[Cutloose2]

It is very childish amicon.. I think I gave a reasonable reason why I wanted the things exchanged and its no shame on my part to say that these things are the last link and I want them gone.. I actually feel a little bit of power in this now(Its not about winning or losing I know) but for me the dragging of the heals and the unwillingness to swap the stuff makes me believe that she is unsure and wants to cling on to the last things.. (I may be wrong) but I view it that way and it gives me strength that I am acting in a reasonable adult way... NC forever now it does work if you are strong enough..

[amicon]

Yes,she may be ,but whatever her reasons are, you keep moving on with your life.
Nc forever is a good mantra!

[Cutloose2]

Thanks amicon.. The tide does change if you are strong enough and believe in yourself... I use a simple tool now to help me... A.L.E. (haha) it stands for Accept the past... Learn from it and your mistakes... Evaluate your future... Becuase there is one for everyone it doesn't stop when another human being doesn't want to share it with you.. It just means that you get twice the pleasure from it... Thanks all

[amicon]

Now that is REAL ALE!
Come back and tell us how it goes. :-)

[Cutloose2]

I will amicon.. Im sure I will have to remove the things myself but you never know she may decide to grow up and either show what game she is playing or removals men turn up Thursday we shall see.. either way I can walk away knowing I was grown up (After the initial please don't do this and all the crap you do) x

[talaniman]

Warning-May be a bit harsh!

I have followed this thread from the beginning, and I am sure you appreciate the suggestions and support Friend, and Amicon have given you. But when I came across this,

So frustrating and I explained in the NICE email that the keys are symbolic to me... they were me letting her into my little world and for me to get closure I wanted them back and her to collect her things...

Being a guy, I have sort of lived by the mantra, say what you mean, and mean what you say, and think you left this exchange thing go far to long, dwells on it to long, and let this whole thing carry you to some unrealistic tangents. When you confronted her about it, instead of coming straight out about YOUR KEYS, you make them some sort of symbol your conveying about this truly being over.

Nice try at sympathy, but the facts say you hemmed and hawed over your stuff but did nothing, until you finally got the courage to take action, and get results. On your terms, no less.


I suppose you had to get through the process a bit, to be fair, you did finally do it. But in no way blame her for your inaction, not completely at least.
You don't get to lay blame, while not taking responsibility for your actions, or in this case, inaction.

Failing to recognize your part in a failed relationship is a certain sign that the mistakes will be repeated yet again.

Be aware of these lessons you have learned, as you are well on the way to healing, and moving on.

Talaniman Rule-Never date a co worker. No matter how good she smells.

Good Luck!

[Cutloose2]

Thanks Talaniman, I agree with some of your statements and comments in that I failed at first to act decisiverly in respect to MY KEYS.. I think that was my way of not accepting that it was over and I Don't blame her for my inaction, I expect from ANYONE in a relationship or not to behave in a respectful manner, withholding property that belongs to another person is such a manner and I found it fard and still do find it hard to accept. I made several requests for her to collect her things without deadlines as I thought that was me being respectful of another individual however, that time has gone and now I WANT MY THINGS BACK! End of. Hers will be given to charity once my deadline has passed which I feel is the most appropriate and adult way to handle things.. No one is to blame for the split it was a 50/50 thing and the relationship wasn't strong enough for it to make it through that's the bottom line I think.. I have learnt a lot and the consequences of male pride and not asking for help or affection at a time you need it in the right manner.. I received a text of her today asking if I was OK and hoping I was good! I didn't reply and you know what.. I actually found it quite easy not to.I just deleted and carried on.. No mention of the exchange and I'm sure it won't happen.. You know what... I don't care!! I will change my locks and give away the things and when she eventually asks for the things I will be honest, truthful and explain my reasons in an adult way. God I feel good... Many thanks for all your responses it ahs given me strength to carry the NC through bless you all...

