[questions333]

Hello,
My son has been in my sole care since he turned one. His father and I were never married. He did see him sporadically for a few years. I re-married and my Husband and I moved out of state. Right before we moved out of WA we had to go to court with my sons biofather to establish a Parenting Plan. I was to leave my son in WA for 3 weeks after we left and he would then be flown to me. I asked the courts to require a drug test to be done on the father and they agreed. My husband and I left in the moving truck and my son stayed behind. The drug test results came back while we were half way across the country and he failed it. My parents immediately took my son and we arranged for him to be flown to us a couple days later. Since then he has failed on every requirement of the parenting plan. He has not spoken to him in over 14 months and the only contact he has had in the last 14 months was a random package of toys and some clothes that were 3 sizes to small.
My son came to me the other day and asked if his last name could be changed to our last name (he now has a sibling as well). He has no desire to speak to his bio and doesn't even like to talk about him with anyone. My husband would like to adopt him and have his name changed. I have a good feeling that even though he has had no contact with him, that he would still fight us on the adoption.

What are our chances of having the courts see his behavior and his complete disregard for the parenting plan as abandonment? What rights do we have to have his rights terminated? What are the actual laws that would support our argument?

[cdad]

For one thing the chances of court calling it abandonment are about 0. People commonly misuse the term. He didn't leave the child alone and in a capacity where the child was in danger.

Having said that since you want an adoption to take place your going to have to convince the courts he is a danger to the child. In this case the drug addiction could be your inroad. Also at the time of filing you can request a name change to take place with the adoption.

Bottom line is start lawyer shopping and good luck.

[ScottGem]

I'm wondering if you bothered to read the sticky note at the top of this forum that deals with this issue. You would have found part of the answer to your question there.

You don't want to raise the issue of abandonment because it does not apply at all.

What you want is for your husband to be able to adopt the child. That is what you will be asking the courts for.

The next question is whether you believe the bio father will not agree to the adoption. If he will, then you don't have a problem. Its only if he refuses that there will be an issue.

You need an attorney to prepare the adoption petition. That attorney will advise you of your chances of getting a TPR if the bio father refuses.

Personally, I think your chances are good, if he can't show he has remained clean. Another question is about child support. Has he been ordered to pay support? Has he paid? If he is not paying support, you may be able to use that as leverage to get him to agree to the adoption. If he is faced with you enforcing the child support order or asking for support he may agree.

[questions333]

Both answers did help! Thanks for responding. I was not aware of the laws for abandonment, which is why I wrote my question. I agree that is obviously not the case here... So, adoption is what we are hoping to achieve through the courts. What is the most common results of an adoption petition where the bio father does contest it? Even though he has not been involved for well over a year now, I still have a good feeling that he will not go for it. I am just curious as to what is the courts most common response to this situation?

[questions333]

Oh... Regarding childsupport. He has a court order to pay child support and it is attempting to be enforced to no avail through Department of Child Support. He does not have a job so of course he does not pay anything. The last payment we did receive was the beginning of last year and that was his tax return being taken. He is a few thousand dollars in arrears.

I know if the adoption goes through we will not be collecting anything further from him. (Or at least he will not be accruing any further back due debt). I read somewhere that we are not allowed to promise to dismiss his debt? Is that correct?

[Fr_Chuck]

Also hopefully you have been a real pain, chasing him for child support, since for him, child support ends when he signs his rights over to allow the adoption.

[ScottGem]

If you are rigorous in pursuing the child support, it may make him more willing to relinquish in favor of your husband.

[questions333]

Well I have been as much of a pain as possible I guess. When he does get a job its automatically taken out of his checks... Problem is that he just doesn't work. He doesn't have a car, he doesn't have his own place to live. He is nearing his 30's and lives on family members couches... The last I heard was that he was receiving state food stamps. I do have a relationship with his mother. She has even come to visit (and stayed in our home) in the state we now live. If we go to court with an adoption petition would it help to have her write something to the effect of what she believes is in the best interest of my son?

[Fr_Chuck]

Really what you need is the father to sign over his rights.

[ScottGem]

Again, he doesn't work because then they would take the support out. But if he agrees to the adoption his responsibility to support ends. That's why he may agree.