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AskMe11 · Feb 19, 2009, 02:21 PM

Entire story merged.

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Hi.. I'm 20 and I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and half years now. We visit each other as much as possible and love each other very much. The problem with the relationship is that when we talk about our past I would ask him questions and about other girls and beg him to tell me even though he doesn't want to talk about it... and than when he does tell me I feel so crap and feel like crying. I don't know why. I don't know if it';s jealousy or something else. I just can't imagine him with any else and when I do I feel sick and emotional :(. I want this to stop but I don't know how to.. I try my best not to think about any of his ex girlfriends but I just can't and than I get really upset. I wouldn't say I'm insecure as I no my qualities and people tell me I'm pretty, but I don't know what's wrong with me. Also about a year ago he sent a text message 2 his ex girlfriend which I saw... but it wasn't anything flirty.. this nearly broke our relationship but he was really sorry and said it was only a friendly text, but he would be mad if I sent my ex boyfriend a friendly text message. I feel so crap. Give me some suggestions on how to forget about these things... :(.

kctiger · Feb 19, 2009, 02:27 PM

Quit asking and demanding answers to things you ARE NOT prepared to hear! You brought this upon yourself. Learn to control your insecurities, otherwise this relationship is over. What he did in HIS past has NOTHING to do with your current relationship with him. Relax and enjoy each other, with what little time you do have together!!

spitvenom · Feb 19, 2009, 02:31 PM

Had to spread the Rep KC but as always you are right. Let the past be the past or else he is going to be a part of your past.

liz28 · Feb 19, 2009, 06:26 PM

You stated that you don't have any insecurites but I think you do and cryong over it proved that. The past is his past and can't be undone so why are you focusing so much time on it? Your making your ownself feel like crap for no reason and you can be making your relationship suffer and in return bring it to an end. So if you like this guy than stop wanting to know his past if you can't handle it and build your own memories with him because there is no need to be jealous of his past.

heartbroke · Feb 19, 2009, 07:54 PM

You are going to have to accept that he has been with other people. But he is with you now, not them. He obviously cares about you, because he has kept you around after you're jealous outbreaks. Be happy for what you have, someone cares about you. Don't let the past ruin what you have. The past is history

friend4u178 · Feb 19, 2009, 10:06 PM

As the others have said his past is just that , if it bothers you that much and you keep bugging him about it you might just drive him away.

Your choice!

talaniman · Feb 19, 2009, 10:20 PM

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

See if this site helps. 2 and a half years is a long time to have distance between two partners, and the stress can not only make you feel insecure, and jealous, but your mind plays all kind of tricks on your feelings. You have to cope much better to avoid poisoning this relationship, and driving him away. Read the link, as you may get some helpful insights.

Bonita-- · Feb 20, 2009, 03:35 AM

I used to have the same problem. I used to ask my boyfriend all kinds of details about his past, until I realized what it was doing to me. You can sit around and think about his past all the time and make yourself feel horrible but really what is that doing for you? You need to realize that those girls have nothing to do with your relationship you have now with your boyfriend, it's you and him now. Yes he has a past before you and it hurts, but you have a past too, everyone has a past and we all have to learn to accept it because what else is there to do? The past is the past and you have to leave it at that or else you're going to drive yourself crazy. I know it's easier said than done but that's exactly what you need to realize in order to make things better for yourself. Goodluck.

Romefalls19 · Feb 20, 2009, 06:40 AM

The past is the past for a reason, no good can come out of rehashing issues or relationships. Everyone has a past, you have one, I have one and so does he. The point is, he is with you now and has been for 2 years. I know the distance is long and hard but work on your relationship and things you can control, you can control the past.