[Cutloose2]

Sorry withholding property is not a respectful or adult thing to do.. not as stated in my previous post

[Cutloose2]

Back again and well the deadline passed and nothing so I have changed the locks and the charity came and took her things today.. I got a text off her on Monday saying she had only just got some text of my over the work do thing and asking if I was OK with lots of?? at the end.. I didn't reply.. Then on Wednesday she rang my workphone.. let it ring twice and she hung up (Prob expecting me to ring back) I didn't I figuared that if it was important and about work she would have left a message... Anyway the final act is done and I got rid of the past at last.. I do feel better about doing it but still feel it is sad that I had to give the things to charity... Im sure at some point I will have to explain my actions but I gave enough time and notice for the things to be gone... Time to move forward... Thamk you all for your advice and words it has really helped and got me to a place were I'm finally comfortable after 9 weeks... I have learnt a lot and will take that forward with me... I don't blame myself anymore in fact I don't blame anyone... I have fond memories and that's what matters.. I will post again but thank you all so much... x

[Cutloose2]

Before I go, I spoke to a close friend of ours on Tuesday and he told me she had spoken to him and blamed herself as much as me for the split.. He kind of summed up how I came to a peace in myself when he asked me to answer the following things..

1. Do you know what went wrong from your perspective and what you did?

Answer... Yes

2. Did you apologise and explain the reasons for it?

Answer.. Yes

3. Have you learnt from the experience and you own failings?

Answer... Yes

4. Have you told her how you feel about her?

Answer... Yes


Then you can do no more and should walk away proud that you had the courage to face your shortcomings and learn from them (In the end). I will learn from all this and the 1 thing I will take away is that you must share what you are feeling inside and not push people away when you feel you can't tell them.. Letting someone in means just that.. You let them into you, not just your home or your bed and its not a bad thing to admit you can't deal with a situation.. It takes more strength to admit weakness than to hide it with a lie... Take care all

[amicon]

End of chapter,lesson learned(I hope) and life goes on.
Take good care of yourself.

[Cutloose2]

I have and I will.. thanks amicon

[amicon]

Come back with updates if you feel you need to.
Happy weekend!

[Cutloose2]

Hi all, back again... My ex has text me asking how I am and am I OK... I haven't replied but don't get why she is doing it now... I did speak to her after my last post as I felt strong enough too and just wanted MY closure.. She said she had forgiven me for my lie and fully understood and accepted why I had done it but couldn't forget the way it made her feel... I accepted that and told her that I hoped she would find what she wanted and to take care... Havent contacted her since but now the texts have started from her... I do still have the feelings but I don't want to break NC.. any advice

[amicon]

Hi- I'm glad you're feeling better.
'She can't forget how it made her feel'-that comment from your ex makes me think you should ignore her texts.

It is not as if she is saying,I understand,I forgive you,and lets try and work this not.

Remember,you made a mistake and her reaction,was to break it off.

[Cutloose2]

Thanks Amicon.. I didn't understand her comment really.. If I knew how it made her feel I might have got it but there was no explanation she just said she couldn't forget how the lie made her feel. The confusing thing for me was that I was conmpletely forgiven and she had understood the reasons for me doing it (I was under a lot of pressure) (No excuse I know).. I have ignored her and I will continue to as she did with me when she broke it off... Its not to get her back for the ignorance but for me to be able to continue to heal... I kind off look at it this way... I can't be friends (Not for a while anyway), she doesn't want me in her life in the relationship so why do you want to know if I'm OK? You don't! I don't know what the play is here but I isn't playing no more.. If somebody doesn't want you in there life and the other person finally accepts it then please let them go and don't keep them reminding of it.. I will keep to NC and see what comes next.. Thanks guys

[talaniman]

Wise to keep no contact as you need nothing else to heal, and being curious about her feelings (any woman's really) will not help.

If you think about it lying is a deal breaker for new romances, as it brings up trust issues and she didn't want to deal with it. Had she been the one to lie, you would certainly have second thought about her, I believe.

Plus as Amicon says her breaking up about it, instead of being willing to work things out, is a big indication this romance wasn't worth the effort involved.

Maybe its for the best, but next time just don't lie about your actions.

[Cutloose2]

Talaniman, thank you.. You can be harsh but you are always true... I know I made a mistake an I paid for it.. There are reasons behind it and I ended up hospitalised because of those reasons.. I went through a breakdown and didn't know how to ask for help.. I owned up to the lie straight away and accept my actions and the consequences.. I don't and have never lied before and never will again... It was one of those moments in life you regret but learn from... Bottom line ask for help don't be a plank and hide it... Thanks all I really appreciate the advice and will keep the NC

[amicon]

You keep NC and keep swimming!
Good luck!