[beanz86]

Hi, I am in a serious relationship with my partner we have two beautiful children togeather, we have been togeather for 6 years and his temper is getting worse, I understand I am difficult to be with as I have mental health problems but his angry is awful it started small and now he punches walls doors etc, I can ask him questions and he will start shouting, if the kids do something he doesn't like he starts bawling and shouting at them for example our daughter who is 5 takes a while to get dressed or eat her meals and he looses his temper at her I have tried to confront him about his temper but just refuses to admit it is a problem, what do I do I'm all out of ideas??

[jaime90]

You could make a statement. When someone has a temper and gets violent around you, you can't just timidly ask them to stop. When he gets angry, ask him what you have done to offend him (don't blame him, or he will get defensive.) The next time he gets angry and throws a tantrum, tell him that he needs to leave and cool down. If he refuses, tell him that you and the kids are going to leave for a little while, and ask him to call or text when he's not so angry. Make it clear that you are not breaking up with him, you're just giving him some space to settle. If you do this, you are making it clear that he has a problem that you cannot deal with. Eventually, he may even recognize this himself. If he gets violent towards you or the kids, it would be a good idea to go to a counselor, or therapist to get some help.

[Devorameira]

And you're with him WHY?

What exactly does he do to enhance your life?

I'm not the least bit surprised this is getting you down, I certainly don't think you're over reacting - this is not healthy!

I bet he’s a Jekyll & Hyde character isn't he? Is he verbally abusive and destructive one minute then apologetic the next? I think you'd be very wise to consider what the future holds for you with this guy - if I was a betting woman I'd say it's odds-on that he'll be kicking you instead of the furniture before too long.

My advice? Get rid of him before it gets any worse - and it WILL get worse unless you do something about it. For heaven's sake don't say you can't do that 'because you love him' - you can't possibly love someone that behaves this way towards you and those innocent children!

[CarrotTalker]

He needs therapy and fast.

He will not change until he overcomes whatever underlying issue is causing his anger.

My father had anger issues, went to therapy for about a month, would fake behave better, then would go on rampages again. He did this for years.

[Fr_Chuck]

You need to get you and the kids out of that house NOW, even if that is a shelter. Then he can take anger management and get counseling while you are safe, Then after 6 months or more and not being angry, you can consider getting back together.

It may be a child's face not a wall next time

[Romefalls19]

You need to get out! Chuck is right, this is a timebomb waiting to explode. Think about your kids

[amicon]

His violence is escalating.
Time to leave.
You must put the safety of your children first.

Find your nearest domestic violence helpline,call them and let them help you.
This man's not going to change his behaviour for anything but the worse.

Stay safe-leave him.

[talaniman]

He has anger issues and needs help, and the best way you can help him is to leave. His behavior is not only unacceptable, but dangerous to you and your children.

He is a poor example to them also, so leave.

[beanz86]

thank you all for your comments and suggestions, it's a hard situation to be in as when he is calm he is the best dad n partner anyone could ask for think I really need to think about what I'm going to do as u all said for the kids sake as they are my main priority, thank you all will keep you posted x x

[talaniman]

Wolf man was a nice guy too, until a full moon made his fangs come out.

[jmjoseph]

hi, i am in a serious relationship with my partner we have two beautiful children togeather, we have been togeather for 6 years and his temper is getting worse, i understand i am difficult to be with as i have mental health problems but his angry is awful it started small n now he punches walls doors ect, i can ask him questions and he wil jus start shouting, if the kids do something he doesnt like he starts bawling n shouting at them for example our daughter who is 5 takes a while to get dressed or eat her meals n he looses his temper at her i have tried to confront him about his temper but just refuses to admit it is a problem, what do i do im all out of ideas ???????

You have validated his violent behavior by accepting the blame. That needs to stop now. People in love, and especially parents, should behave with respect and patience.

He should PROTECT you and your children, not be the aggressor.

"walls, door,ect..." is the "etc" you and your kids? Has he hit you? The kids? It's a matter of time before he does. Problems like these usually get worse before they get better.

Does he drink? Is he under a lot of stress? What are his excuses for acting this way? Lame I'm sure.

You have to ask yourself if the good outweighs the bad. You can have a dog that is good most of the time, but if it bites you on occasion...

He needs to get into anger management classes, and you and the kids into counseling. The children need to understand that they can feel safe in their own home. You all do.

Ask him how he would react if someone else treated you and the children the way that he does.

You have some difficult decisions to make.

Don't let him love you to death.

May God keep you safe from harm.

[leccaa]

Are you sure it is You who has the mental health problems or are they his problems displaced onto you??
Really not fair for the kids though, they risk growing up either frightened, with low self-esteem or violent... what choices?
He is making you and your whole family suffer for HIS problem.

Takes a real 'big' man to shout at a fragile woman and a 5 year old... NOT!