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lostnhurt · Jan 25, 2010, 03:21 PM

Threads merged

My exwife and I recently got back togeother after being apart for 12 years with little to no contact with each other and when we bump in to eahother we started talking and all of a sudden all our feelings for each other came rushing out, in the two months we have been back togeother she has had calls form her ex boyfriends and I got jealous I am not a violent person so there was none! But I did give her the cold shoulder even though she told me about the call it happened two time and now she told me she is just going day to day, but she seems like she doesn't want anything to do with me no more I love you no more kisses unless I initiate the kiss, what should I do, I moved out and told her I was moving out not to end us but to give us a fresh start was I rite or wrong to do this,

amicon · Jan 25, 2010, 04:02 PM

Unless you and your ex talk about your problems and work -through honest communications to get to a point where you can sort out your differences and reestablish a relationship I see no point in trying to get back together.

emopunk7 · Jan 25, 2010, 04:23 PM

As you may well know, if it didn't work once, it will not work again. Keep moving on.

lostnhurt · Jan 25, 2010, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

Unless you and your ex talk about your problems and work -through honest communications to get to a a point where you can sort out your differences and reestablish a relationship I see no point in trying to get back together.

I just sent her a text message and this is what I said to her to remind her of why I moved out "NOT TO END US BUT TO GIVE US A FRESH START"... Sweetheart I miss you so much WILL YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR BEING A JEALOUS IDIOT? AND GIVE ME ONE ABSOLUTE FINAL CHANCE TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! AND THAT I ONLY MOVED OUT TO GIVE US A FRESH START!
She sent me a reply and said that she will not have anyone live with her right now and I could call her later she is in the middle of cooking dinner. So the line of commuincation is now open. So is it safe for me to think that there is still hope to save our relationship?

emopunk7 · Jan 25, 2010, 04:56 PM

When you call her, find out and you let us know her answer.

lostnhurt · Jan 25, 2010, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

When you call her, find out and you let us know her answer.

I just got off the phone with her and she said rite now she isn't thinking about anything other than work and reminded me of one thing I said the night before I left when I told her I was moving out to so we can make a fresh start, and I also said "not meaning it the way i said it " I know there is some one out there for me and for you somewhere, what I meant to say is I know there is no one out there for me but "you and me for "you"
Trying to reassure her that I wasn't leaving her. Just trying to give her space and I didn't know any other way to show her I trust her after getting jealous than to move out. Also I just moved out Sunday morning so she rally hasn't had time to think much about us.

lostnhurt · Jan 25, 2010, 05:59 PM

I should also state that I have never been a jealous person in my life and she knows that I wasn't the jealous type from our first meeting each other and all through our marriage, it's just that after all the years of being apart and getting back togeother I just didn't know how to handle my jealousy its new to me. I felt our relathionship was threatened even though she was open and honest with letting me know her ex boyfriend called her.

vanheart · Jan 25, 2010, 08:39 PM

Yo, man. Its been 12 years. Lots of things happen.

Sounds like you are rushing.

Why are you doing this anyway? Is it right? You both want it or is it just you?

Look at why it didn't work before. See if those things are mutual.

Talk. See where she's at.

lostnhurt · Jan 26, 2010, 12:16 PM

Update I just got a call out of the blue from my exwife/girlfriend, I answerd and she said hello and I said what's up are you OK? And she said "yes i have about 20 minutes in between appointments"(she is a RN) so she called. (made me happy) it felt good to talk to her we didn't talk about anything but our jobs and the weather and the children, it was hard for me to resist the urge to ask her where we stood but I did it, I thought if she is calling me there must be some hope and I shouldn't push the issue. She seemed sad.

amicon · Jan 26, 2010, 12:32 PM

So ask her to meet up and discuss matters.

lostnhurt · Jan 26, 2010, 12:47 PM

I will at some point and as sad as I am about being apart, I really want to wait and be absolutely sure she is ready to talk about our future, I don't want her to feel any pressure or stress from me, she has opened the line of communication and for now that is all I can truthfully say I deserve at this point for getting jealous over nothing as its turned out! She is a very trusting and caring person and with her calling me that really meens a lot to me! I will keep you posted as we go along. Amicon I wish to extend a world of thank's to you ! Again I will keep you up to date! THANK YOU!!

vanheart · Jan 26, 2010, 12:48 PM

You are doing the right thing.

lostnhurt · Jan 27, 2010, 05:42 PM

Why does NC for woman seem so easy to do yet for men it's a hard thing to do ?

talaniman · Jan 27, 2010, 05:56 PM

That's not true at all. Just read some of the stories here, and you will see that NC is hard for everyone that has to go through it.

J. Sparks · Jan 27, 2010, 08:56 PM

It's easier for the dumper, because he/she has been contemplating leaving for some time already. The dumpee is in shock and starts the grieving process later.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Jan 27, 2010, 09:09 PM

Its hard for us all, but its easier when one person has moved on... women in my opinion are more open to jump into rebound relationships and therefore have the rebound to occupy their time therefore not breaking NC with you

Trust me stick to the advice and search out there for new people as friends or possible love or dating interests... it is a big world out there trust me I know...

amicon · Jan 28, 2010, 12:23 AM

I disagree with your opinion as I think men are equally prone to rebound-I would say it comes down to each person's level of maturity and selfunderstanding.

Some people think getting over an ex is best achieved by jumping into a new relationship,others realise that unless you have healed completely from a breakup,a new relationship will almost certainly backfire.

Back to the question, NC is as hard on women as it is on men.

It's mostly easier for the dumper,as they have had time to come to terms with the relationship being over before ending it.

emopunk7 · Jan 28, 2010, 02:27 AM

It's only easier for the dumper and that's because they have been wanting to get out for some time. Women and Men go through the same emotional feelings and hurt just as much. If you are in pain, just hang in there and stay active. Everything will be okay. Time to get busy.

I wish · Jan 28, 2010, 07:58 AM

It depends on the person, not the gender.

It also depends on who's the dumpor and who's the dumpee.

bswc · Jan 28, 2010, 09:19 AM

Its not true, maybe when most of the time a girl get dumped, they have lots of female friends to help them recover in any sort of ways, either good or bad. Male however, isn't that of the case *most