about and worked through together. Alynmaz, that right there shows a very healthy realtionship.

Problem - mistake made - talked it through with honesty - showed deep regret - forgiveness.

The last one is for you. Forgive him and let it go compeltely. Do not remind him or dangle it over his head. Don't think he can feel any worse about it than he already does.

And don't you dare feel bad inside or insecure about it. He loves you and cares about you enough to be honest and show his sincere remorse.

You have nothing more to be upset about.

Well I had to spread it but I tried to rate you.

Do you know how many women say they want a man that's honest with them. Well I don't either, but most of them would prefer that in a man (and vice versa we would with the ladies). You man actually stood up knowing this wasn't going to be a good situation for him and told you. That took some courage. I give him a lot of credit and I don't even know him. You have right in front of you what some women seek a lifetime and never get. You've got one of the good guys. Don't give him up over this.

Allheart · Dec 5, 2006, 06:05 PM

Oh chuff, I had to spread the rep as well, but you gave me chills!! It is so true... honestly is the golden gift anyone could ever receive.

Amen Chuff... Amen!

chuff · Dec 5, 2006, 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by Allheart

Oh chuff, I had to spread the rep as well, but you gave me chills!!!!! It is so true...honestly is the golden gift anyone could ever receive.

Amen Chuff....Amen!!

While, I can't speak for anyone else but when a woman admits that I gave her the chills that pretty much puts grin on my face! I'll be catching you later Allheart. ;)

Allheart · Dec 5, 2006, 06:28 PM

Lol... sorry... yikes... Oh my... Oh Allheart.. ya did it again... 2 funny

Not saying another word... nope...

chuff · Dec 5, 2006, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Allheart

Lol ...sorry....yikes....Oh my....Oh Allheart..ya did it again ....2 funny

Not saying another word...nope....

Allheart you've already said more than enough. I already know I give you the chills, why don't we see if I can warm you up. :D

Allheart · Dec 5, 2006, 06:46 PM

Chuff you are so right, I should have written in abbreviations, as I know how much you love them, you probably could have understood me a whole lot better...

Isn't that rt?

Before you jdg me I tnk you shld no that I'm knot a bad peeps I'm saying you don't no me so why did you say you new me

LOL

chuff · Dec 5, 2006, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by Allheart

Chuff you are so right, I should have written in abbreviations, as I know how much you love them, you probably could have understood me a whole lot better...

aint that rt?

b4 u jdg me i tnk u shld no tht im knot a bad peeps im jst sayin u dont no me so y did u say u new me

LOL

You are crt. I'll be done reading this by tomorrow around noon!

s_cianci · Dec 5, 2006, 07:13 PM

In a case like this I think I'd give him another chance. You admitted it happened while you were fighting so maybe he was unsure of where he stood with you at that time. It sounds like there was really not much to the whole thing so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this one time. If it happens again, however, then that could be a red flag that you've got a problem.

kitten94515 · Oct 23, 2007, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Tuscany

Once a cheater always a cheater...I tend to agree...but there are always times where this does not ring true.

Either way, once cheating has taken place in a relationship the trust is gone. Without trust what do you have?

Uhhh nope. I disagree. As long as he didn't do ANYTHING else, your fine. I mean? Was there stuff also involved, like do you have proof he did, or what he said. I kind of agree yet I kind of don't... :confused:

dianamonkey123 · Oct 23, 2007, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by alynmaz

me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now.. everyone swore and so did we that we were perfect until i recently found out he kissed another girl at a party a few months back. he told me everything that happened.. he told me it was when we were fighting.. she came up to him.. kissed him.. he didnt close his eyes and then he backed up and told her it was wrong and stupid because he has me. i know a little kiss is not that big of a deal.. but my perception that use to be of him was this great guy who would never do that to me.. and now its gone.. maybe thats why i am so upset? hes been crying to me and saying how sorry he was and begging me to give him a chance in the future. does once a cheater really mean always a cheater? will i be able to have the same perception again as i once had? is he really sorry? and can i trust hell never do it again?

You are being way way way to hard on him. She kissed him... not the other way around! Plus he told her to back off. He obviously cares about you because he wants to make things work. But if you can't forgive him then maybe he is not the right person for you. The ball is in your court now... you need to forgive him and rebuild the trust or you need to break up with him if you can't get past the kiss.

Look in your heart and think of all the good things he has done for you... then you will know what to do :)

N0help4u · Oct 23, 2007, 01:41 PM

He doesn't sound like a cheater to me. If he is a cheater he is a really crummy one (and they are easily caught) so it is in your favor. If stealing a kiss is all you have to worry with him thank God for your lucky stars!! I agree 100% with Bluerose!

Matteus · Nov 6, 2007, 03:32 AM

Originally Posted by alynmaz

me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now.. everyone swore and so did we that we were perfect until i recently found out he kissed another girl at a party a few months back. he told me everything that happened.. he told me it was when we were fighting.. she came up to him.. kissed him.. he didnt close his eyes and then he backed up and told her it was wrong and stupid because he has me. i know a little kiss is not that big of a deal.. but my perception that use to be of him was this great guy who would never do that to me.. and now its gone.. maybe thats why i am so upset? hes been crying to me and saying how sorry he was and begging me to give him a chance in the future. does once a cheater really mean always a cheater? will i be able to have the same perception again as i once had? is he really sorry? and can i trust hell never do it again?

A cheater would never tell you the truth. And you can understand a cheater, the way he treats you in different times during the relation. Was he devoted, happy to be with you, etc? That's a sign. On the otherside, you argued. And he was vulnerable. And it happened. What's the point here? We all are different people. And our vulnerability "level" is different. Than again, it depends on the level of your argue. Ok, he may be weak at this point, and I can say you are right to take it bad. But I have to say, I was in the same position like your boyfriend, when I argued with my ex. I have to say I am very loyal and honest and moralist, and once I am in relation, I don't even think of cheating on my partner (I hate those kind of people), but in somehow, I found myself weak. It was because of conditions (I work alone and I don't have much time for parties etc), I didn't kissed someone else, or cheated on her. Im not a bad person at all. But I'm a human being. Its like I wanted to give up on that stress, and the "best" way, is to have some emotional flows with someone else. They find the other person, a copy of you in your best days, if you understand what I mean. Sounds weird, but some people can fall in this trap.
So, I say, although the reason may sound weird to cheat on someone else, don't look at other people in this forum. They all will say its his fault, he could be much stronger, etc. that he is a cheater, and will always be one, etc. Common. You know your boyfriend better than them. I won't give an answer, cause I think you already can understand my answer through my post.