[RobinBoston]

Good advice - I also know in my head that when I deny and then ignore her requests to hang out (which probably is to be friends/string me along even more) - the contact will probably stop for good. And although that is what I need and realize is what is necessary for me to move on - it is a horrible feeling right now.

[amicon]

These feelings will go away-it's one day at the time at this stage,but it gets better.
Keep your mind focused on the end goal-NC to heal from the breakup.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks for your help today guys - Today was a rough day with the contact on her end but I made it through the pain of getting her texts and now feel OK and in control again. I am going out with the guys tonight for a few drinks and going to enjoy myself.

I will continue to update as you guys are great in getting me through this. I am feeling positive again that this is the right move and I am on my way to healing and leading a better life :)

[emopunk7]

Great job! We are rooting for you! Tell us about the great times you have been having!

[RobinBoston]

Ok well quick update on how I am feeling right now - I am in a much better mindstate right now. Yesterday was a rough day because I got messages from her asking to hang out and telling me she misses hanging out with me. I got weak and broke NC by responding, though declining the invitation.

The good news is. That breaking NC yesterday made me realize that it was only hurtful to my progress. The contact back just made me have more questions and be more upset. Today I am angry at myself for answering her. Which I guess is a good thing. I will not answer her anymore if she tries me. I am part of the usual group of dumpees that broke NC, but now I would like to be the one who learned his lesson and sticks to it.

Thanks for your help guys!

[amicon]

Now you have learnt that lesson.
Tomorrow's another day.
NC all the way.

[Newguy2009]

The good news is. That breaking NC yesterday made me realize that it was only hurtful to my progress. The contact back just made me have more questions and be more upset.

Its great that you have come to this realization! It's the first step. Think about it Every time you get an urge because every time you make contact you reset the pain. Thinking about this helps as a deterent, at least it does for me.

[RobinBoston]

Update - Today is day 4 of STRICT no contact. It was a rough last day and a half - but I have survived so far. Last night my friend told me he saw my ex out at a place that I usually go, but luckily was not there last night. She doesn't usually go there and it was surprising because she knew I might be there. She texted me at 2am asking if I was out. I was out somewhere else but didn't respond and had a great night.

Today, She has texted me twice and tried to call me also twice throughout the day. I have ignored everything. This is the first time I have not responded to a full day of repeated contact. It feels weird and I obviously am dying to respond, but I am staying firm. I am going out again tonight with a friend, somewhere she will definitely not be.

Needed to vent and keep up the NC!

[I wish]

Vent away. Sounds like you're doing great. If you ever feel tempted to contact her, just come here.

Furthermore, I suggest that you not get updates from your friends, so that you don't need to think about her.

Finally, I also suggest that you delete her text messages before even reading them. More power to you.

[amicon]

You're doing very well.
Stick to it.
If she keeps contacting you, I suggest you change your number.

[RobinBoston]

HELP... Update (5th day of strict NC) - Well I made it through the weekend, but it was far from easy. My strict NC got a HUGE rise out of my ex. She called/texted me well over 10 times in the past 2 days. I was strong and did not answer her once! She obviously persisted because this is the first time I have totally ignored her for a decent period and she was confused.

The problem was that I feel like crap now. I read the text messages she wrote (I was not strong enough to delete w/o looking, nor did I truly want to do that yet). She was writing how she missed me and asked why I was ignoring her and she didn't get it. She didn't leave any voicemails.

I know that I am moving on and that is the point of this NC and this thread, and I AM doing well since I started NC no matter how hard - BUT honestly, I sooo badly wanted to answer one of her calls or text her back to see if she felt any different or why the sudden interest. Please tell me that her contact was just due to me ignoring and to continue to ignore is the right thing!

This really got my feelings going again and I feel miserable. My heart wants her back so bad but my head knows that I should continue to heal and move on. I am much better now than I was 2 weeks ago or so, but these past 2 days were hard. Please reassure me that ignoring is the right way to go, and that if she TRULY wants to change something between us that she still could even if I am ignoring.

Thanks

[kctiger]

Think of her as a puppy. She continues her bad behavior until you just ignore her, otherwise, if you react, you will only encourage and justify her behavior to her.

You did awesome. You are VERY strong, a lot stronger than I was at your point. Well done, WELL done!!

[RobinBoston]

Thanks KC - To get through the weekend I just kept telling myself how bad I felt last time I answered her texts. It got me nowhere and left me more confused. Also, if she had something very important or different to say (I,e, "I made a huge mistake and want you back") that she would find a way to tell me (like leave a voicemail) Do you agree?

I know this is just more of a game on her end and since I continue to think that I know I did the right thing. It's just hard because I am a very nice and standup guy and to ignore someone I care about is so abnormal to me.

[kctiger]

I agree. If she wants you bad enough, she will come get you. You continue to be strong. You get an A in my book man! I am truly proud of yourself control.

[amicon]

Don't buy into the gameplaying.

Here is a mantra for you:
Delete without reading and ignore.

[mistyjane]

OK Robin. I'm also on NC with my ex right now and I'd like to help others.
I have a question: do you really want to forget her?Not that I'm doubting but you know sometimes when you really love someone you say you want to forget him or her but truth is you secretly want him or her back.Does it please you to see she is calling you over and over?When she will stop how will you feel?
I think you should do a huge work on yourself to answer those questions.
Before everything, it is really important for you to understand and admitt she is part of the past not the future. So then you'll be able to live your life.

[RobinBoston]

Misty - Well I definitely have those feelings inside often, that I want her back and miss everything we had. But now I am smart enough to see that this is not a realistic option anymore. I want to forget about her and move on because I have to. When I see her calls I do get excited. But I think clearly and realize that her agenda in the calls is not to get back together. This allows me to ignore her. I also WILL probably be upset when she stops calling. What do you suggest to help me move on better. It has only been three weeks since our breakup.

[mistyjane]

Oh! You know I'm not an example I broke up with my ex like 2 weeks ago I'm also on NC like I said but before we used to break up then make up... I regret it and I don't want it to happen to you. What really helps me is that I definitely stopped thinking it could work again or he could change. I changed he didn't.So please don't talk to her anymore take time.Take a break from her. Think that you can't change what is already done.LOVE YOURSELF.that's what I'm trying to do.

[RobinBoston]

Well after ignoring her 10+ calls/messages yesterday - it resulted in 0 contact in any form today. I didn't realize how much it would hurt. I guess I really did enjoy getting the attention from her for the last few days and now feel rejected again. The truth is I think I do want to move on and am doing the no contact but I guess in the back of my mind I was doing the NC partly as a way to make her miss me too. When it kind of worked (her messaging me) I kept the NC going and now she stopped the attention. I keep questioning if I should have answered one time and explained my feelings(clearly that would have broke NC).

Please tell me that this simple ignoring I was doing was the right move and had no actual effect on the big situation. I have these weird thoughts that she was starting to think things through and the continuous ignoring her made her pissed off and say forget him. Somebody please ground me and tell me that this all means nothing and she is playing games!!

I know this NC IS the right thing and I must know inside because I would have never been able to ignore so much if I didn't.

Sorry big vent - It's a real bad day, I am thinking a lot today even though I have kept busy. I am really hurting am truly wondering if I have been doing this right.

[CarrotTalker]

Please tell me that this simple ignoring I was doing was the right move and had no actual effect on the big situation. I have these weird thoughts that she was starting to think things through and the continuous ignoring her made her pissed off and say forget him. Somebody please ground me and tell me that this all means nothing and she is playing games!!!

If she gave up that easily on you and got "pissed off and said forget him". Is that someone you really want in your life?

If she meant it, she would have communicated about it better.