[jakester]

jenniepepsie - first off, I just want to say that I empathize for you because I know firsthand how painful a divorce can be. I know that you are pondering your future and the possibilities of a future with someone else but I would also just encourage you to reflect on this situation and try to become wiser as a result of it. What can you learn from this experience? Did you see some of the issues you dealt with in your marriage coming early on and could you detect potential issues in a relationship the next time around? I'll I am saying is that we all have to grow in many ways and learn from the decisions we make.

Like you, I struggled with those same questions. Many people I know had very strong opinions about divorce and remarriage and many of them said you can't do it. Somehow, I couldn't make sense of that given what I know of God in other areas of life.

As a practical matter, the divorce provision was given in the Old Testament because of the hardness of the human heart. Moses understood that sometimes people are hard-hearted and destroy their marriage commitment. What would be the benefit of staying married when the marriage had become so terribly broken? This is why I believe Moses gave that divorce provision so that the two should go their separate ways... the marriage was over.

But it was always understood that divorce was not something to be used liberally. However, in the days of Jesus, the Pharisees had become very petty in their dealings with their wives. They would find loopholes to divorce their wives so that they still appeared godly. When you get to Matthew 19, there is this interchange between Jesus and the Pharisees. They were attempting to trap him in this discussion about marriage and divorce. Notice that they ask him "is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?" They practiced divorce for any cause but they were good at justifying it. So they ask Jesus if it were lawful. He responds by saying that God made man and woman in the beginning and it was never his intention that they be separated. So they then ask him why Moses permitted divorce. He responds by saying "because of the hardness of your heart." I think this part is the crux of his other statement, "whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” To me, what I really understand Jesus to be saying is that unless you have very good reason to divorce your spouse, why on earth are you divorcing? This is not an exhaustive list of reasons Jesus is giving for divorce. I believe he is simply arguing in the context of this conversation for divorce to be a matter of serious circumstances. People should not divorce for petty and superficial reasons...it should be a last resort and for good reason.

I believe that Paul is in harmony with this as well according to 1 Corinthians 7:11. He says that "the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." So what is he talking about here? Well, he doesn't go into great detail about what he means but I presume that the situation he is speaking into is a woman or man who divorces for petty reasons (he uses the word "separate" but it means the same thing). Paul's real admonition is that a genuine believer should understand God's heart on the importance of the marriage commitment and if someone decides to leave for no apparent significant issue, Paul's word to that person is that he/she is not free to remarry because there is a commitment that has been left on the table. Presumably, Paul is getting at something profound in that perhaps in the span of time the person is separated, he/she will come to see the error of his/her ways and return to his/her spouse.

But in a situation where there is violence, marital infidelity, and similarly damaging conflict in a marriage, God has called people to peace. Sometimes there is more peace when two people go their own ways. It is always a tragedy but it is reality.

My friend, my only advice to you is that you take your time. Pray to God for wisdom. What sort of person ought you to be looking for in the future? God is good... he is gracious. He wants us to grow up and learn to be people who value wisdom and making decisions that impact our lives. We are not perfect and we will never get it all right. But we need to strive to that end. I hope that during this time you seek the comfort of people you can trust and the wisdom of people you know care about the things of God.

[arcura]

jenniepepsi,
My suggestion is that you do try to reconcile your God Blessed marriage.
Perhaps a marriage counselor could be of help.
Many marriages have rocky roads in the early years but they smooth out after time passes.
I hope and pray that yours does also.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

[med_josef]

thanks clough.
i was also thinking, at least in my opinion, that God is NOT the heartless god that some make him out to be. if i accedently got married to the man god did NOT want for me, and divorced, and married the man god DID want for me...would he not forgive the first marriage?
i just dont think he would be so angry with someone over something like that you know?

thanks for those sites :)

Gen 2:22-24... Malichi 2:15, 16... Romans 7:2,3... 1Corinthians 6:9-11... This is not a sin that can't be forgiven, but one must be trully repentant for committing it, and have faith in the ransom sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Just as if we were pieces in a musuem, we should strive to be spotless, and not contradict and bring reproach on God's name. (Psalms 83:18) (Exodus 6:3)

[arcura]

med_josef,
Yes, your bible quote is one of many that tells us how forgiving God is and how to be forgiven.
We should always remember that God forgive us in the same manner we forgive others.
Also Jesus tells us that those who do not forgive will not be forgiven.
Peace and kindness,
Fred