[plasticbottles]

My boyfriend has been working at a strip club for the past 6 months and I simply cannot get over it. To be more specific he does not work inside but works the door. Never before in my life have I been forced to have constant contact with such a disgusting entity as a strip club. I have tried many many things to get over where he works and the fact that he is in constant contact with such people and "girls" is something I never ever want to have anyone I love associated with. I love him and I trust him unconditionally... but I can't get over it. His job is the variable that controls his entire life and thus has such a great impact over mine. (even though he refuses to hear that) He's left in me very sick in the ER to go to work and just recently he neglected my birthday. In addition to all this not allowed to speak about where he works to anyone or even talk about any aspect of my problem openly. I cannot even talk to my close friends about it for fear he'll find out. The last time that happened we didn't talk for a few days.
I have no idea what to do or how to get past where he works. I love him and I don't want it to do any damage to our relationship.

[sully123]

Plastic bottle I don't think he is the sweet person your making him out to be. He forgot your birthday, and left you in the ER. He doesn't sound like such a wonderful guy. He already has three red flags. That would be enough for me.

[Cat1864]

If his job has such a negative impact on YOUR life, then get out of the relationship.

How long ago was the ER incident, did he call anyone to stay with you when he had to leave?

How long were you dating before he got this job that you hate? If over a year, did he remember your birthday last year? It took my husband three years to get my birthday correct and don't even ask how long it took to get our anniversary right.

As for talking about where he works, what reason does he give for not wanting you to talk about where he works with other people?

[HistorianChick]

Unfortunately, you can't change him. People do what they want to do; no one can make anyone do what they don't want to do.

Obviously, he wants to work at the strip club. If you do not agree with him working there and if it turns your stomach, you must do something about it. You must remove yourself from the situation.

You have a choice to make: put up with it and accept it, or move on. That's all that I see you can do.

You can't make him quit, nor can you change his mind about it.

Nor should you. You shouldn't hold it over his head. You shouldn't say, "I'm going to leave you if you don't quit."

This is your decision - just as working there is his.

You don't like it, do something about it and move on.

[liz28]

Wow he won't talk about and then get upset when you talk to your friends about this. Then he got the balls to not to you. What in the world is his problem. I think you need to quit while you ahead because you can't change him but you can decision in being with him. It seems like there are others issues besides what he does for living and he it doesn't seems like he want to work on it to make things better between the two of you. You can do bad yourself and you shouldn't settle for less>>don't you agree?

[I wish]

He's got to follow his own path and but you need to follow your own path. You can't force him to alter his path, but being the only one to compromising makes it into a one-way relationship. If you can't find it in yourself to accept his job naturally, then the relationship will become forced and that's unhealthy. Sometimes only loving the other person isn't enough to make a relationship work. You also need some compatibility.

[davisa12806]

My boyfriend works at a strip bar too and I don't know what to do, it makes me sick. He has been there for about a year and the girls hug and kiss him on the cheek and call him mikey and etc. I can't stand it and I feel your pain.

[Devorameira]

You say you don’t trust him, but the only reasons you listed was that he worked at a club and there were girls there. Unless he’s actually cheated on you in the past, there’s no reason for you to let the “green-eyed monster” out.

Jealousy is actually a reflection of your own insecurity; It will kill your relationship unless you put an end to it before it becomes your disease. You know why, because jealous people tend to behave badly being misled by their fears – you start saying things you don’t mean and start having suspicious thoughts you actually believe in. Save your relationship by controlling your jealousy.

Love and trust go hand in hand. Don’t push your boyfriend away with your jealousy. If you know in your heart that your boyfriend is truly faithful, then it is just right that you trust him not to break your heart.

[Cat1864]

My boyfriend works at a strip bar too and I don't know what to do, it makes me sick. He has been there for about a year and the girls hug and kiss him on the cheek and call him mikey and ect. I can't stand it and I feel your pain.

If you want help specific to your situation, please start your own thread and give the details we need to be able to give you the advice that you need.

