[la_ali]

My boyfriend and I have been together now for almost two years, with a three month break in between due to his dishonesty with me and a few cheating incidences. When we first started dating I fell so hard for him, to me he was everything I wanted in a guy. He's a nice, christian, smart, goal oriented guy and that's exactly what I fell for. I never thought he would be the cheating dishonest person he turned out to be. After three months of being together I was hanging out with one of my close girl friends when she told me that his ex girl friend told her sister that she had sex with my boyfriend.. when she told me this I was shocked I couldn't believe he would ever do that to me and when I confronted him about it he told me "babe, its not true. i love you soo much you know i would never do that to you. she's only doing that to make you break up with me" and just telling me everything I needed to here to make me believe him. Well that was over with and things were back to our amazing relationship when a couple months later I get I text from a number I didn't recognize.. it was his ex.. she told me alex, this has been on my mind for a long time now andi just feel like you have the right to know.. a few months ago my parents were out of town and tanner came over and we had sex. I'm really sorry. I know exactly how you feel because he cheated on me to.. I was stupid and I'm really sorry.. when I got that text I called her to talk to her about everything she was super nice about it and told me everything. I asked my boyfriend to come over so we could talk about things and he cried, and told me how sorry he was, and how much I meant to him, and how stupid he was and that he would never ever do anything to jeapordize our relationship again, and that he would do anyyything if I would just give him one more chance.. so I fell into his words and his crying and said okay one more chance because I love him so much. Well yeah he changed and things were better than they've ever been. A few months went by and little things started happening like I would see him texting other girls, IMing other girls on Facebook and myspace, and that turned into from being simple conversations intense conversations.. for instance, we were on the phone one night and he was just being sweet telling me how he loved me and wished I was with him, and whiiile I'm talking to him on the phone I'm reading this conversation his having with another girl at the same time asking her is she would get on web cam with him and play.. well you know what I'm about to say.. and when I confronted him about it he got mad at me and turned it around on me saying I was over reacting and it wasn't like that at all while I'm reading everything he's telling her. After that and a few more incidences like that I started to feel insecure about our relationship, afraid of losing him, afraid that I was doing something wrong. Well one day I was looking at his phone again talking to another girl and I had finally had enough but I just didn't want to break up with him I was afraid of losing him so I started to pray for our relationship, I asked God to just give me a sign.. that if I should break up with him and end things for good to just give me a sign and if I should just have faith that everything would get better and he's grow up and treat me better to just give me a sign to hang on. Well one day we had made plans together to go to san antonio with his family to some swimming party with his whole family well I ended up not being able to go and he was just like its okay babe I'll see you later tonight when I get home. So while "he was in san antonio with his family" I went to a friends house and while I was there I just got this gut feeling he was lying.. that he never went to san antonio.. so on my way home I decided to drive by his friends house, I know it sounds obsessive but I knew something was wrong, well when I drove by he was on the hood of his truck drinking beer.. there was a girl sitting next to him and he had his hand on his thigh. I kept driving and he had no clue. About ten minutes later her texted me and said "hey babe, im almost home you can come over now. love you." I get there and I was like how was san antonio and he said it was fun, but I wish you could have gone.. I missed you. A laughed and said you mean you had fun at cory's house? And he was just speachless I had once again caught him in a lie.. the last lie.. and I knew I needed to end things, so I did. It was so hard and I still loved him so much.. months went on and we didn't go a day without texting each other he went off to college and still texted and talked on a daily basis.. well I'm going to the same college he is at now and he wants to get back together even after everything I still love him so much and want to be with him too but I'm afraid of how he hurt me in the past that he'll do it again. He says he's changed and he wants me and no one else.. but then again that's what he said last time before he cheated on me again. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should take him back.. I want to but I just don't know that I should.. but if I don't give him that one more chance I'm afraid that he really has changed and that I'd regret not taking him back and giving him that ooone more chance. What to do, what to do?

[Jake2008]

I think it is a mistake to accept him back on blind faith.

Anybody can say they've changed, and say that they'll never cheat again, and make all kinds of promises.

But, change is not that easy, and talk is cheap.

Life also has a way of giving you these challenges so that you can experience right from wrong, learn from your mistakes, and make better judgments about people (men) in the future.

Sometimes it is just over. You may love him all of your life, but love is just not enough. All the love in the world will not change a person.

I think you have been stung enough times to realize that it is more probable than not that it will happen again, and you will go around that mulberry bush again.

Part of growing up is having the maturity and insight to see things the way they are; then make a call, and move on.

I understand you wanting him back, but not his ways. He is a package deal, what he has done to you is because of who he is. He's had plenty of opportunity to put his money where his mouth is.

I would hate to see you waste more time on a person who can probably never love anybody truly.

[amicon]

I wouldn't take him back.
His actions speak louder than words.
Save yourself further heartbreak and don't give him another chance.

[Romefalls19]

Amicon s right, actions speak louder than words. Keep him far away from your life

[mmallor]

Hey sweety... to be honest, I was in the same situation as you up until a few weeks ago.
Listen, its going to be hard but please let him go...
There's a saying that goes "its possible for two people to be in love, but that doesnt mean they should be together".

Long story short, with my boyfriend, I met him in January 2008. We were together until April 2008 and then I left him because was always going around kissing every single girl he met.
In August 2008 we got back together, up until December 2009. He cheated and he cheated. He would get on his knees and beg and cry to have me back. I know he loves me because the times when I needed him, he was there for me.
But look, I'm here for you and just know that I'm going through this too and we both need to be strong. I'm 19 years old, I was with him for exactly 2 years. He's been cheating since I met him, he cheated while we broke up, and he got a girl right afterwards.
U need to understand that you have to give your boyfriend space to miss u. if he knows that your always going to be there for him, then yes he will cheat.
U need to stand up for yourself and cut him out of your life for good. When he realizes "oh she's gone", then he'll beg and plead to have you back.
I know you already tried that and you guys are close now but don't give in.. make him want you so bad that he spends time alone missing u.
U know what the right thing to do is, just leave him. Your not giving yourself time to find a new guy. I feel like the advice I'm givving you I'm also giving myself because I'm in the same situation.
Its best that you don't get back with him.. I mean really.. if you don't plan on marrying him then don't continue the relationship.
U should hang out with friends and study and keep yourself occupied without him and the gap you have in your life will be gone.
Its okay to accept that you love him, just don't let it take over your life. Love is just a feeling, its an emotion, a phase, a state of mind.. it comes and goes. You really truly deserve someone better. You won't ever find him unless you go looking for him. Or you know what, tell your boyfriend you cheated on him and see how he reacts. But don't actually do it of course (like I did.. trust me not a good idea -_-, revenge is never good). I really do wish you the best of luck. If you want to keep in touch or if you need someone to talk to, just email me at >personal information deleted to protect poster, take care and good luck. Just be strong.

[talaniman]

Cheaters are easy to love, and they love you, as well as others, and that only hurts.