KC is right, don't ask questions you aren't prepared for the answers too. I made that mistake one time with my fiancé, and I wasn't ready for it. Luckily I snapped out of that trap quickly and haven't discussed the past endeavors we have had. We have each other and that's enough

AskMe11 · Feb 24, 2009, 03:34 PM

Hey guys.. thanks for all your answers! Ill try my best to get this out of my head.. but it is easier said than done at times.. as I do not think about this all the time.. I get days or day when it really gets to me and I can't control it than silly things go throw my head.. thanks for all your help again but I don't think anyone else can help me more with this than myself :(...

talaniman · Feb 24, 2009, 03:53 PM

I think coping with your feelings, is a skill that has to be developed, and maybe an older adult, or trusted friend can help.

No shame at all in asking for help in areas we don't know much about.

Much Luck.

heartbroke · Mar 17, 2009, 12:32 AM

Be strong and don't think about the past. There's a good saying and I think it goes something like this
The past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present. Just like a gift

AskMe11 · Jan 23, 2010, 11:55 AM

I really want an honest answear here. Im 21yrs old and have been in a long distance relationship for 3 yrs. Im happy with my boyfriend and I trust him, I believe he trusts me too and we have made plans for the future, which means its serious. BUT when either of us 2, decide to go out on certain nights we have to text and call each other. I see this as an OK thing to do as we are far apart and if we didtn text or call, there would be nothing else left of the relationship, as that is all we can do. However my mates have invited me to go out with them the next weekened.. and my boyfriend is angry at me for wanting to go out, so soon after I had just come back from the place where he lives... as I spent my Xmas holidays there. He feels it is too soon, after 2weeks to have the urge to go out, whiel he is still missing me.. and he feels as though that shoes I am not msising him... but dats not the case.. Can you please tell me if I am beein selfish or is he beein harsh on me? Thank you.

AskMe11 · Jan 23, 2010, 12:05 PM

I really want an honest answear here. Im 21yrs old and have been in a long distance relationship for 3 yrs. Im happy with my boyfriend and I trust him, I believe he trusts me too and we have made plans for the future, which means its serious. BUT when either of us 2, decide to go out on certain nights we have to text and call each other. I see this as an OK thing to do as we are far apart and if we didtn text or call, there would be nothing else left of the relationship, as that is all we can do. However my mates have invited me to go out with them the next weekened.. and my boyfriend is angry at me for wanting to go out, so soon after I had just come back from the place where he lives... as I spent my Xmas holidays there. He feels it is too soon, after 2weeks to have the urge to go out, whiel he is still missing me.. and he feels as though that shoes I am not missing him... but that's not the case :(.. Can you please tell me if I am beein selfish or is he beein harsh on me? Thank you.

sully123 · Jan 23, 2010, 12:14 PM

You have a right to your own life, when your not with him. He can't control you, he doesn't own you. I WOULD question this relationship.

thisisit · Jan 23, 2010, 12:17 PM

I am not a relationships expert, but I think what this reaction shows is the boyfriend feeling somewhat insecure, and even worried that you will have fun without him, building from there.. . you could develop interests that include socializing without him.
He may fear that if you socialize very much without him, you might find someone else you are interested in, or someone else might become interested in you, while he is not there to defend his territory.

JudyKayTee · Jan 23, 2010, 12:26 PM

I would be unhappy with his position in this whether it was a long distance relationship or not - "going out with your mates" hopefully does not mean you are going out to seek a potential partner. I have friends; we go out. My "significant other" has no problem.

Yes, I'd question his stand on things. Is he usually this controlling?

liz28 · Jan 23, 2010, 06:31 PM

Does he have friends to hang out with? If not, them maybe this is the problem but it is his problem. Missing you is part of a relationship but trying to be controlling isn't. Each of you should have a life outside of your relationship and he shouldn't fault you for that. If he doesn't change I don't see this relationship lasting.

amicon · Jan 24, 2010, 02:22 AM

He is being controlling.
Why on earth shouldn't you be able to go out with your friends whenever you want to?

AskMe11 · Jan 24, 2010, 09:02 AM

I honestly don't know, he's making me feel bad about it, and the worst thing about it is that I don't even go out that much. If once, twice a month when Im no0t with him :( .