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Jake2008 · Jan 28, 2010, 03:51 AM

To Helpless- He ended up moving to the States to avoid the whole thing. He called last Christmas, and is still single, but still under a great deal of pressure from his mother. Once he hit his mid-30's, he wasn't as desirable apparently. I doubt he'll ever marry now, but I've met his mother, and she makes no bones about what she wants for him.

Now with the question with your man. He may truly believe that you just need more time, and he's giving that to you, thinking that you will think things over, and come around.

Like bigNavySeal said, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. He will eventually have to listen.

helpless92 · Jan 28, 2010, 06:28 AM

To bigNavySeal: Ever since I told him that I can't go ahead with it 2 days ago, I haven't had any contact from him. Honestly I don't mind but I just want to know what he's thinking so to answer whether the engagement is off or not I have no idea. What I meant is that what if when he does talk to me he still feels that maybe I should wait for my feelings to come. Maybe he doesn't want to break it off cause it didn't seem like he wanted to. I do of course but what if he says to stick with it and that's that.

helpless92 · Jan 29, 2010, 10:00 AM

Last night I found out that the guy told his parents everything I said. He was told to block me which is why he wouldn't come online. My father was called up last night and he was told of what all I said to the guy. My dad apparently told me that there's nothing which can be done now and that I have to go ahead with this no matter what and it's done now and nothing can be changed. So despite the boy and his family knowing that I'm not happy and I don't want to go ahead with it they still don't want to break it off! I feel so helpless- my life is really over :'(
I just don't understand how someone can be so insensitive and not see what I want. Knowing I'm not happy the guy still wants to go ahead with it. Being forced like this I know now fr sure I can never be happy with him!

thisisit · Jan 29, 2010, 10:04 AM

I'm very sorry.

helpless92 · Jan 29, 2010, 10:28 AM

Me too.

Jake2008 · Jan 29, 2010, 12:49 PM

Very sad. Good luck.

321543 · Jan 29, 2010, 03:03 PM

First, after traveling many countries, I know this is done.

Knowing what culture would help us help you.

Although I have read many good suggestions, that would work in the US, may not work in your cuture.

Gemini54 · Jan 29, 2010, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by helpless92

Last night i found out that the guy told his parents everything i said. He was told to block me which is why he wouldnt come online. My father was called up last night and he was told of what all i said to the guy. My dad apparently told me that there's nothing which can be done now and that i have to go ahead with this no matter what and it's done now and nothing can be changed. So despite the boy and his family knowing that i'm not happy and i dont want to go ahead with it they still don't want to break it off!! i feel so helpless- my life is really over :'(
i just dont understand how someone can be so insensitive and not see wat i want. knowing im not happy the guy still wants to go ahead with it. being forced like this i know now fr sure i can never be happy with him!

And now he's not talking to you? What does he expect that your marriage will be like?

What if you refuse to participate in any of the wedding preparations?

What if you refuse to consummate the marriage?

helpless92 · Jan 30, 2010, 03:10 AM

No he is now but he's still wanting to go ahead with it. Honestly I don't think refusing anything now will help me at all. This isn't something I want obviously but what other choice do I have? :(
I keep getting this feeling in my heart that it's over between him and me but I don't know. Everything is just a mess. I know for sure that being forced into it like this, the guy not bothered about the fact that I'm unhappy will never let me get feelings for him now no matter what.

Jake2008 · Jan 30, 2010, 03:15 AM

Honestly I don't think refusing anything now will help me at all. This isn't something I want obviously but what other choice do I have?

I think that you have decided you will do what is expected of you, no matter how you feel.

I don't know what other advice can help you now, that hasn't been said.

Gemini54 · Jan 30, 2010, 06:51 PM

Honestly I don't think refusing anything now will help me at all. This isn't something I want obviously but what other choice do I have?

I really do feel for you, it's an awful and unhappy situation to be in.

All you can do at this stage is continue to repeat what you've already told them.

Of course you must do what is easiest for you. My choice would be to rebel or fight. Your choice may be to do what is expected of you.

helpless92 · Jan 31, 2010, 08:45 AM

I want to fight too :(
I've tried to leave this up to God now, just praying to him and everything. I just hope the guy realises that there's no chance for us anymore. Breaking any engagement is hard but it would be harder if it continued and turned out to be unsuccessful later on. :(
I don't know how to make him understand without him running off to tell his parents everything and then getting the whole family involved like he did the last time :(

thisisit · Jan 31, 2010, 08:55 AM

You may have to use what I call the broken record technique. Just keep repeating yourself each time the subject comes up. You might want to add that because you value yourself, in addition to not wanting to marry this man, you will never have loving feelings towards him because he does not value your wishes. In addition, you are quickly learning that your parents do not value your wishes and that it will become increasingly hard for you to love them, as they don't care about your happiness either.

Who cares if the whole family has to hear about it and get involved. Do you think you are the only one that should have to suffer? They have made a choice for you, THEY should have some of the responsibility for taking the choice away from you. Knowing how unhappy you are about it, and how much you do not want to marry this man is something they SHOULD know about. They should not get to make this choice for you and go about their lives as though everything is as it should be!

bigNavySeal · Feb 2, 2010, 10:09 PM

Hi Helpless92 :) Any information from your side? Any good news or chance in attitudes?

helpless92 · Feb 3, 2010, 01:26 AM

hii.. no I'm afraid not.things are still the same, nothing's changed at all. The guy is still the same, behaving as though nothings changed =/
and I'm feeling worse day by day :(