[mnbear69]

I am own and occupy a single family residence in Minnesota. I have had a friend/roommate for about 9 months. He is 33, I am 53. He was to pay $450.00 per month but I agreed to let him work around the house on projects to reduce the monthly rent to $225.00. He has not paid rent in cash since he moved in. He drives an uninsured car and works for $8hr and is attending community college. I had known him for about a year when he moved in. We are both gay. He has been a male escort in the past but agreed to stop as a part of our agreement. There has been an unspoken awareness on my part that when we are sexual, it isn't exactly a mutual attraction and he appreciates a steak dinner or groceries, etc. Long story short, I let myself get into a horrible mess. He seems to be bi-polar and has periods of being the nicest guy but then he can snap and be, so hostile and volatile. We got into an altercation during the summer and he pushed me so hard that I hit the floor with my head first and was knocked out cold for 5 -7 min. The paramedics were called and he was arrested. I bailed him out and didn't press charges. As time as gone on, I have become very attached and am always defending him to the plethora of friends who look from the outside in, just scratching their heads in wonderment. I thought that he and I had started developing a genuine friendship. I knew he would never be "mine" but I thought he was truly becoming a buddy. Anyway, he is seeming more edgy and hostile again. He won't do anything in terms of work around the house. He leaves for days at a time and refuses to call or text and let me know he's okay or what's up. I believe I am finally able to recognize that I have been "hustled". He knows I can't lock him out and he knows he can intimidate me with his volatile rage. I gave him a verbal 30 day notice last week and he is taking it out on me in spades. He pushes all of my buttons when he says, "yeah, you're really a great buddy, you said you wanted to help me out, WELL YOU ". I told him that he had to leave immediately and couldn't come back until he was willing to talk in a reasonable, adult manner. To my surprise, he raged into his room and packed a few items and left and slammed the door. About 15min later the doorbell rang and a cop was at the door. The officer said that I can't keep him out of the house and separate him from his belongings. Since he had not hit me or threatened assault, the officer just warned us both that "someone is going to jail if I get another call to this address tonight". He's not paying rent, he's not working or helping out and he treats me like he has hatred or contempt for me. Do I have any legal remedy? He was a former meth addict and has done time for possession. I have no proof but I worry that is what he does when he takes off for a couple of days. I am ashamed for myself and for believing this "kid" was different and that those talks in the hot tub and laughter on our vacation to FL were genuine. I am ashamed that I checked my brain at the door when this very handsome and charming man came into my life. I am in trouble. I fear for identity theft, I fear for property damage and I worry that men and women he "entertains" may be scoping out my place too. I am going to type out a written notice reiterating what I said in the verbal. Is there anything else I can to do get this horrible nightmare to end? Thanks for taking the time to read what must sound like a good script for a Lifetime Movie.

[ScottGem]

First, he is not a guest. Since there was an agreement for him to rental, he never was a guest. Even if he had been a guest initially, after 9 months he is no longer a guest. He is legally a resident and since there was an agreement to pay rent, he is legally a tenant. That's why the police told you, you can't kick him out.

Therefore, you need to treat him as a tenant. You need to go to your local housing court and find out the rules for eviction. Given your relationship and (I suspect) the lack of a written lease, I'm not sure you can use a pay or quit notice. So I would use a termination of tenancy.

Again local laws may differ, but generally you serve him a written notice to vacate within 30 days. If he has not left, then you go to court for an eviction order. There will be a hearing, but you will most likely get the order. If he still refuses to leave, then you hire a sheriff to remove him and his belongings.

There is one other factor here. If he gets abusive, especially physically, you can then go to court for an immediate restraining order against him. This will force him to have to move.

[cdad]

Id also like to add that this back and forth stuff has to stop right away. Next time your threatened or pushed proceed with it to its fullest and get a restraining order. He will have to leave right away as it would violate the restraining order.

[mnbear69]

First, he is not a guest. Since there was an agreement for him to rental, he never was a guest. Even if he had been a guest initially, after 9 months he is no longer a guest. He is legally a resident and since there was an agreement to pay rent, he is legally a tenant. That's why the police told you, you can't kick him out.

Therefore, you need to treat him as a tenant. You need to go to your local housing court and find out the rules for eviction. Given your relationship and (I suspect) the lack of a written lease, I'm not sure you can use a pay or quit notice. So I would use a termination of tenancy.

Again local laws may differ, but generally you serve him a written notice to vacate within 30 days. If he has not left, then you go to court for an eviction order. There will be a hearing, but you will most likely get the order. If he still refuses to leave, then you hire a sheriff to remove him and his belongings.

There is one other factor here. If he gets abusive, especially physically, you can then go to court for an immediate restraining order against him. This will force him to have to move.

Thanks much for taking the time to respond. I will try to find the right forms for Minnesota and get going on this. I thought perhaps the restraining order would be the safest and probably most effective way. Even if I get all in my denial and want to "try again" I don't think he'd risk violating the order and I'm certain the police would be justifiably upset. I try so hard to stay "mad" and keep my resolve! I think it's time for me to get some counseling or professional help. Thanks Again!

[ScottGem]

Yes, one issue with getting a restraining order is, if you violate it, the law may come down hard on you.

[dreamergirl]

Because many gay folks long for a good loving relationship (just like straight folks) we can get sucked into bad relationships that look good. Whether you are gay or straight has not so much to do with it as whether you are willing to be a punching b