[Cat1864]

I hope the op comes back with more details. I think there is part of the story missing and maybe some exaggeration of what has been given.

[Fr_Chuck]

You say you can't tell anyone where he works, why, a strip club is not the CIA, he is a bouncer, and no real secret in life. As for as the type of people he works with, or customers, actually not as bad as the people lets say a police officer works with daily, drug dealers, hookers and worst.

The issue of him leaving you at the ER, is not his job, it is him, if he was a clerk at the grocrey store he would have done the same thing,

Strip clubs have several people and calling in sick is the same there as anywhere.

And take my word for this, the girls working there are not interested in the door guy, except to let him walk them to their car maybe to keep customers away.

Is he ashamed of where he works ? That is the only thought I have as why you can't tell anyone

[ohsohappy]

This isn't something you can just get over, and this guy sounds like a tool to me. I say just get out, he clearly doesn't respect you and I'll bet if you asked him to get another job (if you already haven't) then he would just say no or make up some excuse as to why he can't (If he already hasn't) Just get out.

[plasticbottles]

Wow. Thanks for the advice. (no sarcasm intended)
The thing is... I'm not exaggerating. I wish I were. I don't know any girl that has had their boyfriend work around other naked girls and was not even able to talk about it except anonymously online. (which has helped) He doesn't even allow me to speak to him about it. It takes a toll. If we didn't have a trip planned I think I would leave him. When we have talked about it huge fights erupt. And he tells me he only works there for the money and I'm not sure that I believe him and I know that sounds like I don't trust him but I can't even speak to a male professor or even a classmate of mine without him puffing up his chest and trying to scare them away. I'm in class every day and have work to do for almost 4 hours every night and if I even speak about what any of the "he"s I know said he won't speak to me for 5 minutes. I am also the one that cleans our apartment and makes dinner.
I know this all sounds really horrid... but I don't know what to do. Am I living with rose colored glasses and forgiving things when it comes to him... because it is him? It's only when he gets drunk that he admits he might not be treating me in the best ways.
It sounds like such a cluster. I know.
There is even more: like his mother being jealous me taking him away from her and his father resenting me because of the amount of money my parents have.
I feel so alone because no one believes ANY of this when I break the rules and try to tell them. They perceive us as a "perfect couple" whatever that means and think I'm just a jaded girl complaining about my solid relationship... a relationship that is actually on an unstable foundation.

[amicon]

He sounds very controlling and you sound very unhappy.
There seem to be a number of issues gone wrong here-not just your worries about his job.

As he more or less refuses to discuss anything, I would seriously advice you to ask yourself whether you should stay in this relationship.

[itsamor]

If he works the door you shouldn't worry, It's mostly men coming in there anyway (now maybe if it was a male strip club you could start worrying) xD

And strippers are nasty trolls.. you're better than them and I'm sure your boyfriend KNOWS that<3

[liz28]

Yes there are many thingd wrong here. Both of you have jealous ways and this is an easy way to sink a relationship. Without open communication and trust how do you expect this relationship to last or even grow? Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel especially when your partner isn't meeting you half way. I rather be alone than to live in misery.

[talaniman]

This is not about his job, but the way he treats you. Kick him to the curb, and get someone who cares if your happy and not tied to the porch like a dog!!

[ohsohappy]

You know, if you'd leave him if you weren't going on the trip, then forget the trip. Save your money and take a trip with friends, that shouldn't be the reason you stick around. The trip might not turn out well because you won't want to be with him in the first place, next to your self-esteem and emotions a trip can wait. Take care of you first. There can always be another trip, those are easier to work around.

[starcandi]

Oh my god we are in the same boat that's how I found this page I googled my boyfriend works at a club . How can we chat for I have nowone to talk to about this really.I know exactly how you feel its awful I dread every day when he has to work there althogh I trust him is he comparing me to these girls also how can it not affect him he's not a preist or gay , Im so distraught over this he's been there about 3 months .Would love to chat

[talaniman]

Or start your own thread, and then get some good feeback.