[HeidiO]

I am married but my hubby & I were just about divorced & I was pregnant with my third child but knew it was my old USED TO BE friend's. He wasn't there very much for me while I was pregnant. My hubby had gone down to NC to train for the army. When I was 6months pregnant my kids & I moved down to be with him. My father became terminally ill so 5 months later my kids & I moved back temporarily back up to be there for my mother. The baby's dad knew we were up here & saw the baby every now & then & has bought one pack of diapers (baby is 10mths). He has said he won't go for visitation if I don't ask for child support but will out of spite. I am TERRIFIED to leave my baby with him. When the baby was 3mths old he didn't check to see if the baby was strapped in to the carrier & the baby went flying. How can I prove to the judge that I am very scared? Put a restraining order on him? Anything else?

[justcurious55]

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding this. What makes you think he is going to run with the baby? Has he made threats to do so? As the father, he has every right to ask for visitation. He also has a responsibility to provide for yours and his child financially. And paying or not paying child support doesn't necessarily have anything to do with visitation.

Forgetting to strap the baby in was bad. But was it intentional? Was he under the influence of anything at that time? Or was it really just an honest mistake?

Having a restraining order might influence a judge. But what are you getting a restraining order for? Has he been abusive? Threatening? Harassing you?

[Gemini54]

I'm a bit confused - you're married, but were about to be divorced and conceived a child with another man? Is that right?

Is it this man that is saying he won't seek visitation if you don't seek child support? So why is the baby staying with him if he doesn't want visitation?

In any case, a child has a right to know its father - regardless of how it was conceived. Not strapping a baby into a carrier correctly is concerning, but hardly a reason to put a restraining order on someone.

I suspect that this situation is much more complex that you've briefly described. What does your husband think about all of this?

[Fr_Chuck]

OK, first whose name is on the birth certificate, if you were married, normally the hsuband is considered the legal father unless the other man objects ( or the husband objects)

So the name on the birth certificate is one issue.

After that if the babies father has any legal rights ( you have not said he did) you need a child custody order from court, child support ordered, then if he does not come back, you take him back to court

[Jake2008]

I suspect that part of the problem is your husband is not aware that the third child is his?

You need to be fair to your husband and tell him if he doesn't already know.

The father cannot negotiate 'no visitation for no child support'. That is a manipulative, cowardly tool to get out of doing what he is legally responsible to do- pay child support.

He may at some point decide that he wants visitation, and he wants a relationship with his child. That is something you cannot deny him, simply because you don't like him, or it is inconvenient to have to make arrangements to make that happen.

It's too bad you weren't this concerned over consequences when you had an affair and got pregnant with another man's child.

The only person that can put a child support order, visitation agreements and the like, is a Judge.