[ajw144]

Hi everyone,

A few days ago, my girlfriend of 2.5 years brought it upon me rather suddenly that she no longer had romantic feelings for me, but that she still loved me as a person and wanted to remain friends. She said she'd been feeling this way for a while and, though I did notice her being more distant, I attributed it to her being stressed from work and school. She says she's been thinking about the future and that she doesn't see what's she looking for in me, and that she couldn't ask me to change for her because that wouldn't be fair to me. Personally, I say let me decide what's fair to me. Also, she's mentioned that basically since we started dating, we'd been living the same life and she wanted to worry about "me" instead of "we" for a while, which I can absolutely agree with but during the relationship it seemed like that's what she wanted.
I've tried not to burn any bridges here, because I know that without her as a friend I really doubt there's any chance we might be able to get back together. I also fear a life without her, but I don't know if I can be "just friends" with this girl. Right now, I'm giving her space... I don't want to try to talk to her and push her away more, but I find I'm having extreme difficulty dealing with everyday life now. I guess I became jaded to the fact that she was quite literally my everything, and I may have started to take having her around for granted near the end. I'm also making some positive changes in my life; I'm quitting smoking (4 days now), I'm losing the weight that I told her I would and never followed through on, I'm really working on my jealousy issues, and just in general I'm trying to clean up my personal life which was left to go stagnant while we were dating.
There is a guy at work that she had been texting a lot, even during our time together (and during social outings, etc), and she says they're just friends. All of her friends think something might be going on though, or at least he's filling her head with ideas that she should be single and experiencing new things instead of being tied down. But if she says they're just friends I do believe her. Any thoughts on this in particular? I could really use any advice you all can offer.

[redhed35]

Feelings change,she wants out and there is nothing you can do to make her want you of love you.

It's a harsh reality,but it's the truth.

Its good that you are improving your health,but do it for you,not anyone else,it won't change her mind.

As hard as it is right now,you need to try and accept that the relationship is over,and learn that you never rely on anyone else for your own happiness.

A relationship should enhance your life,not be your life.

If you read the stickies at the top of the relationship thread there are loads of posts that you might be able to relate to.

Keeping doing no contact,it's the most quick route to healing and moving on with your life.

[amicon]

Redhed'advice is excellent.
I can only add,don't sit around overthinking her actions-concentrate on your plans for improving yourself.
Good luck.

[Romefalls19]

First thing, I hope you're seeing a counselor for your jealousy because tackling that problem alone will not work, I know from experience.
Second, work on yourself, for yourself. If you do it for other people it will never stick. Go NC and start living your life without her in it.